There are many ways to stumble in relationships, but a pattern of avoiding conflict is a huge one. What are the three dangers related to this avoidance pattern that we internalize and silence so that it grows in dark places like bacteria to become infected, hence to go on and destroy the relationship? Learn from these three dangers, here:
The first danger appears when, without having the courage to speak to those we are in conflict with, without the strength to inquire into the situation and gain as many views of what happened as possible, we start to fill in the spaces all by ourselves.
The second danger, worse than the first, and that comes from letting our made-up story harden into the history out of which we live. As time goes by, it becomes harder and harder to break the grip of our made-up story, and the more we hold on to our own uncorroborated version of things, the more difficult it is to restore relationships.
The third danger arises in which we cease to know the difference between what really happened and our fictional version of it. The French playwright Andre Gide puts it harshly, but to the point, “The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who starts to lie with sincerity.”
Adapted from Facing the Lion, Being the Lion by Mark Nepo (Conari Press, 2007). Copyright (c) 2007 by Mark Nepo. Reprinted by permission of Conari Press.
Adapted from Facing the Lion, Being the Lion by Mark Nepo (Conari Press, 2007).