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True Presence

True Presence

Every now and again we are given the gift of true presence.† Usually it is when we are faced with the stark reality of life ending, whether it is through the death of someone or something beloved.† The details that we often think of as life itself, fall away and the mystery of our frail human form and relationships that make life meaningful is all that we have, and all that we ever really had.

This naked place of pure presence is not an easy one to live in- we know in these moments of pure love and connection, pure loss and loneliness, that our emotions are not thoughts in our head, but physical weighty forces that fill our physical body so completely that they have the power to alter our senses.†† Falling in love is a full body experience, one that alters how we see everything- a more powerful drug you canít find on the planet.

The same is true for grief, especially grief that we donít allow ourselves to experience.† Feeling the weight of our own sadness is frightening.† There is no deeper emotional access to the present moment than our sadness and grief.† Yet feeling the full force of these emotions often reminds me of my kids when they were three years old, just old enough to get their experience but without a big enough body to contain it or a language to express it.† Witnessing the trauma of a full on tantrum is enough to make any sane adult choose to repress it, the power of the feelings are as large as any force of nature.

When itís over, I want to say:† All my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
–Mary Oliver

Giving yourself or someone you love this gift of pure presence is the most amazing and life changing gift you can offer.† Hereís the truthÖ it doesnít work to repress our feelings. Our experience of life deserves to be witnessed and shared. All that is not given the air and space in the world around us will like any force of nature so transform and alter our internal landscape that we canít find our presence- with ourselves and not with the people we long to love the most.

Eternity is not waiting to happen after you die, it is happening right now- and the meaning and love that you have the chance to make in your life is the only gift that will really count when your days are over.†† So instead of just exchanging physical gifts this holiday season- open your arms wide to the stories and feelings that make our presence real and our relationships sustainable.

Read more: Inspiration, Love, Making Love Sustainable, Relationships, Sex, Spirit, ,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.† In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,† she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice.†It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." †The book is available on ebook.† Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

45 comments

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9:01PM PST on Dec 13, 2010

Nicely put

4:14PM PST on Dec 13, 2010

beautiful !

3:03PM PST on Dec 13, 2010

The best gift that one can give is of oneself. That is why craft projects are so special because they are representative of our time, our energy and our creativity.

8:48AM PST on Dec 12, 2010

Inspiring! Thank you!

1:40AM PST on Dec 12, 2010

Thanks is very beautiful!!

11:38PM PST on Dec 11, 2010

thank you. express your truth. allow others to express theirs.

11:30PM PST on Dec 11, 2010

Thanx forthis article

8:40PM PST on Dec 11, 2010

Thanks.

4:18PM PST on Dec 11, 2010

Thanks for the great article...also love the Mary Oliver quote.

3:54PM PST on Dec 11, 2010

Ah Wendy...Your articles are so important to me. You always seem to hit upon the very thing that needs to be addressed. I cannot thank you enough for sharing.

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