Would You Rather Be Married or Happy?
On Oprah today, I watched as she did a segment on the women living in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was struck by the comments of one particular woman. She is tall, lean, blonde, forty-four years old, and enjoying her singleness.
Denmark has been named by researchers as the happiest country in the world. There is free health care, free college (as a matter of fact, students are actually paid to attend college), a year paid maternity leave, and four years support if you lose your job.
How is this paid for? A 50 percent tax rate. Yet these beautiful women that Oprah interviewed were glowing with happiness. The forty-four-year-old single woman commented that because she is financially secure, she doesn’t need to be married to be happy. Oprah described how different it is in the States were women obsess over being married. Or better said, they obsess about GETTING married, not being married.
That really got me to thinking. I have two friends who are desperate to be married. Beautiful, intelligent–actually tall, lean blondes in their thirties who are so anxious about NOT being married that they are a wreck.
Physical symptoms like TMJ, ulcers, and even hemorrhoids are torturing their lovely young bodies as they go from man to man–literally exhausting themselves in the search. Here is the time when they are young, strong, and vibrant beings and they are not enjoying a bit of it.
I am fifty-six. My body is changing shape. Hair is growing from places that it shouldn’t be. My energy and stamina is also changing and dictating what hobbies and activities I can do. I have hot flashes that melt off my makeup and wilt my hairstyle. (And you thought I cut my hair to be stylish! Ha!) I am happier than I have ever been.
I am also married and I am grateful for that and enjoy being married completely, even though there are days that I miss the total freedom of being single. Ironically, my single clients pine for my married status, mistakenly thinking that being in a couple is the key to happiness.
Happiness is not tied to our circumstances. Happiness is a point of view. Not many of us would like to be paying 50 percent of our income to the government and yet research shows Denmark to be the happiest country on the planet. That makes you think, doesn’t it?
If you are single and unhappy, I can tell you one thing for sure. Unhappiness is VERY unappealing. How fun is it for you to be in the presence of grouchy, complaining unhappy people. In order to attract the relationship of your dreams, you must find happiness first.
There really is nothing more attractive than a happy content person. It isn’t marriage that brings that–it is YOU.
By Catherine Behan, Divine Caroline