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Funny Uses for Fast Food Products

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Funny Uses for Fast Food Products

By Noah Garfinkel, Networx

The original intent of this article was to explore possible uses for fast food other than eating. It turns out, though, that thereís not a whole bunch you can do with heavily processed food other than quickly shoving it into your face and hoping nobody judges you. (The result of shoving said food in your face is a call to your local NYC plumber. I will not tell you if this has ever happened to me.) Sure, you can use a Taco Bell Burrito Supreme as a doorstop for a not-that-heavy door. And, of course, you can take a stab at being a carpenter by making your toothbrush stand upright by jabbing the end into a Big Mac, thereby making yourself a DIY toothbrush holder. But, donít do that. Donít do either of those things. Those are both wildly gross things to do.

What you can do, however, is improvise with your fast food to make a new fast food product that eliminates the flaws in your original fast food order. For example, the biggest problem with Taco Bell is that they have no French fry equivalent, no viable side order option. (Nachos are not a side order when they are essentially a deconstructed taco.) But, now that Taco Bell offers the Doritos Locos Taco, you can synthesize your own side order of chips to go with a self-fabricated burrito. Hereís how this works. First order a Doritos Locos Taco and a Cheese Roll-up.


If you are not familiar with these items, Iíll quickly explain. The Doritos Locos Taco is a taco with a shell made of Doritos. And, as for the Cheese Roll-upÖ You know that thing you make when youíre drunk and you just roll up a microwaved tortilla with cheddar cheese on it? The Cheese Roll-up is exactly that. Iím pretty sure the Taco Bell employees are even required to get drunk before they make it.

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3:48AM PDT on Jun 15, 2013

I thought you meant throwing a hamburger at somebody. :-)

8:22AM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

Intriguing...would really not want to look at the yellowed arches whenever answering my phone---would any of these containers be useful in recharging the phone or would it kill the batteries off?
On occasion I do darken the doors of fast food places but try not to bring home the packaging as it would scare my cat-she is very sensitive and would kick me out of the home...until it was time to feed her of course but she would not allow any fast food packaging inside. Her home, her rules!

9:38AM PDT on May 14, 2012

Funny - you have too much time on your hands!

8:24AM PDT on May 6, 2012

Thanks, that was very entertaining!

6:37PM PDT on May 2, 2012


2:28AM PDT on May 2, 2012

And yes, I realized after reading the article, much, if not most of it was meant "tongue-in-cheek". Must be a slow day at Care.2 to take up the space with this drivel.

2:27AM PDT on May 2, 2012

Why would anyone buy fast food other than to eat it? that makes absolutely no sense!

To the writer, you need to get a brain. If you want french fries, don't go to Taco Bell! They serve Mexican food! If you want fried chicken, don't go to Taco Bell, either.........go to KFC. If you want Mexican food, don't go to KFC...........make sense?

4:22AM PDT on Apr 30, 2012

Yo never stop to pull the crowd..


9:13PM PDT on Apr 28, 2012

not worth the effort, but interesting.

8:56PM PDT on Apr 28, 2012

Heh, heh!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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