Also, I just had to comment on Gerard's comment about being all for women's rights but we shouldn't mess with "traditional male gender roles". Here's what that sounds like to me. "You want to go out and vote and work outside the home? Great! Go do that. But you better still keep the house clean and get my dinner on the table on time. Because expecting me to learn things like how to boil water and which end of a feather duster to use is going against my traditional gender roles." Sorry, but to gain equality we NEED to take a long hard look at traditional male gender roles as well as female gender roles. Because "letting" women buck tradition without expecting or even "allowing" the same thing for men just adds to women's workload without giving any REAL equality.

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I don't have kids (yet) but I'm fascinated with watching my niece and my nephews. My older nephew is 4 1/2 and is about as "boy" as you can get. He's constantly playing super heroes and having "battles" between his toys. But the Christmas he was 2 the only thing he asked for was a toy kitchen - so he could make his mom breakfast. My younger nephew carried a doll around with him for the longest time. It was his baby, and it went everywhere with him. He would even give it bottles and burp it. He no longer has his doll, but e will sometimes do that with his stuffed animals. He also puts his stuffed animals down for naps. He puts them on a pillow, and puts a cover over them, gives them a kiss and says "goodnight, have a good nap". Then we all get yelled at for making too much noise cuz his baby is sleeping. But, at 3 1/2 he can hold his own against his big brother and will be just as likely to start the wrestling matches. My niece, though, is definitely a girlie girl. Much to her mother's chagrin. She hates getting dirty and already (at about 18 months) loves dresses and frills. The funny part about that is that my sister did not want a girlie girl, she fully intended to raise the child as a "tomboy". The baby had other ideas and we all just go with it. Just as we go with it when my nephews don't always conform to their accepted gender roles. My BIL was totally okay with my nephew carrying a doll around, and his only rules for the kitchen was that it couldn't be pink.

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It drives me crazy when children are forced into their "normal" gender roles, especially at a young age. When I was little, I loved dressing up in fancy, frilly things. So did my brother. I also loved wearing jeans and tees, climbing as high as possible in every tree I encountered, and doing tricks on my bike. Me and my brother played dolls, but we played trucks too. And if anyone was the daring, dirty, "boyish" child it was definitely me. My little bro used to hate getting dirt under his nails. My parents dressed us pretty much the same except for special occasions, when I got my frilly velvet dress and he got a suit. I loved those frilly dresses but I loved being a tomboy too. I'm a music teacher ("feminine" role) but I do it in the inner city and I'm tough as nails. I break up fights between kids all the time. And you know what? Boys fight boys, girls fight boys, girls fight girls; gender doesn't matter. And I've taught plenty of girlish boys and boyish girls, some gay some straight. Your genitalia do not dictate what kind of person you become. And neither does innocent child experimentation. If you could see the masculine guy my brother has become you'd never guess he spent his formative years wearing my mom's old slip, a floppy hat, and bread pans on his feet. :-D Let kids be kids, let them be themselves, and let them grow into the adults they know they are inside, and treat the external as just that. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

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Interesting article, and interesting comments. I haven't read all the comments, but most people seem to agree that "gender" identity shouldn't be forced. I agree. Even if you try to raise girls and boys differently they will ultimately be whoever they are. I have three daughters and one son, and they all had to do the same chores; including their own laundry from the age of 12. My son played his fair share of barbies and "school" with his sisters, he also liked building things with legos (something my daughters just weren't that into), drawing super-heroes and building "huts" everywhere. My son has never been a "tough" or rugged boy, he's never been as socially adept as his sisters, but at 22 he is definitely a man. He doesn't think like his sisters, and he compartmentalizes feelings like a man. I agree that some things are literally hardwired into us, and those things can't be changed.

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Padma R -

This pink-blue as a gender stereotype is relatively recent - see http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2831/was-pink-originally-the-color-for-boys-and-blue-for-girls

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Not having read all of the comments here, I do want to point out a couple things: I think in feminist theory there is largely understood to be a distinction between sex, which is biological, and gender, which is a social construct. In refusing to make this child's sex fundamental to its identity, I believe these parents are actually creating a much broader and more welcoming space for this child's gender identity to form. As it gets older and enters school, I do think it will be more difficult to keep sex and gender separate, but I don't see anything inherently negative (or inherently positive, for that matter, it's just a different method that will result in a different sort of individual) about how these parents are going about it.

I also wanted to point out that the footnote to that article in Svenska Dagbladet states that Pop is not the child's name, just the name they have chosen to use for the press.

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America is no doubt a free country, however, coming to America, I found it strange that kids were dressed up in pink and blue to identify the gender. I grew up in India where you just asked the parents the gender or identified the gender using the child's name .. was as simple as that! or was it?!

It is important to teach a child to comfortable and happy with themselves.

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I love this article! Like stated before, children should not be put into a category from birth! They should be allowed to grow and thrive being themselves and not feeling the pressure to HAVE to dress like this or act like that. I understand the feeling of growing up and not being able to feel like you fit in because of how you dress or act. Kids dont need another reason to group themselves and gender is one of them.

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Hi Marissa:
Thanks for an interesting and honset post about the reality of gender differences between girls and boys, re. dolls and trucks. For a great read on this, try "Why Gender Matters" by Leonard Sax. His other bestseller is "Boys Adrift."
When we don't acknowledge diffences in gender, we miss some very significant issues, one being in education. Brain research shows that the developmental (and we're talking hardwiring) maturity of a 5 year-old boy in Kindergarten is at about the same level as most 3 1/2 year old girls. This means that most boys are not ready to learn to read and write, let alone sit still, until they are in at least grade 1. Yet, most girls are ready for literacy by Kindergarten. In Canada, Kindergarten is the new Gr. 1.
RE. your husband and sharing his thoughts and feelings. Boys will generally take their cues for sharing, etc. from the father. Most men won't share on that deep emotional level because they are afraid to lose control, lose respect, or they just haven't found a safe place to unload. Most men hide behind intricate fig leaves of strength, as in dress, conduct, performance (sexual, sports, job, financial, or otherwise).
I have lead and participated in men's groups for over 12 years and I know very well that men can and do share their feelings - if they feel safe and are not afraid to lose the respect of others.
A great read on this is "Iron John," by Robert Bly. For women, Dr. Pinkola's "Women who Run with the Wolves."

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I did not read all comments on here, so I apologize if I am repeating what someone else might have said. I have two boys, ages 8 and 4. I was determined to try to raise them without too much gender stereotyping. I bought them both dolls... I have always been a fairly girly girl, and not a loud person... I enjoy quiet activities, and so I haven't encouraged my boys to get into rough-and-tumble kinds of activities. My husband also is into cooking and plants and that sort of thing. I mow the lawn, etc. In spite of all this, my boys are loud and boisterous. They might play with a doll for a while, but not in the way most girls would. A friend of ours confirms this with his two girls... he bought them trucks, but the girls play games with the "Mommy" truck and "Daddy" truck and "baby" truck.

Since I have been unhappy with some aspects of my husband's personality that are considered traditional male traits, like not identifying and sharing his feelings, I wanted to raise my boys to be different, to be more "modern" men who can be strong but still emotionally healthy and nurturing with their children.

However, it's my feeling that sooooo much of these things are hardwired in their brains. I think I can temper it, maybe, but only a bit.

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