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What If Jesus Had Been A Republican?

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, children, Christianity, culture, dishonesty, education, ethics, family, gayrights, government, politics, religion, rights, society, world )

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"It is a powerful reminder both of how far sections of the Christian world have strayed from the teachings of Jesus, and also a reminder of the tens of millions of Catholics who are deeply dedicated to social justice, peace, generosity and love, --

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Joe R (190)
Monday August 27, 2012, 7:55 am

Kit B (276)
Monday August 27, 2012, 7:57 am

Editor's Note: This was sent to Tikkun on email from Cath News and a column called "The Not-So-Social-Gospel." It is a powerful reminder both of how far sections of the Christian world have strayed from the teachings of Jesus, and also a reminder of the tens of millions of Catholics who are deeply dedicated to social justice, peace, generosity and love (even though unfortunately they are stuck in a church whose leadership is more interested in demonizing gays and abortions and attacking American Nuns who take Jesus' teachings seriously than in carrying on the progressive elements in Jesus' gospel). It saddens us at Tikkun to see how twisted that Church leadership has become, just as we have been saddened by how twisted the Jewish leadership has become to give blind support to the oppressive policies of Israel toward Palestinians, and reminds us to once again invite all Christians who do feel connected to the social justice, peace and love oriented Jesus to join our INTERFATIH Network of Spiritual Progressives at so that we can work together to amplify these voices and provide comfort and support to those who are being "dissed" in their own religious communities for taking seriously the highest teachings of their God.--Rabbi Michael Lerner Editor, Tikkun magazine and Chair, the interfaith Network of Spiritual Progressives.

The Lazy Paralytic

1. When Jesus returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at his home.

2. So many gathered around that there was no longer room for them, not even in front of the door; and he was speaking the word to them.

3. Then some people came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them.

4. And when they could not bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him; and after having dug through it, they let down the mat on which the paralytic lay.

5. When Jesus saw this he grew angry, “Why did you wreck my roof? Do you have any idea how much that cost to install? Do you know how many tables and chairs I had to make in my carpentry shop to pay for that roof? The reeds alone cost five talents. I had them carted in from Bethany.”

6. The disciples had never seen Jesus so angry about his possessions. He continued, “This house is my life. And the roof is the best part.” The disciples fell silent.

7. “It’s bad enough that you trash my private property, now you want me to heal you?” said Jesus, “And did you not see the stone walls around this house?” “Yes,” said the man’s friends. “Are these not the stone walls common to the towns and villages of Galilee?”

8. “No,” Jesus answered. “This is a gated community. How did you get in?” The man’s friends grew silent.

9. Then Jesus turned and said to the paralytic, “Besides, can’t you take care of your own health problems? I’m sure that your family can care for you, or maybe the synagogue can help out.”

10. “No, Lord,” answered the man’s friends. “There is no one. His injuries are too severe. To whom else can we go?”

11. “Well, not me,” said Jesus. “What would happen if I provided access to free health care for everyone? That would mean that people would not only get lazy and entitled, but they would take advantage of the system.

12. Besides, look at me: I’m healthy. And you know why? Because I worked hard for my money, and took care of myself.” The paralyzed man then grew sad and he addressed Jesus. “But I did work, Lord,” said the paralytic. “Until an accident rendered me paralyzed.” “Yes,” said the man’s friends. “He worked very hard.”

13. “Well,” said Jesus, “That’s just part of life, isn’t it?” “Then what am I to do, Lord?” said the paralytic. “I don’t know. Why don’t you sell your mat?”

14. All in the crowd then grew sad. “Actually, you know what you can do?” said Jesus. “You can reimburse me for my roof. Or I’ll sue you.” And all were amazed.

15. “We have never seen anything like this,” said the crowd.
Continue reading at Visit Site. Two very good petitions on this site.

This story was republished from Tikkun. | Alternet |


Phillipa W (199)
Monday August 27, 2012, 8:45 am
I'm no Christian, and I'm not sure if Jesus ever existed as a man, but I have read the Bible. The general gist of it would make hippies the closest contemporaries of Christians. NOT conservatives. The New Testament was revolutionary - the revolution was against conservatives.

