Tuesday July 28, 2009, 12:54 pm
A news release landed on my desk recently with this startling headline: “ ‘I’m too sexy,’ says majority of American men in global male beauty survey.’’

According to a recent survey of men in 12 countries, nearly 60 percent of American males consider themselves sexy. The other 40 percent must have mirrors.

Forgive my cynicism, but even the majority of French men in the survey said they didn’t consider themselves sexy, and as everyone knows, the French think they invented sex.

This got me to thinking about the difference in self-images between men and women. I wish the survey had asked women the same question; I can guarantee the percentage who think they’re sexy would be much lower than for the men. There’s a cartoon that portrays this gender divide perfectly. The first panel shows a fit, attractive woman looking into a mirror. Staring back at her is an overweight frump. The second panel shows a fat, disheveled man looking into a mirror. Staring back at him is Mr. America.

There you have it. Women think less of their looks than men do. And they think about it more often. Men don’t judge themselves nearly as much by their looks. Has a man ever lived who has asked The Question: Do these pants make my butt (or belly) look big?

I was thinking about this American male-as-sex-symbol when my friend Laura told me about her recent experience with an online dating service. Laura is in her 40s, divorced, attractive, bright, and successful. The men who have answered her ad range from the scary to the really scary.

One respondent, a guy with a beer gut and white hair, is slouched on a chair, legs wide apart, wearing shorts and no shirt. That’s too much information right there: What woman wants to date someone who has bigger breasts than she does? But there’s more: He only wants women who have “pretty faces, gorgeous legs and straight teeth.’’ As a bonus, he adds: “I can be an [bleep] sometimes.’’

It compels the question: What planet does he live on?

He’s hardly alone. The majority of men in the age group Laura requested (45 to 55) describe their body type as “athletic’’ and “toned,’’ including a man who said he’s 5-feet-9 and weighs 260 pounds. No woman that size would describe herself as athletic and toned - and certainly no man would describe her that way, either.

The problem is, there are so many more women online looking than men that it’s a buyer’s market, and the guys know it.

My father-in-law used to grab the excess fat from around his wife’s waist and make some sarcastic comment - in front of other people. Here’s the rub: His bay window was bigger than her waistline any day. The marriage eventually broke up, and he later passed away (which is why I can write this).

Back to my friend Laura, whose search for love - or even a cup of coffee - continues. One 49-year-old respondent boasts on his site: “I have the butt of a 17-year-old.’’ As the mother of a 17-year-old boy, I highly doubt this claim.

“They’re looking for something way better than themselves,’’ says Laura. “They want us to be perfect, but they’re not perfect. These guys have no clue.’’ (Many of them apparently don’t have spell-check either: One said he is “layed back,’’ another wants a woman “with a bit of sarchasm’’ and a fun “additude.’’)

Laura says she thinks women are more realistic about their own flaws and more forgiving of others’. “I wouldn’t contact someone out of my league,’’ Laura says. “But then I see these overweight guys who say, ‘I only date skinny women.’ ’’ She also gets e-mails from guys who are decades older, who could be her father or grandfather.

“Do they actually think we look good together?’’ she wonders.

Hollywood sure does, pairing up old farts such as Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood, and Jack Nicholson with much younger women, while actresses such as Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, and Goldie Hawn are relegated to playing mothers - and grandmothers.

But back to the survey. More than one-third of American women said that good hygiene was necessary before a man could be considered handsome. The men disagreed. The most important element, they said, was “a man who carries himself with confidence.’’

Doubtless the 49-year-old with the butt of a 17-year-old would agree.

Wednesday July 29, 2009, 1:15 pm
hee Hee... 100% of women think their cool and sexy... the men have not asked our opinion, we are to decided whats hot and what's not....