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When Partners Won’t Change

When Partners Won’t Change

Relationships are one of the most powerful (and difficult!) of
spiritual practices, according to this author and many others.
But what if you’re the only one in your relationship that is
doing the work? How many people does it take to turn a
relationship into a spiritual practice?

Find out what this great spiritual teacher has to say about relationships, blame, and becoming conscious:

Never mind if your partner will not cooperate. Sanity–consciousness–can only come into this world through you. You do not need to wait for the world to become sane, or for somebody else to become conscious, before you can be enlightened. You may wait forever. Do not accuse each other of being unconscious. The moment you start to argue, you have identified with a mental position and are now defending not only that position but also your sense of self. The ego is in charge. You have become unconscious. At times, it may be appropriate to point out certain aspects of your partner’s behavior. If you are very alert, very present, you can do so without ego involvement–without blaming, accusing, or making the other wrong.

When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgment. Judgment is either to confuse someone’s unconscious behavior with who they are or to project your own unconsciousness on to another person and mistake that for who they are. To relinquish judgment does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction and unconsciousness when you see it. It means “being the knowing” rather than “being the reaction” and the judge. You will then either be totally free of reaction or you may react and still be the knowing, the space in which the reaction is watched and allowed to be. Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring in the light. Instead of reacting to delusion, you see the delusion yet at the same time look through it. Being the knowing creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and all people to be as they are. No greater catalyst for transformation exists. If you practice this, your partner cannot stay with and you and remain unconscious.

But beware: Some people who are unresponsive, or cut off from their feelings may think and try to convince others that there is “nothing wrong” with them and everything wrong with their partner. Men tend to do this more than women. They may see their female partners as irrational or emotional. But if your can feel your emotions, you are not far from the radiant inner body just underneath. If you are mainly in your head, the distance is much greater, and you need to bring consciousness into the emotional body before you can reach the inner body.

Read more: Spirit, Inspiration, Self-Help

Adapted from The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle (New World Library, 1999). Copyright (c) 1999 by Eckhart Tolle. Reprinted by permission of New World Library.
Adapted from The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle (New World Library, 1999).

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Annie B. Bond

Annie is a renowned expert in non-toxic and green living. She was named one of the top 20 environmental leaders by Body and Soul Magazine and "the foremost expert on green living." - Body & Soul Magazine, 2009. Learn Annie's latest eco-friendly news on, a website dedicated to healthy and green living.

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The Power of Now

A guide to spiritual now


+ add your own
10:48PM PST on Nov 14, 2013

Thank you for article.

10:48PM PST on Nov 14, 2013

Thank you for article.

10:47PM PST on Nov 14, 2013

Thank you for article.

10:47PM PST on Nov 14, 2013

Thank you for article.

10:47PM PST on Nov 14, 2013

Thank you for article.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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