Kit B (276)
Monday August 27, 2012, 9:47 am

I submitted this as a pause for thought. I don't condemn the conservatives their choice of political views, it is their right. I do however, have strong feelings about using any religion as the pretense for policy or political affiliation. Religion most certainly has it's place in many American lives, just not in the political arena.

At this point I could use many quotes taken from the founding fathers, quotes taken out of context tend to lose their meaning. Those who have not read history, have not read the autobiographies and biographies of these men, and women that established an idea of how a country could best serve the needs of the people were unique and still stand as the ideal of freedom and independence to be the best one can be. That was based on science and intelligent thought of the day. Today, we have greater access and understanding of our world from science and those well versed on both the theories and facts of our day.

Religion belongs in the heart of each person, not in a legislative body.

I recently watched a documentary about the CIA - one comment from a retired CIA agent should give any one pause for thought. On any given day, without prior notice the CIA can and does, give polygraph tests, inspects in detail the finances and back ground to include family of each agent. Should one tenth of this scrutiny be applied to our elected officials, most would suddenly be out of a job and many in prison. Yet, these same people profess their religion and sound moral beliefs as an issue of distraction from the single task they were elected to perform.

Gene J (290)
Monday August 27, 2012, 11:39 am
"Jesus answered, “It is written: There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

And this poor fellow misquoted it. It is actually TANSTAAFL, and it is Robert Heinlein's book, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. :^) I happen to know this because I discovered Robert in my teens and have read everything he ever wrote, so many times that I have much of it committed to memory, lol. The Moon is a wonderful book. The premise is Earth has no room for its prisoners and so establishes a penal colony on the Moon, the problem is once you have been there a few years, forget how many, your body has acclimated to 1/6th G and can no longer tolerate Earth's gravity, so virtually every sentence is a life sentence. And for those who serve their time but can't return to Earth, well, they have families, free born "loonies", who are not and never were criminals, but all provisions, air, water are controlled by the Warden, the Earth authority (who rotate often enough so as to never become permanent residents) at exorbitant prices, resulting in an oppressed majority with no leverage against the government of Earth who regard them as whiners. Does any of this sound familiar yet?

Anyway, I won't ruin the story for you, but there is a revolution, and the protagonist, a clear headed if somewhat cynical man, describes the lunacy of their constitutional convention. Part of this has stuck with me forever. And it is relevant to what is happening today in American politics, indeed, around the world. The "language" of the moon is a polyglot of earth languages, each ethnic group contributing something. Anyway, Mannie describes a portion of the convention thusly: It is NEVER someone wanting a law passed to prevent themselves from engaging in some behavior that is harmful to themselves, nyet, it is always their NEIGHBOR whose behavior they wanted to control.

Now is that US, Earth, or what? The only book I have which makes me cry on the last page every time I've ever read it. Some might be familiar with Robert's Stranger in a Strange Land, a sort of 60's testimonial in which he takes on organized religion in his own inimitable and wonderful way. The man was a wonderful writer and in my opinion flat out prescient in much of what he wrote. As was Isaac Asimov, the only two sci fi writer's I have read, both are well worth your time. Tanstaafl. :^)

Yvonne White (229)
Monday August 27, 2012, 12:48 pm
What If Jesus Had Been A Republican? - then we would have Sharia Law..otherwise known as the RepubliCON Platform..:(

Yvonne White (229)
Monday August 27, 2012, 12:52 pm
Hey Gene, love your reading preferences!:) Heinlein & Assimov are gods!;) No offence to my goddess..;)

Kit B (276)
Monday August 27, 2012, 12:56 pm

None taken my dear Empress of the World. Though as usual I would add at least one more name to that list, he might have been off by a couple of years but "1984" by George Orwell should be mandatory reading.

