By Pleasure Mechanics for YourTango.com.
When we started offering free personalized sex advice on our website, we knew we would get some interesting questions. But one of the most common questions we are asked is also the most simple. Everyone wants to know how to last longer in bed!
While there are specific techniques for guys who want to last longer in bed (and we offer a free ebook on the subject), what most people want to know is how to make their erotic experience last longer from start to finish. They want a more satisfying, exciting erotic experience overall, not just longer intercourse. So for everyone who wants to know how to last longer in bed and have more fulfilling sexual encounters, read on. Here are our top 10 suggestions on how to last longer in bed.
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1. Savor The Seduction
Many long term couples schedule sex, a common strategy to make sure intimacy doesn’t fall to the bottom of their to-do lists. If you know you have a sex date coming up, begin seducing your lover a few days in advance. And even if you don’t have a date night planned, make the effort to seduce your lover all week long. On your own, start thinking about what you might like to experience. Do you want a relaxing full body massage? Or perhaps you want to be a bit wilder this week? Let your own anticipation build, tease your lover by telling them how excited you are for your date night and notice what happens. When you get your mind on board, your body will start anticipating the big event.
2. Kiss Like A Teenager
Remember when you were a teenager, and would make out for hours on the couch? Remember the thrill, the excitement of simply kissing? Where did that thrill go? It’s time to find it again. If you really want to know how to last longer in bed, start by spending more time kissing. Really make out, letting your lips and hands explore one another’s clothed bodies. Take turns kissing and being kissed. Kiss with lips only for awhile, and enjoy this most basic form of intimacy. Let the desire begin building up in your body!
3. Undress Slowly
You don’t have to offer an elaborate strip tease to enjoy the process of undressing together (though, that could be a good twist to your date night!). Simply take the opportunity to enjoy watching one another undress. Many couples start with a shower, either alone or together. Linger in the bathroom together, and enjoy looking at each other. If you have body shame or don’t like being seen, dare yourself to allow your lover to see you in your nude glory. Trust that they find you beautiful (after all, of the billions of bodies on this earth, they have chosen yours!) and allow the charge to build as you drink one another in with your eyes. Tell your lover what you find hot about their body, and gracefully receive any compliments they offer you.
4. Start With Massage
One of the hardest parts about squeezing sex into a busy life is making the transition from your everyday life to the erotic zone. The absolute best way to de-stress and get turned on is by sharing massage with your lover. Learn how to offer deep, satisfying massage at home and take five or ten minutes to exchange massage before you start making love. Massage encourages you to relax and breathe deeply. A great foot massage, back massage or (our favorite) butt massage will prime your body for more pleasure. Every minute of massage feels like an eternity of pleasure, making it a perfect tool for anyone who wants to know how to last longer in bed!
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5. Explore Every Inch
After you have warmed up one another’s bodies with luxurious massage, transition to the erotic zone by exploring every inch of each other. Use a wide range of erotic touch techniques, from a featherlight caress to rough scratching to touch your lover’s entire body. Tease your lover by getting oh-so-close to their most sensitive spots and then circling away. Explore sensitive areas like the neck, wrists and behind the knees. Pay close attention to how your lover responds and you’ll quickly find some new favorite ways to turn them on!
6. Take Turns
One of the top ways of learning how to last longer in bed is a playground golden rule: take turns! Many couples have sex in a constant give-and-take pleasure mode, touching their lover at the same time they are being touched, rushing towards the finish line together. Choose to take turns and your sex will last way longer and be way more satisfying. Take turns being the Giver and Receiver. As Receiver, your job is to relax and receive as much pleasure as you can. As Giver, you get to lavish your lover with pleasure. Learn how to use your hands to pleasure your lover and take them on a journey of arousal!
7. Explore Creating Peaks and Valleys
Many people have what we call “balloon sex,” building up arousal as quickly as possible, getting very tense and then ‘popping!” This usually means sex lasts only a few short minutes. To expand your pleasure and last longer in bed, start thinking about exploring peaks and valleys of arousal, rather than one steep climb. This is a key concept of the edging technique that we teach to men who want to know how to last longer in bed: bring your arousal up as high as you can without climaxing, and then back away. Touch the rest of the body, take a few deep breaths and relax as much as you can. Then build up again towards climax. You can practice creating as many “peaks and valleys” of arousal as you can. Make it a game, tease your lover and see just how long you can keep them going! With a bit of practice, you’ll both discover how to last longer in bed and become erotic athletes together!
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8. Breathe, Baby, Breathe!
If you want to last longer in bed, learn how to breathe more fully! Focusing on your breath will expand how much pleasure you can feel, and relax the tension that often builds during arousal. If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious during sex, take a few deep breaths and notice what happens. If you are being stimulated and want the pleasure to last longer, take a few deep breaths and you’ll be able to soar even higher. Breath is one of the best kept sexual secrets: try it out and see what happens!
9. Amplify The Intimacy
Once you have made the effort to get into a loving, erotic zone with your partner, take full advantage of it and stay suspended in the bliss of that connection. Choose to get more intimate and draw out the experience. Don’t focus just on learning how to last longer in bed — choose to make lovemaking even more emotional and soulful! As you are making love, make eye contact with your lover and hold it longer than is first comfortable. Eye contact during sex is extremely intimate and vulnerable. Dare to do it anyway! Or, increase your intimacy by talking to your lover and telling them how much they mean to you. Let your emotions flow, whatever they may be in the moment. Some women even find themselves crying during or after sex: create the conditions where you can cry, express your emotions fully and allow your partner to simply witness you and love you, without needing to understand or fix anything! Choose to get more intimate with your lover and you’ll find sex lasting longer and fulfilling you on a deeper level.
10. Ask For More
If your lover is spent but you can keep going, don’t be shy to ask for more. Even if your lover can’t take any more pleasure in their own body, they may be willing to give more to you. Once you are in the zone, stay there as long as you choose. Even if your lover is totally exhausted, chances are, after a bit of a rest, they will be inspired by your energy and join in again. Time for round two!
Learning how to last longer in bed isn’t simply about making one sexual act last longer: it is about choosing to extend your sexual experience and savor the opportunity to exchange lots of pleasure with your lover. You can make it last longer by slowing down in the beginning, expanding the arousal you are capable of feeling, and drawing out the climax for as long as possible. Let’s face it: you work hard, and making the time for sex can be challenging. So once you are there and “in the zone,” choose to expand your experience and make it last longer! You’ll be more sexually satisfied, experience more intimacy and be surprised at just how much pleasure you are capable of feeling!
Any questions? We offer free personalized sex advice at PleasureMechanics.com. You can also join our weekly newsletter for free sex advice, exclusive giveaways and more!
This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How To Last Longer In Bed? Slow Down And Savor!.