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Understanding Men

We as a society encourage men-bashing jokes and t-shirts that say “men are stupid.” How are we going to come together if we continue to alienate the very people we want to be close with?  How are we going to develop intimacy with this kind of negative energy floating around?  And the same goes for men doing this behavior with women.  Remember, I am coming from my own personal experience.  Use this information and personalize it for your own situation.

When we as women are having challenges with men, what do we do?  We run to our girlfriends complaining and crying about how bad the man has been and our GIRLFRIENDS reinforce our beliefs.  Of course they are going to reinforce our beliefs, because they are women and we think in similar ways.  Here is the lesson:  Men are men and they do not think like women, and the same goes the other way.  We do not think like men.  That is the beauty of choosing to be in a relationship with either a man or a woman.  Instead of battling against a man’s nature, honor it and understand it.  Once you begin to understand it, you will no longer be hurt or offended.  John Gray talks about this beautifully in his book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.  Many men need to be quiet and go into their cave to figure things out.  Many women need to bond and talk things out with their friends.  Once you understand that your man needs some alone and quiet time, this will make it easier for you to back off and give him space without getting upset.  And the same goes for men understanding women.

Here is another tip.  Sometimes men come on very strong for the first few months and then back off.  When men first begin dating and they are excited about someone new, they begin to visualize themselves in different situations with the person.  It is not something they are doing consciously, but they begin to see themselves with you and then begin opening their mouth and start making premature plans.  I have had this happen numerous times where a man will begin talking about how fun it would be to go skiing together, or away for the weekend or to meet his family.  This is because men start to put you into their lives before you are actually there.  Then they realize that “oops, I don’t know this person that well” and begin to back off.  It is not something they are doing intentionally to hurt you, it is just their initial way of bonding.

Okay, one more communication tip.  You really want to find out more about a man and what he feels about something.  Do not ask him what he “feels,” but rather ask, “so what do you think about that?”  Then you need to sit back and smile and let him talk.  He will say a few words, pause, then perhaps pause some more and DO NOT  say a word, just smile and nod and allow him to go on.  Give him space to think.  Give him space to gather his thoughts as he will continue and when he does, that is where the juice is and he will begin to reveal more about himself.  We as women are constantly saying “uhuh” to each other or “yes, I know what you mean.” Do not do that with a man if you really want to get to know him.  Allow him to talk and let him take his time. Try this with the next man you meet or even with a male friend, brother or father. See what happens.

Once again, Allison Armstrong teaches a fabulous workshop that did so much for me in understanding how men think and how to better communicate with them.  Click here to take a look at her website and workshops.

Until next week, pay attention to your communication with the opposite sex!

Namaste.

Related:
Communicate!
4 Ways to Fix Communication Breakdowns

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Blogs, Dating, Guidance, Health, Inspiration, Love, Making Love Sustainable, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Help, Sex, Spirit, Stop Dating & Find Love!, The Celebrate Your Life Series, , , , , , ,

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Liz Dawn Donahue

Liz Dawn Donahue was recently married after years of dating. She is the CEO of Mishka Productions whose signature event Celebrate Your Life, brings together people from all over the world to assist in raising the consciousness of the planet. CelebrateYourLife.ORG

308 comments

+ add your own
2:48AM PDT on Apr 12, 2014

really advisable art

12:52AM PDT on Apr 11, 2014

U gotta love these

12:23AM PDT on Apr 11, 2014

Great Tips

4:43AM PDT on Apr 4, 2014

nice thanks

11:41AM PST on Dec 17, 2013

Understanding men. That is an important topic.
Men must tell us women how we do not understand them. Men must speak up and tell us how they feel, otherwise it is hard for women to understand men deeply.
And one man is different from another man.
Until the day men open up and express their feelings in words and not only by non verbal communications and by doing things,being useful, we women will never learn what happens inside men's heads in men's hearts.
Some have started on www.goodmenproject.com
Listening to the MRA and MGTOW does not make me understand men better, since they are biter and often hateful.

4:59PM PST on Nov 15, 2013

It just doesn’t get any
better than seeing the gorgeous “Mrs. Anita Pelaez” over at her and her
husband “Captain Kutchie’s” place..Some Folks Also Call Him..”The
KutchMan others call him The Kutchmon!”…Most Just Call Him “The Most
Interesting Man In The World”….(Anita and Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West, Key
Lime Pie Factory and Grill)…Just watching the lovely couple baking together all those Yummy
Key Lime Pies at their Key Lime Pie Factory and Grill in Asheville.
…It’s always worth the trip to visit them in they’re Historic Key Lime
Pie Factory and Grill…It should be on everyone’s bucket list for
sure..And The World’s Best Key Lime Pies!..YUM-YUM-YUM….­­.”Talk About
World Class” What An Understatement!…….AA­­HHHHH!….The Magic Of The
Lovely..”Mrs. Anita Pelaez” And Her Delicious Key Lime Pies Baked With
Pure Love…Always……40 Years And They’re Still Going Strong….

….May GOD Continue Blessing “Anita And Kutchie Pelaez” and They’re World
Famous Key Lime Pie Factory And Grill Where The Personalities, Ovens And
Smiles Are Always Warm And Inviting. “Kutcharitaville” You’re The Best We Love You!….

…Now You Know Who Is The Hottest!…And Baby Let Me Tell You, Mrs. Anita Is No Act…She’s The Real Thing Baby!…

….Located Near

10:50PM PDT on Jul 11, 2013

The archetype is changing.

Men now can even admit that they cry sometimes.

Yet some of the older men feel it threatening if a woman knows more than they do about ANY subject. They want to be the teachers of submissive pupils. May these men soon come into the freedom of just being people.

A woman's talents, education and experience does not make him less or her more. Men who can accept their own talents, education and experience together with their own weaknesses and deficiencies as they make room also for hers, these emancipated men are no longer in competition nor do they suffer hurt feelings or feel emasculated.

12:06PM PST on Nov 13, 2012

I agree with the author,why????when both of you are having previous relationships and both of you are in 40s most of the time the guy are very careful what he says especially on first date,usually the women has a lot to say then when both of you are getting along together that's the time the guy started to talk about everything because he started to trust you and the rest are......best friend,lover,confidant'e is yours

6:17AM PDT on Jul 2, 2012

double standard

2:01AM PDT on May 11, 2012

thanks for sharing

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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