When love comes in an unconventional way, the ripple effect can profoundly affect family and friends. The adjustment from a typical marriage to a deep and meaningful same sex relationship is the perfect example of how helpful the Wabi Sabi principles are in real life. Wabi Sabi Love happens when you focus on the value of imperfection and the freedom in accepting your partner’s flaws. I can’t imagine greater pressure in the outer world than shifting to a same sex relationship.
I am grateful to Julia and Colette for the courage to step up and tell their story. Be sure to leave your comment — I am curious how many women can relate to this story.
Julia & Colette’s Story
Life was sweet. Nearly picture perfect. Julia and her husband of 20 years had a really fabulous life together. They had raised a family, had admirable careers, a wide circle of friends, traveled the world extensively, and participated in important philanthropic activities. She fully expected to spend the rest of her life with him.
Julia began working on a creative project with an old friend, Colette, with whom she had recently reconnected. The two women, opposite in so many ways, discovered that they were very much in sync and shared a very deep connection on so many levels. Gradually, they fell in love.
This initially wasn’t a problem for Colette, who had never married, and had been in several torrid affairs with women. But, for Julia, this situation was completely out of her comfort zone. The most frightening part for her was learning to trust her feelings as she entered this unconventional romance.
“I knew if I made the choice to be with Colette, my life would never be the same. I was falling in love with a woman, and I knew it would dramatically impact my friends and family.”
But, early in their relationship Julia had a premonition in which she knew she would have to say goodbye to her old life. It came in the form of a dream:
She was on a freeway, going in the wrong direction. All the cars were parting for her, much like the Red Sea. She sensed no danger, just a moment of suspension and calm.
When she approached a Jungian therapist about her dream, the therapist remarked, “I guess the wrong way is the right way.”
This dream became Julia’s Wabi Sabi moment. She knew her heart was speaking to her, giving her permission to accept that her feelings for Colette were real and true regardless of how it looked. On the deepest spiritual level, Julia knew this was the direction she was headed: a deeply loving, romantic partnership with a woman. She knew she passionately loved this woman and would pursue the relationship no matter what. In fact, she knew there was no turning back from the beauty and grace of two people falling in love.
Julia had previously been a bit of a people pleaser, always trying to make everyone else happy, making sure that they liked her, and doing the right thing. She admits that trying to hold on to all the perfection took enormous amounts of energy that she no longer had. As her new and unlikely relationship became known to those who loved her, all hell broke lose. She actually created a name for it: The Tsunami. At the same time, she knew in her heart of hearts that this was where she needed to be. She was in the midst of a “choiceless choice.”
And the benefits, ultimately, far outweighed the downside.