Gene J (290)
Monday August 27, 2012, 4:05 pm
Agreed, Kit, and Yvonne. I read that one a long time ago, about the same time I read Fahrenheit 451 by Rad Bradbury, both not far off what see in some countries now, and could here if the reich wing has its way with us. Robert was a tremendous influence on me in my coming of age years, loved his early pulp stuff too, Podkayne of Mars and all that brought him to where he ended, amazing growth to watch and I waited as eagerly for each of his books as an author in my life, I came to Isaac later, but loved him as much, as he'd tell you himself (from his little blurb) and the Foundation series is just magnificent as are the Robot novels. We'd be better off with either of them running things though neither would have nor would their protagonists, in particular Lazarus Long. :^)

Past Member (0)
Monday August 27, 2012, 5:00 pm

Yvonne White (229)
Monday August 27, 2012, 6:41 pm
Right on Kit & Gene! I have the Foundation Trilogy & A Heinlen Trio..but my oldest took my copy of 1984.. The best Recent Science Fiction/Fantasy writer in my opinion is Sir Terry Pratchett, his Disc World novels are hilarious & include subtle (or not so subtle) political humor.

Giana Peranio-paz (398)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 1:56 am

Kip Mapes (28)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 2:07 am
Enjoyed the artical."What if"

paul m (93)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 3:34 am

I don't think many people would belive in God ,,,

P A (117)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 3:54 am
Gene - "Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" - most true and another of Heinlein's sayings! Glad you all love Heinlein's books too!

Kit that parody made me laugh and cry - horrible to think of! But do you think that if the Repuglicons ever read the Gospels that that is what they would see instead of what is there? They are soooo blinded by Self and Greed it is frightening.

And to answer the question - if Jesus had been a Republican.... evil would have won.

pam w (139)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 7:11 am
If Jesus were a Republican, they'd shut him out of the convention, that's for sure!

Kit B (276)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 11:56 am

I have read the bible - I will not bore any one with all the details but I may well know the bible better than most who pretend to be preachers of "the word". My choices for life have led me to different ways of thinking, yet, the message of kindness, love and brotherhood/sisterhood are the essential messages within the New Testament. The bible does not condemn much that is contributed to it as a source, and what it does condemn it does so without regard to human nature.

In today's world the man called Jesus or anyone who dares to speak to the message of love and acceptance of all of humanity will quickly be condemned.

Yvonne White (229)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 1:03 pm
Well of course, Kit.."love and acceptance of all of humanity" is Communism!;) Surely Jesus didn't MEAN that!;)

Kit B (276)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 1:15 pm

And.....Communism is a Utopian ideal world. Didn't Jesus preach to an ideal world? It can labeled as anything but to ask human beings to accept one another just as they are is probably asking WAY too much.

Beth M (138)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 2:54 pm
I liked it!

Elle B (84)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 2:56 pm
The Miracles Republican - Pay-to-pray & pay-to-play all the way...on earth as it is in GOP heaven!

Miracle Care provided under full coverage policies for only those who hath "no pre-existing conditions!" Spontaneous healing of the incurably ill and emergency recessitations. . .excluded.

No open bars at Miraculous Wine wedding feasts. [self-service water available from lakes, rivers and streams...road and water useage fees apply...drink and/or turn to wine at your own risk.]

It was said in those days to the vast multitudes...Money is the only truth that may ever must leave and go away now if you have come with empty pockets. And the ones who did stay sang "Heaven hear our faithful coins jingle oh how they do help us mingle!" Then a disciple in the crowd was heard saying to those with empty pockets: Shoo Flies...don't bother us...what are you waiting for...a miracle?

Road Traveler ID's please: the King's head must be upon all hands across the lands! Official tattoo stamping available only at Kingdom Castles. All subjects must go forth during weekday daylight hours--officially sealed documents and entrance fees required. [Limited government and spending cut decrees do not allow funding for local outpost offices.]

Republican Reign: it was proclaimed "no taxes" would fall upon the Faithful Friends. . .[small print upon decree--unannounced increases and work with little or no pay will be required from all other subjects as rulers see fit or the FF royal coffers dwindle]

And...there would be no "dove descending from heaven" in the wilderness. . .for John had pebbled Jesus down before he met the river's edge. . .saying i did thinketh he was a bird in the bush!

Robert O (12)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 7:20 pm
Something to really think about. Thanks Kit.


Beth S (330)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 9:24 pm
Jesus put some firm boundaries on behavior. He preached a number of things that would sound alien to those who either never read the bible, who thought it was all lovely dovey without thought to consequence to bad acts. Maybe Jesus was a Republican after all.

