http://www.care2.com/greenliving/would-you-rather-be-married-or-happy.html
Would You Rather Be Married or Happy?
By Catherine Behan, Divine Caroline
On Oprah today, I watched as she did a segment on the women living in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was struck by the comments of one particular woman. She is tall, lean, blonde, forty-four years old, and enjoying her singleness.
Denmark has been named by researchers as the happiest country in the world. There is free health care, free college (as a matter of fact, students are actually paid to attend college), a year paid maternity leave, and four years support if you lose your job.
How is this paid for? A 50 percent tax rate. Yet these beautiful women that Oprah interviewed were glowing with happiness. The forty-four-year-old single woman commented that because she is financially secure, she doesn’t need to be married to be happy. Oprah described how different it is in the States were women obsess over being married. Or better said, they obsess about GETTING married, not being married.
That really got me to thinking. I have two friends who are desperate to be married. Beautiful, intelligent–actually tall, lean blondes in their thirties who are so anxious about NOT being married that they are a wreck.
Physical symptoms like TMJ, ulcers, and even hemorrhoids are torturing their lovely young bodies as they go from man to man–literally exhausting themselves in the search. Here is the time when they are young, strong, and vibrant beings and they are not enjoying a bit of it.
I am fifty-six. My body is changing shape. Hair is growing from places that it shouldn’t be. My energy and stamina is also changing and dictating what hobbies and activities I can do. I have hot flashes that melt off my makeup and wilt my hairstyle. (And you thought I cut my hair to be stylish! Ha!) I am happier than I have ever been.
I am also married and I am grateful for that and enjoy being married completely, even though there are days that I miss the total freedom of being single. Ironically, my single clients pine for my married status, mistakenly thinking that being in a couple is the key to happiness.
Happiness is not tied to our circumstances. Happiness is a point of view. Not many of us would like to be paying 50 percent of our income to the government and yet research shows Denmark to be the happiest country on the planet. That makes you think, doesn’t it?
If you are single and unhappy, I can tell you one thing for sure. Unhappiness is VERY unappealing. How fun is it for you to be in the presence of grouchy, complaining unhappy people. In order to attract the relationship of your dreams, you must find happiness first.
There really is nothing more attractive than a happy content person. It isn’t marriage that brings that–it is YOU.
At DivineCaroline.com, women come together to learn from experts in the fields, of health, sustainability, and culture; to reflect on shared experiences; and to express themselves by writing and publishing stories about anything that matters to them. Here, real women publish like real pros. Together, with our staff writers, they’re discussing all facets of women’s lives from relationships and careers, to travel and healthy living. So come discover, read, learn, laugh and connect at DivineCaroline.com.
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53 comments
add your comment »Happiness is NOT something that comes from outside yourself. While things, people, Etc. can make you feel happy, it is fleeting, temporary.
You must BE happy and bring that to a relationship.
Define what you want and expect from a relationship. Consider who you are? Consider what you have to offer to another?
Then you can stop searching. When the person you want comes to you and they are that perso to whom you truly want to offer yourself. Then it could well be a happy union.
However, DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY! You will only be disappointed.
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We also pay close to 50% of our wages in taxes. One just has to add up the Federal Income Tax, State Income Tax, City Income Tax, Federal Gasoline Tax, State Gasoline Tax, City Gasoline Tax, Phone Utility taxes, Heating Oil/Gas taxes, County Real Estate Taxes, State auto registration plates tax and driver's license tax, Library tax, county roads tax, cemetery tax, City government tax, Community College Tax, School Taxes, General State Sales Tax on most purchases, taxes to support police, ambulance, fire department, 911 services, All FEES are really taxes for usage, Taxes on profits from investments, Grants to college students and student loans are from taxes, public colleges are from state taxes, liquor taxes, tobacco taxes, and hidden taxes all over the place that people don't even know about; AND on top of all that we have to pay for our health/dental insurances.
Maybe it works for Denmark because they only have 5.5 million population and their population is just a little more than the entire population of the State of Minnesota!
So, maybe if we took a state the size of Minnesota and used all their citizens in an experiment to copy the Denmark way of life we can see if the Danes really have a better way of life!
Larry in Illinois
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We must create our own happiness and find our "spot" in the world. I would rather be happy then married but I do dream of getting married and finding happiness to share with that special person. Thank you for this article, I needed it very much!
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Do we all know why some people are not happy? It is because we are never satisfied of what we have. We forgot to thank God what we have. Instead, we always want more. A person who is never satisfied will never feel fulfilled. That's how I look at it.
folic acid
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Hi Teresa,
That depends on your marriage of course. I'm sorry that your experience is such that you can't see the possibility of a mutually supportive marriage between two people who love and respect each other. I assure you - they do exist.
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I'd rather be happy and marriage is actually the opposite of happiness, especially for wome, who are very often abused by their husbands. Personally, I think marriage is just an age-old way of subduing women and keeping them under control.
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Gee I am married and guess what I am happy.. No brainer..
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Rather to be happy than married :). People have enough things to care about, like their parents (when they are older), job... You never have total freedom so I prefer to be single. Maybe I will chnage my mind in the future but now it is like this.
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Well, I want to be married, but that's because if I don't I feel like I'm missing out on one of the most amazing things anyone can go through, falling in love and never falling out, living life witht the perfect person, always at your side...
But it I had to choose between never finding that perfect person, and living with somebody I can't stand, over being happily single...I'd be happily single
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I personally am happily married!!! But if a person is just marrying the person they are with just to be able say they are married then they have it all wrong.
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