http://www.care2.com/greenliving/where-are-our-manners.html
Where Are Our Manners?!
By Rebecca Brown, Divine Caroline
As I crammed myself onto a crowded train this morning, I noticed there was a very pregnant woman standing near me, jammed in tightly and hanging on for dear life. I looked at the passengers sitting in the seats that are supposed to be surrendered to the elderly, physically challenged, and other people who need to sit, and all of them were listening to iPods. Most of them were also texting or reviewing email, one person was reading on a Kindle, and two people were watching movies. Not one of them even looked up; everyone was too absorbed in what they were listening to, reading, or watching to even notice the protruding belly and flushed face of the pregnant passenger.
Over the past few years, there have been countless discussions on minding our manners within our new modes of communication. Is it rude to text someone and ask him on a date? When is it appropriate to forward an email? Do we befriend someone on a social networking site we’ve only met once?
But while we’ve been debating the dos and don’ts of technology etiquette, it appears that many of us have forgotten some of the old school manners that our parents, grandparents, and teachers taught us–manners that have nothing to do with a keyboard or a monitor, but have everything to do with the long-forgotten Golden Rule. Maybe technology has eroded our brains so much that we can never go back to those golden days, but there are a few simple courtesies that I’d like to see make a comeback.
Hold doors for people.
This doesn’t just mean men holding doors for women–anyone who has the arm strength to hold a door for someone should. Holding a door shows that we’re paying attention to what’s going on around us and that we care about others even if they’re a complete stranger. That little bit of awareness also helps take our minds off the busy, crappy day we might be having. Plus, it’s a nice and unexpected way to pay it forward, kind of like smiling at a stranger. Hold the door for someone and someone else will hold it for you later.
Give up seats.
Lizzie Post, great-great granddaughter of Emily Post and author of How Do You Work This Life Thing?, says this is one practice she’d like to see happen more often. “Giving up your seat to someone is so easy. Even when people don’t accept your offer, I think it’s nice to get up and stay standing so they know you’re sincere. The more that we become the good example, the more it will catch on.”
Most of us were taught that it’s good manners to give up our seat to the elderly, pregnant, and physically challenged. But if we pay attention on trains, buses, in waiting areas, and other places where people stand, we might notice someone else outside those categories who could also use a seat–like someone carrying a bulky box or a heavy load of groceries. Common sense should prevail; if you see a situation where you think you’d prefer to sit, it’s a good idea to offer your seat.
Mind your telephone manners.
Our chief etiquette concern back in the “olden” days of telephones was remembering to write down a message when someone called. Now that we can take our phones anywhere and use them to do scores of things beyond just making telephone calls, our problems have spiraled out of control. Obnoxious ringtones, picking up calls in public places, sending a text message when a call would be more appropriate, and subjecting innocent bystanders to inappropriate conversations are just a few common telephone missteps.
But Post says that many of our phone snafus could be corrected if we’d follow one simple rule. “Excusing yourself to take a phone call in a private place is something I’d like to see more of. We’re so used to people being on the phone now that this isn’t a common practice anymore.” But what if we we’re in a place where we can’t step out to take a call? Post recommends to keep it brief and to keep the conversation appropriate. “Making plans is okay,” she says. “[But] if you’re gossiping, talking badly about someone, or saying something inappropriate, those should be closed-door conversations.”
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113 comments
add your comment »I believe common manners have been lost when we lost the ability to teach right from wrong.
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My main upset on the manners front seems to be people travelling on the bus using their phones to play music loudly instead of having headphones and keeping their music taste to themselves. I love to daydream on long bus journeys and gaze out the window and the noise level of some people just spoil everyone elses journey.One day i would love all the elderly people on a bus to play some of their music loudly to see how long the ignorant ones would like that. Surely its a bus rule to not disturb other passengers anyway.
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I'm guilty of not being good at introducing people very well when im at church sometimes. Mostly because i might know someone to chat to a bit informerly but when someone else i know comes over and asks me to introduce them im just terrible with name and know i have to improve on that one.
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So many girls are just looking for a man who will follow these guidelines....
*sigh*
lol
but seriously. guys like this are prety hard to come by.
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great article, it's unfortunate that it is necessary but it truly is so thank you
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This is a bit opposite, but a nice comeback to use, that is polite. OK, when you hold the door for a man or woman, who does not thank you, simply state: "I guess your mother never taught you good manners."
Men esp. hang thier head in shame, LOL! I do since I was raised to always have good manners, and reminding strangers to behave like humans is part of that.
Speaking of humans behaving badly, who is avoiding Black Friday?
Laury, so happy to see you tell the kids in private. It shows respect for yourself, the kids, and everyone around you.
Which reminds me, you'll all love this. A while ago a woman was screaming at her vhild and about to hit him. He had accidentally hit himself, and apparently hitting him on purpose was her solution. The grandmother tried to help and the mom was going to hit them both.
No idea why, but I told her in my wonderfully loud voice: "Don't you dare hit him! He didn't do anything wrong." Well she turns around, like she's going to clock me instead.
So being rather stupid, I said even louder: "Sure hit someone your size, that will be a first." Luckily my ploy worked. My booming voice drew a crowd and she retreated.
The kid went home with grandma, and several big dudes escorted the mother to the door. Now what society taught her it is OK to hit kids?
So please people, don't go hitting your kids. Teaches them violence is a good option.
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Seems to me this subject has been over analyzed a bit here. I believe the poster, (Mel), was just reminding us of some simple courtesies that are often sadly absent these days. I know how pleasantly suprised I am when someone actually thanks me for holding a door for them in a public place, or smiles back!
To add to some courtesies; Please do not leave your shopping basket in a handicapped parking spot; how lazy!
Please do not throw your cigarette butts on the ground or out your car window; it is littering. The rest of us don't want to look at them! (I smoke, not proud to say)
Enjoyed the post, and some of the comments....
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Yes! I am pleased to find out that I am not alone......using good manners seems to be a lost art. I try to use my manners at all times & encourage their use by the kids. Whenever the kids use good manners, they are always praised by me; if they forget, I let them know, nicely & privately.
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it is refreshing to see that others feel the same way I do!! I think it is so rude to text, or talk on the phone in a room full of loved ones just waiting for Your presence, then instead of them caring about their loved ones all they can do is chat fascinated with their "others?" , this is just the one example!....Cathi
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The first one is my favorite. Holding doors open for people is just so small and simple a gesture, and yet somehow so many people ignore the opportunity. My father always taught my brother to hold the door open. For years, my brother diligently did so, and finally he asked my dad why it was so important. My dad told him, "You only have so many chances to do something nice for another person."
I have always taken this to heart, and I'm glad that there are still so many people who value this kind gesture.
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