http://www.care2.com/greenliving/why-ask-why-children-asking-the-same-question-over-and-over-again.html
Why Ask Why? Children Asking the Same Question Over and Over Again
It is so common that it makes you laugh to yourself when you witness it with another child, as I did the other night. I was in a restaurant with my son when I heard, coming from a neighboring table, a litany of “why” questions. These are often those meandering and tangential queries about anything and everything from “why is the crayon broken?” to “why is air invisible?”–questions that occupy so much of the dead air space between parent and child. On this particular night, the neighboring toddler-inquisitor was asking things like, “why do we eat with plates?” and “why isn’t Lily here?” The boy’s mother either met each successive question with a feeble attempt at an answer or total exasperation. I laughed because it was funny, and it wasn’t happening to me–at least at that very moment.
However, I find myself answering, or at least attempting to answer, these “why questions” that come from my young child. At times it is cute and an endearing representation of the curious spirit, other times it feels like an inquisition. Now comes scientific research revealing that the reason behind so many “why questions” coming from children is that, beyond being inherently curious, they are also looking for some form of engagement. According to this research performed on 2 to 5-year olds enrolled in a study at the University of Michigan, from looking at how the children reacted to the answers they received to their questions, the researchers found that children seem to be more satisfied when they receive an explanatory answer than when they do not. Nothing truly revelatory there, as any parent would tell you, however in further examining these conversational exchanges, it was revealed that children are not simply trying to prolong conversation, but they are truly trying to get to the bottom of things.
But as any parent will tell you, the “bottom of things” is an indefinite destination, with these why conversations becoming cyclical, almost comedic, routines. Dr Alan Greene sees it somewhat differently and says that children “don’t need to know why, all they need is animated attention” and the parent-child interchange. Therefore, your curious child should be satisfied by a fair and thorough explanation of why and how the sky is actually blue.
For me, I find the questions (for the most part) pretty charming and a window into my child’s developing awareness and consciousness. And at times, it even makes me take pause and consider things like, “why can’t we eat rocks?”
I encourage you to share some personal insight on the matter. What do you feel is the purpose of the non-stop “why and how questions”? Have you witnessed changes in your child’s behavior after a particularly detailed explanation of something? Is it all just digressive chatter? Feel free to share stories and anecdotes, or just ask why?
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31 comments
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Children ask these questions because they really do want to know. The appropriate answers are always the correct ones and if you don't know the answer the best thing you can do is say so and then go on to find it. When my son was this age, before the ubiquitous presence of the internet, we kept a small notebook handy and wrote any questions I was not able to readily answer in it. We usually went to the library once a week and we would chose one or two questions that still held his interest to look up, sometimes finding books about the question, while there. I think it set a good example in that it showed that there were always things even adults didn't know but that one could always seek new knowledge, it also taught that the library was a good place to start when one wanted to learn something.
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Having a 4 year old, this was helpful!
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Sometimes asking back "what do you think?" will engage more insightful conversations.
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I try to avoid "because I said so" as an answer as much as possble. However, ther sometimes comes a time in a point that it needs to be stated (althouh rarely).
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And interesting article and one that I will forward on to my daughter, the mother of a 5-year old who is constantly asks "why". Interesting comments posted also, and some that make me glad that all my children have long passed the "why" phase. The irony is, in a few years the shoe will be on the other foot and the parents of the "whys" will be the ones asking the questions; and generally getting very little in the way of answers or even interaction. Ah the circle of life.
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Thank you
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This article reminded me of my son, who at the age of 2, asked me why the grass was wet every morning. I told him that it was dew. He asked "Where does dew come from?" Not knowing how to explain the concept of dew to a 2-year-old I simply said, "God." He seemed to be satisfied with that answer. The next day as we took our morning walk he noticed the wet grass and shaking his head, he said to me in a very disapproving tone, "Mom, God dewed on the grass again!" It was one of those wonderful moments when I got a delightful insight into how my child processed information.
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Thanks for the info.
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My three year old twins are in a parent co-op preschool, and we the parents have weekly evening meetings to discuss the wonders and challenges of three year olds :) We were talking about the never-ending whys recently, and our teacher said for one of her daughters, she never really seemed to be satisfied with an answer until she received one that really related to her. For example, when she asked, "why is it raining?" an answer that explained the water cycle didn't really satisfy her so she kept asking in different ways, but once her mom told her that it rained so that the trees and plants got enough water to make flowers for her to enjoy in the spring, she was happy and satisfied. I thought that was not only adorable but a really interesting insight - that for some kids at least, they are not only trying to understand something but relate it to themselves and their world - "why is it raining and what does it mean for me?" At this age they are really trying to figure out who they are and how they relate to everything and everyone around them. It is a tiring age for parents at times but also so fun and cute!
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