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End of World Means Most Amazing Home Page Ever, Says Google -- Andy Borowitz


Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, entertainment, fastasy, fun, humor, society )

Kit
- 739 days ago - newyorker.com
"People are freaking out about the world coming to an end--I totally get that," said the Google C.E.O. Larry Page in a conference call with reporters. "But at Google we view the Apocalypse as a unique opportunity.



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Comments

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday December 18, 2012, 8:15 pm
(Photo Credit: Photograph by Steven Puetzer/Corbis)


While billions around the world await the Mayan Apocalypse this Friday with increasing dread, there is palpable excitement about it at the headquarters of Google, Inc., which is preparing what its C.E.O. is calling “our most awesome Google Doodle ever.”

“People are freaking out about the world coming to an end—I totally get that,” said the Google C.E.O. Larry Page in a conference call with reporters. “But at Google we view the Apocalypse as a unique opportunity. This company was founded with the goal to ‘organize the world’s information’ and we see the next three days as our chance to get that done.”

As for the marching orders that Page gave to Google’s team of designers: “The world is going to be destroyed and mankind will cease to exist. Make Google the last page they see, and give us one last chance to serve them tracking cookies.”

With the ancient Mayan prophets predicting that on Friday the earth will crash into a comet, collide with the planet Nibiru, or burn to a crisp in a mammoth solar storm, “our designers have had a lot of cool stuff to work with,” Mr. Page said.

Mr. Page said that a buzz-worthy home page is crucial to what he sees as Google’s final mission on Earth: “We want to communicate to billions of people that this is the last day of human history, so maybe they should finally sign up for Google Plus.”

When reminded that the end of the world would mean the end of Google, too, Mr. Page was philosophical: “As long as it also means the end of Apple and Microsoft, I’m fine with that.”
*****Humor****


by: Andy Borowitz, The Borowitz Report | The New Yorker Magazine |
.
 

Sandra M Z. (114)
Tuesday December 18, 2012, 10:08 pm
Check off that bucket list...............

Thank you Kit.
 

Barbara K. (70)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 9:48 am
Hmmm, said Update in Progress. Thanks, my friend.
 

Angelika R. (144)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 10:33 am
A smart and cool reply there from Mr Page.. and, as Barbara stated: Update in Progress, the New Yorker went to hibernate...failed to lazily initialize a collection of role :-))
 

Tamara Noforwardsplz (185)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 10:36 am
Liked the Mr. Page comment but as the ladies above have stated, Update in Progress.
 

Kit B. (276)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 10:50 am

Pesky Mayans - what if, they are wrong? Just sayin' that sure would ruin a lot of plans for Thursday night "End of the World" celebrations. Andy can make any thing funny.
 

Pat B. (355)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 11:42 am
Darn it.!!! I had plans for the weekend too...!!!! ;-)
 

Michael Carney (212)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 12:12 pm
Well, if it does happen, it'll happen so fast we won't even feel it...Just would like to say, just in case it really does happen, it was nice to know you all...lol
 

Joanne Dixon (40)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 2:11 pm
I love Google Doodles and can't wait to see this one! :-)
 

pam w. (191)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 4:40 pm
Andy is SO clever!
 

Bruno Moreira (61)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 5:54 pm
noted
 

Craig Pittman (47)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 6:17 pm
Thank you for the chuckle Kit. Personally I'd be really ticked if the world did end on that day after having spend $2.75 earlier this on a daytimer than runs past that date. End of the world - gotta love it.
 

Jelica R. (144)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 7:01 pm
World is ending, what now? As a wise man said: "go shopping".
 

Kit B. (276)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 7:11 pm

If shopping is the answer then those Mayans were very wise to predicate the end of the world during the peak shopping season.
 

Jessica S. (122)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 7:23 pm
Haha can't wait to see Google tomorrow!
 

Holly Medic (0)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 7:40 pm
Can't wait, I Love Google Doodles!
 

