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What If I Don’t Want To Be Me?

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What If I Don’t Want To Be Me?

Some people wish to be something that they cannot be, like tall (if short) or straight (if gay) or whatever number of years of age that one identifies as young (when they are now older than that). Some hate that they are hard of hearing, have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, or whatever other not-like-the-others thing they are experiencing. Others want different parents or spouses or histories, and still others have invested much time, energy, and money studying something that they’ve now realized they don’t want to do for a living.

So many of us are resistant to aging, which is almost as ridiculous as being pissed off that you have to breathe oxygen for survival. We are all aging and I can’t understand how getting older is anything short of fabulous news, as the alternative is death. How can waking up tomorrow, a day older than we went to sleep the night before, be anything but a miracle? Aging is nothing but the passing of time. Fighting against it, as with all of these other things, is an extraordinary waste of time, energy, and often money. Who among us has such an excess of any of those precious resources to justify wasting them in this way?

Women have come through here stuck in all kinds of battles with what is — infertility, addiction, food allergies, abusive relationships (with partners and others), and chronic pain, just to name a few. I’ve even done it myself, with my health, and money and codependency, too. I held myself in these patterns for years before learning how and choosing to be more loving with myself. The reality is that the battle against what is never changes it.

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


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9:34PM PDT on Jun 25, 2012

...acceptance is taking action that will carry you home to your true self. Great reminder that this is not about resignation, but facing what is so and being able to choose the next step. Thanks!

11:40PM PDT on Jun 24, 2012


12:50AM PDT on Jun 24, 2012

something she could do to assist her journey toward self-acceptance. I reminded her that it’s not a journey, it’s a choice.

Very true - the journey is the mulling it over, the considering the option, the fighting the resistance.
Actual self-acceptance is a choice - it is over in the blink of an eye. Then your new journey begins, seeing your life through new and more caring and accepting eyes.
Nice piece Christy, thank you.

5:08PM PDT on Jun 21, 2012


3:32PM PDT on Jun 21, 2012

Wonderful article and nicely said. I esp. liked Janice P.'s and Dorothy W.'s comments.thanks

2:01PM PDT on Jun 21, 2012


12:37PM PDT on Jun 21, 2012

This is beautiful. Thank you for that.

12:34PM PDT on Jun 21, 2012

Such a lovely article seize the day

10:28AM PDT on Jun 21, 2012

(con't.) A beautiful, slender person with a bad, hateful attitude, who cares only about herself, is actually ugly in the eyes of others. An old, wrinkled, wheelchair-bound woman with a beautiful soul is worth more to this world than any amount of money.

If we do not appreciate and love our selves, no one else will either. We teach people to treat us by the way in which we think about and treat ourselves. Be good to yourself, therefore, and recognize the good you bring to this world. If you do that, you will eventually not even notice the "shortcomings" you once thought you had.

10:12AM PDT on Jun 21, 2012

It is very sad to think that a person actually hates something about herself. It is also hard for me to believe that anyone, who hates some fundamental part of herself, can really love anyone else. It is more important than anything that we accept and love who we are at our core. To do otherwise is inviting a life of depression and self-loathing that can repel other people and that can harm our best friend, ourself.

I think that parts of ourselves, which we do not like and which we can change, deserve the work to change them. That includes obesity, poor health from lack of exercise or bad eating habits, and the like. Even eye color, the presence of wrinkled, sagging skin, and thinning hair can be changed with modern techniques.

But, certain things cannot be changed. I am 5'1", and I am not going to grow any taller at my age (65). The trick is learning to appreciate my height and my petite size for what they are. I can get into a lot of spaces that taller, larger people can't fit into. I try to look on the positive attributes I bring to this world, not at bodily characteristics, which I cannot change.

We need to HONOR our SELF and the place she fulfills in this world, the meaning she gives to other people's lives. That is where we find our dignity and our worth. Kindness, generosity, caring, love, and good character are the true marks of who we are. A beautiful, slender person with a bad, hateful attitude, who cares only about herself, is actually u

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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