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Where’s That Sexy Feeling?

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Where’s That Sexy Feeling?

My partner and I have always been well matched sexually and even after years together we still enjoy an expanding intimate connection. The problem is I donít know where my sexy went. My partner isnít complaining, but it is hard for me to find the mood when I feel like I have no sex appeal. Do you have any advice about how to find my mojo?

Feeling sexy is one of the most highly coveted forms of self-confidence that we can experience.† So desired is the feeling of being desirable, most major advertising uses this motivation to sell us everything from toothpaste to soft drinks to cars. And yet acquiring the products has little correlation to that spark that ignites in us when we are feeling ourselves, being ourselves and have full confidence in our sex appeal.

Remember the times when you were crossing the street in your pajamas to get the paper and just strutted with the arousal you knew you were exuding? Or at other times, when you are sweaty and† have messy hair after a workout class but still† stride home immersed in your own attraction.†† Compare this to the times when we spend hours perfecting our makeup, straightening or curling the hair, taking the tags off of a ridiculously expensive dress, but sexy is hiding.† The self-conscious has taken over.

Lacking sexual self-confidence is one of the biggest libido killers and surprisingly affects both men and women. Many studies name insecurity about body image, weight or general appearance as one of the top distractions in our ability to enjoy sex. For even more people it is these same insecurities that step between them and the confidence that allows us to explore and exude our sex appeal.

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.† In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,† she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative advice.†It has been called "the essential guide for relationships." †The book is available on ebook.† Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


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10:24AM PDT on Apr 16, 2013


1:48AM PDT on Apr 15, 2013


5:05PM PDT on Jun 8, 2011

nice article

4:07PM PST on Mar 8, 2011

good article, great comments...

3:18AM PST on Feb 16, 2011

What sexy feeling?

4:25PM PST on Jan 24, 2011

I do think our society tells us we should be something in regards to this. In reality life has ebbs and flows. I am a late bloomer myself. Didn't start really getting my mojo until 30's. Also find that when I am low on Vit D have low libido. Don't worry what is normal just have fun.

8:54PM PST on Jan 18, 2011

if you want to feel sexy and you don't...this might help...take a really nice hot bubble bath...apply creamy lotions when you get out and add your best perfume...then be sure to put on either pure silk or pure satin lingerie...have some very nice sparkling champagne chilling...and enjoy....light a fireplace if you have it....and use lots of candles...if you want to feel sexy...because work and kids sometimes interfere and sap our might have to work at it a little...and this usually works....and this has nothing to do with love and sex...this is about how you feel about yourself....

1:24PM PST on Jan 18, 2011

Sort of like a libido-based frontal lobotomy, isn't it? I have a friend complaining about much the same thing, it hit him right after his 92nd birthday party.

10:53PM PST on Jan 17, 2011

Thanx for article

2:25PM PST on Jan 14, 2011

I've noticed that after meditation, in calmness, peace, and the inner strength it enhances, I get the looks and smiles, from my wife, as well. I get suprised, as I'm not thinking "sexy" at all, just a calm bliss.

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