A Simple Process for Forgiveness

Looking back on my life it’s easy to see that all of it was perfect – that is, from here. It certainly didn’t feel that way when I was crawling through hell to get to this side of heaven.

We all have stories of pain. In fact it seems to be that very pain that points us in the direction of what we’re here to do. Look closely at where you hurt because under that pain lives a purpose and a mission.

Little did I know that the trauma and loss I experienced as a child and as a young woman was serving as a training ground for how to help others find their way out of darkness.

Whatever your struggle, your pain, your loss, know that there is something of value in all experience. And know — really and truly — that you are not what happens to you. You are so much more than that.

The first time I heard, “You are not what happens to you,” my life shifted in an instant.

I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that what happened to me in my past, was not me — not the essence of me. I was not a victim, nor would I live the life of a victim. The self-judgments that I’d allowed to define me and my choices, that I felt shackled to, began to release, and there was freedom inside of me for the very first time.

You also are not what happens to you. You are so much more magnificent! When you hold onto judging yourself for what happened, or judging someone for what they did to you, you carry the past like a clamp around your heart. Forgiveness frees you to give and to receive love – to joyously do what you came here to do.

I’m not suggesting that you forgive your actions or the actions of others. That is not your job. Rather, that you forgive how you judge those actions. Forgiveness isn’t about thwarting responsibility or encouraging unkind behavior, rather it’s a practice for letting go of your obstacles to loving.

The following forgiveness process has literally changed thousands of lives! I assure you that it will change yours, if you open to it and apply it with a loving intention. Place your hand over your heart and say the following statement:

“I forgive myself for judging myself AS_______.” Fill in the blank with your judgments, one judgment at a time.

Then, “I forgive myself for judging ________AS____________.” Fill in the blank with the names of others you judge and the judgments you hold against them.

I can’t think of a more powerful act of service than forgiveness. While it might seem that you’re assisting some higher agenda by punishing yourself or others with judgments, you’re only choking off your natural flow of love. Nobody ever became a better person by judging what they did.

Forgive freely and forgive every day, and love will flow to you and from you, like a river in Spring.

Karen Brody is known as The Love and Intimacy Coach. For more reflections on the power of forgiveness, please visit InspireMeToday.com.


LMj Sunshine

Thank you for sharing.

LMj Sunshine

Thank you for sharing.

Jessica K.
Jessica K3 years ago

I like the suggestion of forgiving oneself for judging. Puts the focus back on oneself, the person everyone has more power to change. Thanks.

Jonathan Harper
Jonathan H3 years ago


Judy Apelis
Judy A3 years ago


Donna F.
Donna F3 years ago

ty for this article

Aud nordby
Aud nordby3 years ago


Rhonda B.
Rhonda B3 years ago

Thank you

Mari 's
Mari 's3 years ago

As long as a holy book isn't in my face I can forgive anyone. Keep it to yourself.