Lydia w. (163)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 7:52 pm
See even at the end Google is there for us !
Very nice post , thanks
 

Janice P. (5)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 8:11 pm
But do we know what time on Dec. 21st the world is going to end? I want to know if I have time to get my hair and nails done. :)
 

Betsy Bee (1038)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 8:25 pm
The world absolutely will not end until I have a green chili tamale at a cantina in Sonora. Because that is my destiny. So to all, and especially, Miss Kitty, I say "Happy New Year".
 

D D. (102)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 8:43 pm
Google always has some great doodles.....can't wait to see this one!
 

Michael Carney (212)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 8:52 pm
Thanks for the Star, Dee...
 

Shawna S. (44)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 10:23 pm
Most amazing home page maybe...but even more amazing the whole world in a dot!! Check out the video link below...and for the purposes of my point in posting it, watch from 3:44 - 4:50. Enjoy!! and Merry Christmas!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8LXLZAq2sU
 

Maureen C. (3)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 10:26 pm
So, to anyone who's done their Christmas shopping already-- nah, nah! I'm going to wait.
 

Ros G. (84)
Wednesday December 19, 2012, 11:20 pm
Many thanks Kit. For those following this story - Give a thought to your friends Downunder (OZ&NZ) 6.30pm here 20/12/12 now. The clock is ticking...................nothing stops me from getting a good nights sleep.
 

Susanne R. (249)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 1:47 am
The world ended for so many people on the morning of December 16, 2012. Maybe the Mayans were just off by a week and got the method for the madness wrong. I don't take such predictions seriously, but if the apocalypse did occur, before I met my Maker, I'd like to see all the gun nuts trying to ward off the impending disaster with their high-powered assault weapons. Maybe that's the real reason the crazies are out stocking up on their guns and ammo this week! And the arms manufacturers are laughing all the way to the bank...
 

Jelica R. (144)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 3:03 am
There is the prophecy from 1979:

Enjoy yourself, it's latter than you think
 

Kerrie G. (135)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 7:19 am
Noted, thanks.
 

Past Member (0)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 12:26 pm
Can't wait! :)
 

Tom Edgar (56)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 1:41 pm
Look on the bright side No Facebook.
 

Tom Edgar (56)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 1:43 pm
It is Friday already out here in OZ. So far not even raining.
 

Yvonne White (233)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 1:57 pm
LOL! Gonna party like it's 1999!;) But it is weird out today, started almost warm (55F) and windy as hell, but by 1 pm. it was snowing & the wind was Ice Cold! It's stayed windy with alternating &/or combined rain, sleet, snow, and even small hail since 1pm.!
 

Christeen Anderson (554)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 3:40 pm
Personally I don't think the world will end this week.
 

Angelika R. (144)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 5:28 pm
Did they say what TIME ZONE? I am waiting.... for ME it's been the 21st for 2,5 hrs already...:// and the New Yorker site is still hibernating... shoot..

and tonight it looks like it is CARE2 approaching the apocalypse... nothing is moving :-//// argh
 

Lydia w. (163)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 8:10 pm
Were the Mayans on Greenwich Mean Time ' Daylight Savings Time ?
We are on the East Coast USA , World has not ended here I did buy cookies just in case !
 

Angelika R. (144)
Thursday December 20, 2012, 8:59 pm
Smart tip to bypass the apocalypse: Fly from Los Angeles to Australia on Thursday night, skipping Friday and landing on Saturday. (from RT) Eat your cookies on the plane, it's a long flight!
 

Past Member (0)
Friday December 21, 2012, 1:39 am
:) @ Angelika
 

Suzanne L. (142)
Friday December 21, 2012, 9:30 am
It's Friday, around 12:30 p.m. So far so good.
 

Ros G. (84)
Friday December 21, 2012, 4:00 pm
Saturday, 11 am, December 22, here in Oz at the moment. Hot and humid just how it normally is for this time of year on the East Coast.
 

