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Would You Rather Be Married or Happy?

Would You Rather Be Married or Happy?

On Oprah today, I watched as she did a segment on the women living in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was struck by the comments of one particular woman. She is tall, lean, blonde, forty-four years old, and enjoying her singleness.

Denmark has been named by researchers as the happiest country in the world. There is free health care, free college (as a matter of fact, students are actually paid to attend college), a year paid maternity leave, and four years support if you lose your job.

How is this paid for? A 50 percent tax rate. Yet these beautiful women that Oprah interviewed were glowing with happiness. The forty-four-year-old single woman commented that because she is financially secure, she doesn’t need to be married to be happy. Oprah described how different it is in the States were women obsess over being married. Or better said, they obsess about GETTING married, not being married.

That really got me to thinking. I have two friends who are desperate to be married. Beautiful, intelligent–actually tall, lean blondes in their thirties who are so anxious about NOT being married that they are a wreck.

Physical symptoms like TMJ, ulcers, and even hemorrhoids are torturing their lovely young bodies as they go from man to man–literally exhausting themselves in the search. Here is the time when they are young, strong, and vibrant beings and they are not enjoying a bit of it.

I am fifty-six. My body is changing shape. Hair is growing from places that it shouldn’t be. My energy and stamina is also changing and dictating what hobbies and activities I can do. I have hot flashes that melt off my makeup and wilt my hairstyle. (And you thought I cut my hair to be stylish! Ha!) I am happier than I have ever been.

I am also married and I am grateful for that and enjoy being married completely, even though there are days that I miss the total freedom of being single. Ironically, my single clients pine for my married status, mistakenly thinking that being in a couple is the key to happiness.

Happiness is not tied to our circumstances. Happiness is a point of view. Not many of us would like to be paying 50 percent of our income to the government and yet research shows Denmark to be the happiest country on the planet. That makes you think, doesn’t it?

If you are single and unhappy, I can tell you one thing for sure. Unhappiness is VERY unappealing. How fun is it for you to be in the presence of grouchy, complaining unhappy people. In order to attract the relationship of your dreams, you must find happiness first.

There really is nothing more attractive than a happy content person. It isn’t marriage that brings that–it is YOU.

Read more: Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, Spirit, , ,

By Catherine Behan, Divine Caroline

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At DivineCaroline.com, women come together to learn from experts in the fields, of health, sustainability, and culture; to reflect on shared experiences; and to express themselves by writing and publishing stories about anything that matters to them. Here, real women publish like real pros. Together, with our staff writers, they’re discussing all facets of women’s lives from relationships and careers, to travel and healthy living. So come discover, read, learn, laugh and connect at DivineCaroline.com.

79 comments

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9:35AM PDT on Apr 11, 2013

most definitely HAPPY! and my husband has helped me be happier. for those that think marriage is the most important thing to accomplish, look at the number of divorces. i'm very grateful that I found the right guy for me. we've had ups and downs and always WORK through them. if we didn't, we would have split up and i'd be happy without him.

9:00AM PST on Jan 25, 2012

You can be happy and married, or happy and single, or unhappy and married or unhappy and single.

Just bein married or single does not determine your happiness....

BUT...I HAVE BEEN MARIED 45 YEARS...NOT ALAWAYS EASY BUT WORTH THE RIDE!

1:59PM PST on Jan 19, 2012

it is very good to be married to the right person, than the wrong one. and to be very happy as well.

1:56PM PST on Jan 19, 2012

it is very good to be married to the right person, than the wrong one. and to be very happy as well.

10:20AM PST on Jan 17, 2012

The title of misleading. It isn't an either..or. As the author said, happiness comes from within and is not based on circumstances.

1:58PM PST on Dec 8, 2011

Thank you for sharing. Hugs, Tia

9:57AM PST on Dec 8, 2011

Rather be happely married!

5:16AM PDT on Sep 7, 2011

Rosie is right.

4:03PM PDT on Aug 2, 2011

@Grainne, I totally agree with your comment. I would say that you are a very lucky woman if you are happily married. Unfortunately my marriages didn't last, but I don't regret having been married, and would happily do it again when the time is right. I never envied anyone for being single. I don't like being alone at all - always happier in a couple. Many people who are older and still single are in denial when they say they are happy. I sometimes envy my grandmother and think relationships have got far too complicated these days. Good luck - hope you and your husband will be happy forever.

5:26AM PDT on Aug 2, 2011

I'm married and very happy. I was happy when I was single too, but it really annoyed me when married people told me how lucky I was. They chose to be married, I didn't choose to be single. If you are in an unhappy marriage, get out, but don't say to single people that they are lucky to not have met the person that they will love forever and who will love them back. As humans, we want to find that special someone. Sadly, I know a few women who married for the sake of getting married, rather than because they met the love of their life. In today's society, it is deemed more acceptable to be divorced at 40 than to never have married.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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