Kit B (276)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 9:28 pm

After that statement, I know he could not have been. Try really reading the bible, you just might find some concern and love for humanity! Lovey-dovey - what a twit! Oops! Your ignorance is showing, again!

pam w (139)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 9:50 pm
I liked the part where he told those who pray to do it in their closets...out of sight.

And we ALL know his many speeches against homosexuals.....right?


And how about all those words about supporting the rich and ignoring the poor?


P A (117)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 10:34 pm
The early Christians held everything in common (see the lesser read books of the NT - Kit will know which!) - they were, as so rightly noted above, communists, true communists - indeed there is the cautionary tale of a couple who kept some of their possessions back - and were struck down on the spot as a result. Bet the Repuglicons never read that part of the Bible - they do seem strangely attached to the Old Testament....

Yvonne White (229)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 11:04 pm
LOL Elle!:) Right on Pam, Kit & Patricia! It is amazing to me that the same RepubliCONs who would not allow Jews in their Country Clubs love that Old Testament fire & brimstone, eye for an eye's like they don't know Jesus was a Heretic!;) But he Could Never Be a RepubliCON!

Yvonne White (229)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 11:12 pm
"Maybe Jesus was a Republican after all." Uhm, is that because he advocated cannibalism? That bit about eating his flesh & drinking his blood? Because that actually Does sound pretty RepubliCON to me..;)

Past Member (0)
Tuesday August 28, 2012, 11:35 pm
Jesus Christ—who, as it turns out, was born of a virgin, cheated death, and rose bodily into the heavens—can now be eaten in the form of a cracker ??

Elle B (84)
Wednesday August 29, 2012, 12:02 am
Jesus would probably spend as much time as as he possibly could in what is left of the wilderness he sought solace in so often before. And if he was in America it is most likely he would find the 1st Nations and other peoples of true heart to share in genuine life on earth. Perhaps he would journey into Republican Territory if it was time to visit those with the lost and missing souls. . .to introduce himself. . .

And yes. . .i have read the Bible. . . more than one version more than one time. And studied it from the age of 4. As an adult i have taken upper level university classes on religion and have been to different churches. Some are full of good will, caring and spirit and others are full of dogma and doctrine of their own making. i once attended an Evangelical Church where the Pastor would intentionally answer questions from the congregation inaccurately. So i made an appointment and asked him if the clergy in that denomination studied the history of the documents and translations of the Bible. He bristled and said of course they do. So i asked then why would he not answer questions accurately. He changed demeanor and told me sincerely-- "because the people would lose their faith." That is verbatim. i told him that was so misleading and manipulative...not teaching nor providing true information...he said they disagreed because it was just too hard for people to understand. [That's how you get millions believing 5,000 year old human existence malarkey.] i was deeply saddened and told him that what their denomination is doing has NOTHING TO DO with Jesus Story. NO person and NO group owns Jesus story and those who think they do or think they are the chosen onlys . . . know the way he showed through his living. . . the very least. . .

Note: I've never met a single person who thought Jesus or the Bible was "lovey-dovey" not anywhere at anytime. . .yet

Gene J (290)
Wednesday August 29, 2012, 7:12 am
Patricia? "Gene - "Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" - most true and another of Heinlein's sayings! Glad you all love Heinlein's books too!' From the sayings of Lazarus Long in I believe Time Enough for Love, that book is full of wonderful pithy little sayings that have the ring of absolute truth to them. Unfortunately, our well read politicians avoid anything that smacks of truth to them, apart from the bible which is the most insane series of contradictions I have ever read. Got a very funny thing that circulates the Internet periodically about Leviticus. Found and reproduced here:

These are questions for anyone who claims to believe the laws of the OT are applicable today:

Is homosexuality an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and not to be condoned under any circumstances? However, there are questions regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When a bull is burned on the altar as a sacrifice, it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). My neighbors do not agree that the odor is pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

If I wish to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

If a man is allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24), how can he tell? Why should a woman take offense at the question?

Lev. 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. Hou should they die?

I know from Lev. ll:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)

Those of you who have studied these things extensively, should be able to offer answers. Thanks for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
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