In our culture “good sex” is usually defined in terms of technique and performance. We overlook that sex is a creative act, which doesn’t need to be critiqued or evaluated.
Sex is creative when it produces a new feeling, insight, or experience. In this exercise some of these possibilities are explored. Look at the following list of experiences. Put a check by any you have had at least once during sex. These are suggestive phrases, to be interpreted as you wish–your own perception of bliss, carefreeness, playfulness, and so on is all you need to go by.
Delighted laughter; sense of timelessness; ecstasy; warm flow in the heart; merging with partner; floating sensation, as if the body disappears; warmth or visible light flowing up the spine; loss of ego; carefreeness; playfulness; nonattachment to your performance; complete letting go; expansion; sense of wholeness, safety, belonging; blessings; bliss; acute awareness of self or surroundings; unbounded love; contentment; peace in the center of your heart.
Now look back over your answers; the experiences you have checked indicate your spiritual horizon. That is, you have learned to use sexual energy to create these experiences.
If you have some only once, these are the envelope of your inner growth. The experiences you have had more than once, especially if recently, indicate the growth you have already integrated into your loving personality.
Go back over the list and mark experiences you haven’t had but think could happen next. These are your spiritual goals. Your desire for them is enough to bring them about; on your inner landscape you are already working toward them.
With spiritual growth comes new creative potential–which can take the form of sexual expression–leading to the realization that you are pure potential, able to fulfill any creative impulse.
Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).