XY, XX, or Undeclared: Gender Identity and Children

“Your little girl is so cute”, I get this about twice a day. Most of the time my cursory response is an appreciative “thank you” but if I have the time and am not trying to stuff my child into a car seat or avoid life-threatening peril I will correct these well-wishers by saying “thank you, and she is a he.” I am rarely bothered by this (sometimes puzzled, but rarely bothered) and figure that my blond, curly-haired toddler son is just that damn cute that he transcends the limitations of boy cuteness and has jumped into a whole other gender quotient of cute.

I reflected on this common occurrence recently when I happened upon the news/social experiment happening in Sweden concerning one young couple and their toddler of uncertain gender. The parents in question are electing to raise their child (going by the gender, and even species, ambiguous name of “Pop”) without any clear gender distinction or adherence to any typical gender norms. “We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother told a local Swedish newspaper, and she went on to add, “It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

What this all means for “Pop” and his/her companions, family members, and the like remains to be seen. “Pop”, according to the article, sports both girls and boys clothes, and is fully aware of his/her gender, but to everyone else it remains a close kept secret.

While at its core this social experiment seems to be more of an exploit and stunt than a true discipline or benevolent sacrifice for the good of the child. These parents already, no doubt, have countless detractors and critics, and I have no desire to join the fray. With that said, I think there is something genuinely compelling about this particular approach and the obvious nature vs. nurture questions that arise around it. While gender is a biological fact (some in the transgender community would likely argue this point) and not a social or artificial construct, there is little doubt that contemporary society adheres to distinctly rigid ideas of gender conformity (that old “boys will be boys” and “girls are beautiful and sweet” notion of gender identity is still greatly in effect). These relatively unchallenged notions of gender identity (specifically in young boys and girls) often lead to modes of repression (as well as suppression) and imposed limitations without much explanation, rhyme or reason (end product of this is likely pro wrestling and Paris Hilton).

I am confident that you readers out there are holding on to some strong opinions that just want to be liberated right here on the page. Is gender largely a construct or is it simply a biological fact? Are “Pop’s” parents visionaries or misguided loons? As a society, are we reinforcing gender stereotypes in an effort to simplify matters for our children or ourselves? Lots of questions here. Feel free to ask more or attempt to answer.

Eric Steinman is a freelance writer based in Rhinebeck, N.Y. He regularly writes about food, music, art, architecture and culture and is a regular contributor to Bon Appétit among other publications.

By Eric Steinman

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Harry T.

3:26PM PDT on Jun 16, 2011

children do not think in colors!!!
childrensland is wonderland and wonderland is lost in adults!!!

send a green star

Jaclyn S.

1:48PM PDT on May 28, 2011

And now we have Storm...

I don't altogether understand why, if these parents are following their innermost truths, there is a need for publicity.

Sigh.

Melissah C.

1:20AM PDT on Sep 18, 2010

thanks

Diana R.

2:05PM PDT on Sep 16, 2010

I was a tomboy and my favorite toys were my Star Wars figures and my brother's Transformers. I still had Barbies, but they were often found naked in very compromising positions, and they had complex relationships (I had several gay dolls, I don't really know why I chose them to be that way, but they were in my head). My parents never bothered either of us with what toys we should play with. We were free to be and believe whatever we wanted to believe and form whatever conclusions about the world we chose.

I'm very glad for that.

Lynn H.

10:35AM PDT on Sep 16, 2010

"While gender is a biological fact (some in the transgender community would likely argue this point) and not a social or artificial construct"

This statement is false and the more people who know that, the better. Actually, sex is a biological fact (sometimes disputed, but usually only in specific cases) and gender *is* a social/artificial construct. To quote the World Health Organization:

" "Sex" refers to the biological and physiological characteristics that define men and women.

"Gender" refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for men and women. "

Barb E.

8:45AM PDT on Sep 16, 2010

Interesting article, but I think it's possible to be open to a child's own personality, gender without going as far as Pop's parents. It is so normal for boys to play with girly things and vice versa. Let them explore by themselves, don't force it on them.

Re S.

11:35AM PDT on Jul 10, 2010

The fact that Pop may be teased is the fault of society, not the parents.

Ellinor S.

1:44PM PDT on Apr 19, 2010

The kid is going to be severely harassed by others.

Dianne Lynn E.

9:28AM PDT on Apr 19, 2010

interesting article,thanx

Mari '.

6:03AM PDT on Apr 19, 2010

And the Truth Shall set you free...

We are all connected;

To each other, biologically

To the earth, chemically

To the rest of the universe atomically

http://www.symphonyofscience.com