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Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To **ONION NEWS**


Offbeat  (tags: americans, bizarre, funny, humor, society )

Kit
- 959 days ago - theonion.com
IMPERIAL CITY, PLANET ZARKLOM 12--Frustrated by "the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind" in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own intergalactic forces



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Kit B. (276)
Wednesday March 14, 2012, 6:44 pm

IMPERIAL CITY, PLANET ZARKLOM 12—Frustrated by "the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind" in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own intergalactic forces from 3 million light years away to end the senseless bloodshed.

From his floating palace within his gaseous planet's swirling clouds of blue-green ammonia, Supreme Emperor and Dynastic Overlord Thuu'l told reporters that while the human race appeared willing to sit idly by, the planet of Zarklom 12 could no longer turn a blind eye to the mounting casualties in the yearlong uprising against President Bashar al-Assad.

"We have monitored the ongoing violence in the region of your world known as Syria, and we find ourselves as disgusted by your reluctance to stop it as we are horrified by the deaths themselves," said Thuu'l, an oily, amoeba-like creature who held in his pseudopod a U.N. report indicating al-Assad's forces have killed more than 7,500 civilians. "It's unbearable to watch even from the far end of the Triangulum Galaxy, and yet you who dwell upon the same planet continue to tolerate it. How is that possible?"
***
Onion News Network

Please read on....
 

Yvonne White (232)
Wednesday March 14, 2012, 8:26 pm
Well, you shouldn't need to remind people this is satire - obviously NO ONE cares about Africa!:(
 

Kit B. (276)
Wednesday March 14, 2012, 8:29 pm

Well Yvonne at least some one (thing) out there cares. They're here...
 

Kit B. (276)
Wednesday March 14, 2012, 8:31 pm

Technically I think it's more appropriate for today's maps to call it the middle-east, though once was considered part of Africa.
 

Terry King (109)
Wednesday March 14, 2012, 9:44 pm
There are no benevelent aliens. If there were, they would have probed Rush by now!
 

KS Goh (0)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 5:51 am
Thanks for the article.
 

Past Member (0)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 6:22 am
silence is acceptance but let libya be a crystal ball of escalated blood shed. we must stop the weapons that feed the monster and seize money that prolongs the ability to pay for the oppression..
life has value beyond measure
Peace and Love
 

Past Member (0)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 6:49 am
Aliens ? the UK is full of them
 

Cynthia Davis (340)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 8:46 am
You would be surprised how many people think onion news is real...most are Republican.
 

Rosie Lopez (73)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 12:55 pm
ty
 

Ruth P. (10)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 1:06 pm
I do like the Onion.
 

Teresa Cowley (274)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 2:12 pm
OK--this is different!!
Seriously though, I wish someone would come to the aid of Syria!!
 

Sue Matheson (72)
Thursday March 15, 2012, 7:00 pm
ha!
 
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