We told you how to really mend a broken heart. But what if youíre the one whoís doing the heartbreaking? How do you minimize someone elseís pain (yes, even those times when you want to hurt them) and move on with your integrity intact? Hereís what the experts suggest.
Are you sure?
If your feelings have changed, but youíre also a bit torn, here are five questions to ask yourself before you call it quits. Theyíll help you understand whatís really going on. The first question is: If your partner asks for a second chance, would you be willing to give them one?
Be honest, do it in person, donít give a laundry list of what you donít like about the person, and donít pause in the middle of the talk to update your status to single Ö The Angry Therapist at MindBodyGreen gives you the ground rules.
Donít use the clichť ďItís not you, itís meĒ
Psychology Today has 12 rules for a better breakup. If you want to take a scientific approach, they explain the biology behind our reactions and what you can do to ease the pain of parting.
Thatís a bit more complicated. Glamour tells you how to do it if youíre shacked up. Their first rule is to plan ahead. (Itís probably not going to be fun sharing a bedroom after youíve broken it off.)
Take the high road
Donít do it on their birthday, on Christmas or Valentineís Day, or while youíre out with other people. The Frisky knows all the times when you shouldnít.
Did they hurt you? Were they careless with your heart? Sometimes a breakup is fueled by anger or pain and you may want to hurt them back. Or the person getting rejected has a really bad reaction to loss and lashes out at you. Try with all your might not to say things youíll regret. You canít take back the impact of your words. Controlling hostility isnít easy, but itís a very compassionate, mature thing to do.
If it turns ugly, here are a few ways to cope. And remember that time has a way of healing wounds and taking the sting out of breakups. Trust that you and your former partner will move past this because you will. You may not be friends, but neither of you will suffer forever.
Other types of breakups
Itís not always with a significant other you loved for years. Sometimes you need to end it with a first date, a friend, your hairstylist, or a toxic relative. Jezebel has your strategies for those situations.
And even when you end a relationship, make sure you donít stop taking your birth control. Breakup sex, makeup sex, and rebound sex have all been known to happen and youíll want to be covered just in case.
Originally published on bedsider.org