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Loading...Why Do We Feel Good Making Fun of Others?
- a Care2 favorite by Ed and Deb Shapiro
- 141 comments
Two men and a woman videoed themselves enthusiastically laughing as they beat up an old man. Nineteen year-old Tyler Clementi committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and a friend secretly videotaped him having a sexual encounter with another man and put it out on the internet. Children giggle when another child falls down; when the opposing team wins we call them nasty names; when someone is bloodily beat up in a boxing match we shout hooray. America’s Funniest Home Videos is full of images of people falling, crashing, making mistakes, and the resounding laughter that accompanies them.
Why do we find this so amusing? We may not always agree with others, but why do we need to make fun of their suffering? Why do we think it’s funny to put down, hurt, or even abuse another person?
In the political arena constant put-downs are normal, especially this year with all the Rep versus Dem barbs. Rush Limbaugh has repeatedly called Sandra Fluke a slut for defending women’s rights and said he wants President Obama to fail: “If Obama fails, America is saved.”
When we find fault in someone we feel good. We belittle another as a way of making ourselves look better; finding fault or putting them down makes us feel superior. This tends to happen more when we are down ourselves, as misery loves company: feel bad and we invariably make others the problem.
You would hope that as healthy human beings we would be concerned about another’s good fortune and happy to respect their preferences and choices. When we have a genuine regard for ourselves we naturally extend that by wishing others success. Mudita is a Sanskrit term meaning “sympathetic joy,” or taking joy in other people’s happiness and well-being.
Now, in essence, this sounds very easy and obvious—feeling joyful for another’s joy—but someone else’s good fortune may be at the expense of our own (they got the job but we didn’t) so can we still be happy for them? It may highlight our own lack of good fortune, or challenge our self-worth and value. In other words, taking joy in someone you may have a negative feeling toward certainly does not happen overnight.
Mudita confronts us with those places that are wrapped up in our ego, such as jealousy, envy, judgment and greed. Jealousy isn’t going to get us anywhere other than into further pain and suffering, but how often do we wish someone does not succeed because their success highlights our own sense of failure? We judge others in comparison to our own beliefs and preferences but we can respect their choices, even if they are different to our own. Greed and self-centeredness take us out of the present and stop us from appreciating what we have right now.
Mudita asks that we let go of envy and comparison by seeing the other as ourselves, that there is no difference: we all experience the human condition, we breathe the same air, and we all want to be happy. Releasing judgment means stepping outside of our limited view and letting go of fixed and predictable patterns of thinking and behaving.
As mudita takes root, so we genuinely wish others be well. We actually want them to be happy! It makes us feel good. We want them to be free from suffering and to succeed at whatever they do. We recognize that our happiness and their happiness are no different and so we experience a deep joy in their well-being.
Read more: Blogs, Ed and Deb, Guidance, Inspiration, Self-Help, Spirit, bullying
Ed and Deb Shapiro
You can learn more in our book, Be The Change: How Meditation Can Transform You and the World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors Marianne Williamson, Jane Fonda, Ram Dass, Byron Katie and others. Our 3 meditation CD’s: Metta—Loving kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi–Breath Awareness and Insight; and Yoga Nidra–Inner Conscious Relaxation, are available at: EdandDebShapiro.com
Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may
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Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.
people are talking
ready to try this - love salads
thanks
OK.
What if you're stuck with being the one who has to fight? That was my first reaction to the video. B…
Desperately sad. Every species is precious...
141 comments
+ add your ownThis seems like an excellent mindset to adopt.
I still don't understand the appeal of slapstick humor either...thanks for reminding us that humor doesn't need to hurt someone
Anna M.: Psychological studies show that in a lot of cases, what the laughter is, is nervous laughter to start with, say, in a classroom full of kids when one kid makes a snarky comment at one kid's expense--sometimes that laughter at least for to start with, is nervous laughter--the kids are glad it wasn't them so it's a nervous relief--in some cases. In other cases, it's a mob mentality effect--emotional energy (mood, climate of a person's mood or being) is catching--in its basic level--when we're around someone happy we're happy, etc.--it's called emotional contagion. In the case of a mob--if one person with a strong personality starts a behavior--good *or* bad--they take a leadership role, kind of (in some cases) by default--then it catches on.
I cannot explain however why these two individuals made the video above.
Anna M.: Psychological studies show that in a lot of cases, what the laughter is, is nervous laughter to start with, say, in a classroom full of kids when one kid makes a snarky comment at one kid's expense--sometimes that laughter at least for to start with, is nervous laughter--the kids are glad it wasn't them so it's a nervous relief--in some cases. In other cases, it's a mob mentality effect--emotional energy (mood, climate of a person's mood or being) is catching--in its basic level--when we're around someone happy we're happy, etc.--it's called emotional contagion. In the case of a mob--if one person with a strong personality starts a behavior--good *or* bad--they take a leadership role, kind of (in some cases) by default--then it catches on.
I cannot explain however why these two individuals made the video above.
Putting others down to make ourselves great is not the best of our traits.
Thanks
Thanks for the excellent article.
I happened to see an explanation following my comment.
Perhaps you misunderstood what I said .... I still don't think they're abusive, unless the person filmed really objects to the video being shown. I repeat, some videos do look especially acted with a view to sending them to the program, hoping they will be featured and perhaps even receive a prize. I know men are risk takers and adventurous but thank heavens not all men behave the way most men are portrayed.
Heather: The vids are sent to them from the people who submit them, and the voice is done by the presenter, methinks. The commentary.
It's very difficult to deal with abuse. Abusers are indeed failures in their own lives, miserable and envious of others, judging others who they don't even know. Their actions need to be reported to authorities - without delay.
Abuse is not something I came across until I came to Canada in my more senior years. Nevertheless, it most often makes we wonder how young people deal with it - especially if your background is from a loving family and it is not a culture you have encountered before.
With regard to 'America’s Funniest Home Videos' I think many of those clips are acted out specifically to forward to that program. The presenter is a truly off-putting character who I attempt to avoid watching.
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