Jelica R. (144)
Friday December 21, 2012, 4:02 pm
Here is 1 AM, Saturday. So far, it seems that we survived. But take this with a grain of salt. Because I can not stop myself from thinking that, after all horrors and crises we've been thru and very grim prospects for the future, I would not even notice if the world ends.


 

Ros G. (84)
Friday December 21, 2012, 4:47 pm
Hi Jelica My Dear Friend - we live to fight another day - it's not all bad - The Mayan Cheif who holds the Calendars sent a message out to the World about this day. He said "this time will end, and the new era that is starting will bring together the Collective Consciousness" I think he's right - Palestine now a State, US taking a serious look at itself and it's Gun Laws. The law of nature is restoring the balance - it can't be all bad just the same as it can't be all good. And to think we're all part of that process - makes you proud doesn't it.
 

Jelica R. (144)
Friday December 21, 2012, 8:42 pm
Hello, Australia, it gets better or we get better at handling things. Whatever it may be, here we are...

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak, grunt
No strength the ladder starts to clatter with the fear, fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games with a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of West and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered crop.
Look at that low playing! Fine then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed.
Dummy with the rapture and the reverent in the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light,
Feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
......
 

Julie W. (22)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 2:56 am
Absolutely nothing on my Google home page at all! No pictures.
 

Patricia H. (454)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 8:35 am
noted
 

Edgar Zuim (48)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 11:49 am
The beginning of the end of the world has begun. Global warming, men destroying the planet. If this keeps up, destroying plant and animal life, unbalancing the ecosystem of the planet, the extinction of the human race is not far away. This is really the end of the world.
Increasingly large nations seeking to invest in building weapons of mass destruction instead of using this investment in the welfare of the poorest people, food production, etc.
Is this the world we want for our descendants?
Humanity must wake up, because there's still time to save our beloved Earth.
 

Hayley C. (7)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 12:41 pm
Noted.
 

Ros G. (84)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 1:37 pm
Edgar - all so true - but the majority of people will still keep on voting those Governments in.
 

Antonia Windham (6)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 1:47 pm
Like it, like it.

But, wait - the world didn't end. We wuz lied to....
 

Phil P. (93)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 2:39 pm
Damn , damn, damn, it's Saturday and things are still humming along . Can't rely on anyone to get anything right anymore. Now I've got to pay those SOB bookies.
 

Gloria H. (88)
Saturday December 22, 2012, 3:37 pm
No one woke me up, handed me a shovel, pointed to a pile of coal and a fiery furnace and told me to get to work.
Nor did I wake up finding myself among 40 virgins ( didn't say I was one)....oh must have been someone else's idea of heaven.
So, I guess I didn't die.
 

Wolfgang W. (211)
Sunday December 23, 2012, 2:41 am
Hahaha - it's Sunday and I'm still alive and so are you!
 

Jennifer C. (169)
Sunday December 23, 2012, 3:40 am
Thanks.
 

paul m. (93)
Sunday December 23, 2012, 5:53 am

If I was sure the World would end,, I'd get a credit card ,,,,and spend ,,as if there was no tomorrow,,!!
 

Past Member (0)
Monday December 24, 2012, 4:18 am
Hope I didn't miss it, but afraid that I did.
 

Ro H. (0)
Monday December 24, 2012, 6:52 am
Still standing
 

Julie W. (22)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 1:16 am
This is the third time you have sent this article, but still no interesting images on the Google home page. What was that all about?
 

Klaus Peters (13)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 7:04 am
Do we have another update, the last 2 parties were a great success. 12.12.12. than 21.12.12, now, when can I plan my next bye, bye cruel world party? As for Google, ha, ha, ha............$$$$$$$$$$$$.
 

Robert Hardy (68)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 8:22 am
thank youi.
 

Sergio Padilla (62)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 7:23 pm
Thanks
 

Nimue Pendragon (275)
Wednesday December 26, 2012, 8:03 pm
What a load of hooey.
 

Kit B. (276)
Friday December 28, 2012, 9:55 am

The article was written by a satirist, and yet, some how I did think Google would have a good doodle.
 
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