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Understanding Men

We as a society encourage men-bashing jokes and t-shirts that say “men are stupid.” How are we going to come together if we continue to alienate the very people we want to be close with?  How are we going to develop intimacy with this kind of negative energy floating around?  And the same goes for men doing this behavior with women.  Remember, I am coming from my own personal experience.  Use this information and personalize it for your own situation.

When we as women are having challenges with men, what do we do?  We run to our girlfriends complaining and crying about how bad the man has been and our GIRLFRIENDS reinforce our beliefs.  Of course they are going to reinforce our beliefs, because they are women and we think in similar ways.  Here is the lesson:  Men are men and they do not think like women, and the same goes the other way.  We do not think like men.  That is the beauty of choosing to be in a relationship with either a man or a woman.  Instead of battling against a man’s nature, honor it and understand it.  Once you begin to understand it, you will no longer be hurt or offended.  John Gray talks about this beautifully in his book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.  Many men need to be quiet and go into their cave to figure things out.  Many women need to bond and talk things out with their friends.  Once you understand that your man needs some alone and quiet time, this will make it easier for you to back off and give him space without getting upset.  And the same goes for men understanding women.

Here is another tip.  Sometimes men come on very strong for the first few months and then back off.  When men first begin dating and they are excited about someone new, they begin to visualize themselves in different situations with the person.  It is not something they are doing consciously, but they begin to see themselves with you and then begin opening their mouth and start making premature plans.  I have had this happen numerous times where a man will begin talking about how fun it would be to go skiing together, or away for the weekend or to meet his family.  This is because men start to put you into their lives before you are actually there.  Then they realize that “oops, I don’t know this person that well” and begin to back off.  It is not something they are doing intentionally to hurt you, it is just their initial way of bonding.

Okay, one more communication tip.  You really want to find out more about a man and what he feels about something.  Do not ask him what he “feels,” but rather ask, “so what do you think about that?”  Then you need to sit back and smile and let him talk.  He will say a few words, pause, then perhaps pause some more and DO NOT  say a word, just smile and nod and allow him to go on.  Give him space to think.  Give him space to gather his thoughts as he will continue and when he does, that is where the juice is and he will begin to reveal more about himself.  We as women are constantly saying “uhuh” to each other or “yes, I know what you mean.” Do not do that with a man if you really want to get to know him.  Allow him to talk and let him take his time. Try this with the next man you meet or even with a male friend, brother or father. See what happens.

Once again, Allison Armstrong teaches a fabulous workshop that did so much for me in understanding how men think and how to better communicate with them.  Click here to take a look at her website and workshops.

Until next week, pay attention to your communication with the opposite sex!


4 Ways to Fix Communication Breakdowns

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Blogs, Dating, Guidance, Health, Inspiration, Love, Making Love Sustainable, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Help, Sex, Spirit, Stop Dating & Find Love!, The Celebrate Your Life Series, , , , , , ,

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Liz Dawn Donahue

Liz Dawn Donahue was recently married after years of dating. She is the CEO of Mishka Productions whose signature event Celebrate Your Life, brings together people from all over the world to assist in raising the consciousness of the planet. CelebrateYourLife.ORG


+ add your own
12:48PM PDT on Jun 23, 2015

I think this is a very good article. My grandmother said she never talked about my grandfather, with whom she stayed married and IN LOVE for over 45 years, with anyone else. She said there were just some things that should remain private between a couple. Very smart women, methinks!

4:02AM PDT on Jun 3, 2015

good article to read.... Communication is everything. Interaction is important too.

9:05PM PST on Jan 14, 2015

beautiful stuff

9:24PM PST on Nov 3, 2014

great shareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

12:07AM PDT on Nov 1, 2014


11:35PM PDT on Oct 29, 2014

awesome work buddy .........keep it up

2:16AM PDT on Sep 20, 2014


1:12AM PDT on Aug 27, 2014

very nice indeed

1:00AM PDT on Aug 27, 2014

like it

12:37AM PDT on Aug 27, 2014

very good :-)

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