Unconditional Love and Healthy Boundaries

The phrase “unconditional love” is a popular one. But what does it
mean, exactly?

Where do healthy boundaries–those emotional boundaries
that define our own unique presence–fit in? Don’t boundaries keep us
separate? Is merging with another the goal?

Are you misunderstanding the true nature of unconditional love? Find
out what this wise author has to say about it, and its relationship to
healthy boundaries, here:

Unconditional love has no goal in view. It simply is. It is the love that made us. I believe that this is the root of humankind’s restlessness, that we are looking for unconditional love and do not realize that it is already within us. So we fantasize and when we hear about unconditional love, we think we must emulate God and extend it to everybody immediately.

Then, of course, we flunk and feel a failure. Unconditional love is a universal principle, but it is also a learning experience. If we take the conscious decision to choose love as our spiritual practice, our personality blooms and flourishes. We grow.

But a misunderstanding of the true nature of unconditional love can be disempowering and weaken a person‘s capacity for self-sovereignty. It can foster dependency and co-dependency in a relationship. If I surrender or ignore my boundaries, then I don’t have to worry about or do the hard work of maintaining them. But boundaries don’t have to be separative at all; they are defining, and they help coalesce and focus energy and presence in a unique way.

Unconditional love does not say “I love everyone equally,” but rather “I love everyone appropriately and in response to their uniqueness.” And, very importantly, unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of behaviors.

Read more: Spirit, Inspiration

Adapted from The Findhorn Book of Unconditional Love, by Tony Mitton (Findhorn Press, 2003). Copyright (c) 2003 by Tony Mitton. Reprinted by permission of Lantern Books.
Adapted from The Findhorn Book of Unconditional Love, by Tony Mitton (Findhorn Press, 2003).

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

jane d.

12:28PM PDT on Apr 3, 2012

And, very importantly, unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of behaviors.

I agree with this, i wouldn't feel unconditional love for someone who is a repeated murderer

send a green star

Teresa W.

2:54AM PST on Mar 4, 2012

What do you mean by unconditional love? Having sex with just anyone?

2:53AM PST on Mar 4, 2012

Love doesn't exist.

Chad A.

5:21PM PST on Feb 12, 2012

This puts some things in perspective...

Rosie L.

2:33PM PST on Feb 14, 2011

Great article glad it's still here! TY

Anabel M.

10:22PM PDT on Oct 11, 2010

absolutely agree!!

Kerry S.

2:43PM PDT on Oct 11, 2010

good post thank you!

Silver J.

1:29PM PDT on Oct 6, 2010

Like with most things, you have to love yourself unconditionally, faults, fuck ups, shortcomings and all, before you can love any body else at all, let alone, unconditionally!

Ana S.

11:15AM PDT on Oct 4, 2010

That look of unconditional love is unforgettable

11:14AM PDT on Oct 4, 2010

That look of unconditional love is unforgettable!