It doesn’t matter what question people ask, my answer is always the same… you.
You are the problem. This is not because I think you make all of the trouble in your life. It’s because it doesn’t matter who made it… you are the only one who can choose something different for you. The reality of the situation is that if you hire me (or anyone else, for that matter) to support you with your crisis, I am not coaching your jerk of a boss, or your childish spouse, or your completely out-of-their-mind teenager. I am your coach and I can only help you.
I can help you deal with them, but it’s about you, not them. Always.
You are the problem. Luckily… you are also the answer.
People hire me for what may look like a variety of reasons – to lose weight, stop smoking, professional transition, relationship drama/trauma, make more money, feel more sane, etc. Once we start coaching I find that most fall firmly into one of three groups that I continue to see over and over out here, in the real world:
1. The Lost – This woman once had a glimpse of herself, even if only fleeting, but life – children, spouse, work – came and her “truth” gradually slipped away from her. Perhaps she had a period of time or at least a moment, let’s say in college, where she was on stage or in the lab or completing some big project, and she thought, “Yes! I’ve got it! This is what I was made to do! This is what I love! This is who I am.” She was once connected with her true self, but she got Lost. Our work together helps her reconnect with her power, her dreams, her creativity, her passion…and begin living in alignment with that truth.
2. The Overwhelmed – This woman never found herself to begin with. She anchors her identity on the people and things and activities around her. Striving for “success” means “doing” enough; the people around her are “happy” enough; and she is “good” enough. In reality, there is never “enough” on the outside for her to actually feel fulfilled on the inside. She ends up trying to do her best, instead of being her best self. I can help her to first discover herself, her purpose and passions, and then begin moving her daily life into alignment with that truth.
3. The Invisible – These are some of the most powerful women I encounter. They are so powerful, in fact, that they often didn’t fit in as children (in their families or their communities), and they mastered the “art” of invisibility in order to survive. They were often victims of verbal and physical abuse by their peers and in many cases, their caregivers at home. As adults, they are stuck in their invisibility, and it tortures them. They know they are here to do something extraordinary but never had the support to actually do it. It’s as if no one ever recognized who they really are. Our work helps them remember the truth about their power, and allows them to truly “show up” in their own lives, maybe for the first time.
Regardless of what brings someone into my business, my job is support them in finding themselves. More importantly… regardless what brings you here – to this moment, where you’ve made it all the way to the bottom of this piece – your job is to find you. Then, you can use that priceless information to improve the results you’re getting from the actions you’re taking every single day.
While it is completely your responsibility to find a solution to what sucks in your life, I’m not saying you have to do it alone. I mean, you can’t swing a stick in the virtual world without hitting 100 coaches therapists, trainers, healers, teachers, etc., ready to do with you whatever needs to be done. Not proof enough? Go visit the “self-help” section of the used book store. Clearly, we all have an opinion about how you can take back your life.
Just don’t trust anyone who says that they can fix you, because they are not the problem… you are, still.
You. You. You. The great news is that if you are the problem and you are the solution, you don’t have to wait for anyone else to make your life a better place for you to inhabit. Do what needs to be done. Get what you need to make the changes you want to make in your life.
Every single time, the answer is you. So, what’s your question?
Photo credit: iamtheo via flickr