4 Types of Texters to Beware Of When Dating

By Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan for YourTango.com.

Texting has become a popular way to communicate among singles. People like it because it’s a quick means of communicating details, and men usually prefer texting because it’s easy to stay in touch without much effort. Texting is also a fun way to banter without picking up the phone. That’s the upside.

The downside is when women mistake a man’s frequent texting for real interest in them. So many of my dating coaching clients end up in these lengthy, enjoyable texting “relationships,” thinking they are building a real connection with a man. Sadly, that is usually not the case.

More from YourTango: 5 Reasons Why Men Text Instead of Call

The Four Types Of Texters To Beware

1. The Womanizing Texter. He’s not ready to be exclusive, but seeks female attention. For this guy, texting is the perfect way to keep you—a woman—at arm’s length. In this case, texting is his low commitment way to stay in touch. In fact, a man can actually be texting several women on a regular basis. It helps him feel more desirable and like a hot commodity. Texting provides a great ego boost as the arrival tone alerts everyone in hearing distance of his popularity.

2. The Cheating Texter. He seems to be romantically interested in you … even though he’s in a relationship. Many experts refer to such relationships as emotional cheating: when a man who has a wife or live-in girlfriend creates an emotionally close bond with another woman via texting. This way, he isn’t physically cheating, just flirting with other women. Obviously, you wouldn’t want your man engaging other women this way.

3. The Needy Texter. This guy might text you all day. He wants your attention and needs your help. He’ll either appeal to your nurturing side or just text little things all day to stay in touch. At first it might be fun, but it can wear you down and become pretty darn annoying, especially when you’d prefer a face-to-face date.

More from YourTango: Why Does He Text Me But Not Ask Me Out?

4. The Controlling Texter. He shows a lot of interest, wanting to know what you are up to and where you are going. Initially, you might feel flattered, but his demanding texts can get old, annoying and even worrisome. The controlling guy might have time to date you, but he uses texting to keep a tight rein on you.

The Problem With Texting

For the man who texts frequently, but makes no time to see you, you should take this as a sign that something is not right. Some men satisfy their need for emotional support via text without having to actually date you.

Since most women are kind and naturally want to help, you are happy to lend an ear and feel communicating this way means something. You may feel flattered by how much he stays in touch or think it demonstrates his interest in you. Unfortunately, it usually means nothing. In effect, you are giving away your kindness, empathy and heart for little in exchange. And you feel frustrated, wondering, “Why doesn’t he ask me out?”

Why You Should Stop Texting Him Back

Your time is valuable and your support is a privilege! Don’t give your support away to a man who doesn’t make time to see you, regardless of his reasons. Avoid getting wrapped up in these uncommitted relationships. To better understand men, know when a man seeks out and takes your emotional support, it doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you or that he has feelings for you.

If you want to get the message across that you don’t have time for all this texting, there’s no need to be direct. Simply stop answering the texts. You can answer every third text or take a few hours before you respond. He’ll catch on quickly if you don’t play the game with him.

More from YourTango: How To Tell If A Guy Is Interested In You

I’m not suggesting that you never text again. That’s silly. However, my dating advice is to be aware of this type of texting and not let yourself have feelings for a man who texts you frequently for weeks without having time to see you. A few texts here and there are fun and perfectly acceptable. But texting can never take the place of a date where a full relationship can develop.

If you or someone you know is struggling to find love, I am ready to help with expert dating advice and coaching. Get more tips by downloading my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. My goal is to help you find love with the right man as quickly as possible and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: What Guys Really Think Of Texting.

Love This? Never Miss Another Story.


Rie R.
Rie R.29 days ago

I agree with the article. I'm not big on text as main point of communication if and when I want to truly get to know someone and build a connection, I prefer face to face, but if they can't happen, some short phone conversation or maybe skype.

I definitely do not entertain nonstop texting as some do want to have never ending exchange. For some guys, I do see them broken down in those 4 categories, some want the ease of texting whenever they want and will hide behind text as a crutch to say the most ridiculous things that they'd never say to you over the phone or in person.

I force men to either step up or step off by not entertaining their ploy to hide behind text or technology; those that man up will and those that want to hide will do just that.

I preface that I am not a texter from the very beginning and explain my stance, so there are no misunderstandings upfront. They either roll with it, but those that try to challenge me learn quickly that I mean what I say.

For other ladies that feel inclined to "be nice, give in to wasting hours of your life texting with some lame and he hasn't tried to spend time with you"; make a mental note of this article. If you truly want someone to spend time with, stop entertaining the little boys hiding behind text and either they'll man up or step off; either way you'll quickly see and not waste time entertaining some jack ass that just wants to be entertained.

I've seen more couples that solely rely on te

Diann W.
Diann W.about a year ago

what if you have met a person on your job? You begin to text and you meet up 3 times.One of you no longer works at the job but you have made plans to meet back up 3-4 times since then but for some reason neither time has been successful.The both of you haven't seen each other since december 2013 but continue to text all the time. What is that about?

Dani C.
Dani C.2 years ago

I can understand being concerned if they "blow up your phone" umpteen times a day,but texting is convenient

Elena T.
Elena Poensgen2 years ago

Thank you :)

China H.
China H.2 years ago

Thank you for this information.

Kathy Perez
Kathy Johnson2 years ago

texting is easier for us where we live. the service is inadequate for a call, the service just cuts every call short. sometimes a call cant even go through, other times we may get a minute or so. not enough to converse. texts send easier, you only need a smidgeon of service for it to go through. if you need to change a meet up time? text "need to change to 6. change of plans" instead of finding service, going through proper etiquate "hey its so and so, im fine hope you are. i need to change the time for the meet up. bc of this that and the other. yes, so sorry, no thats fine. is that okay? i need to get off here. bye. no i love you too. bye..." blah blah blah. phone calls are okay for some things, esp serious things, but for me texting is ideal. as for the article? i have encountered all 4 types, texting when im not committed to someone is a waste of time. i text 3 people, my two best friends and my fiance, i call my mom and grandmother. thats about it, unless there is an emergency. face to face is always best

Koty Lapid
Koty Lapid2 years ago

thank you again for sharing this

Prima B.
PrimaAWAY B.2 years ago

People will not be happy with me but I would not trust anyone if they were addicted to their phone and texted. A text once in a while is fine.

Instead of texting, then just call ..... I will never get this.

I don't text but I would be an extreme light/maybe text person a few times a year. 99.9% of the time if I could text I can call!

In a relationship I would not trust anyone who like I said lived with their phone and texted every second. NO WAY!!

Catherine C.
Catherine C.2 years ago

I know I may get some negative comments.. ( from you texters.. LOL ) BUT..
I would love to see the cost of texting go up huge! Charge us per line. Might take us back to talking and being face to face with people. I bet so many relationships go sideways because of a silly text.. It is fun to send a few things back and forth.. don't get me wrong.. I love sending the emoticons and notes too- but it feels as if it is to the point of no return! People glued to their phone. I find this article interesting as really nothing has changed.. a sheep in wolves clothing with always be that! { Ha! or was that the wolve?? }


Fred Hoekstra
Fred Hoekstra2 years ago

Thank you YourTango, for Sharing this!