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Congress Collapses From Exhaustion After Doing Job -- Andy Borowitiz


Offbeat  (tags: americans, Congress, economics, fiscal cliff, funny, humor, news, off-beat, society )

Kit
- 659 days ago - newyorker.com
Hundreds of congressmen complained of headaches, dizzy spells, and extreme fatigue after putting in what sources called "a six, maybe seven-hour day.



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Kit B. (276)
Monday December 31, 2012, 8:31 pm
(Photograph by J. Scott Applewhite/AP.)


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The House of Representatives adjourned this evening after the legislative body collapsed from exhaustion brought on by hours of doing its job.

Hundreds of congressmen complained of headaches, dizzy spells, and extreme fatigue after putting in what sources called “a six, maybe seven-hour day.”

With the nation headed over the fiscal cliff, there was no indication when Congress might reconvene, since many of its members had to be hospitalized after what was described as their near-total physical meltdown.

According to Dr. Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota Medical School, “Being forced to listen, compromise, and act like adults for minutes at a time was more punishing than these people could bear.”

Dr. Logsdon said that the gruelling ordeal of doing their jobs would likely keep members of Congress in the hospital for weeks.

“I don’t see these people getting back to work until February at the earliest,” he said. “And that’s great news for this country. Happy New Year, America.”
*****HUMOR*****

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |
 

Kit B. (276)
Monday December 31, 2012, 8:33 pm

The reason for placing the word HUMOR is to warn the reader that this is satire or humor, and not meant to be taken seriously. Though the discerning reader may find it contains more than a bit of truth.
 

Vicky P. (466)
Monday December 31, 2012, 10:05 pm
haha, perhaps they should do their jobs more often
 

Bob P. (427)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 5:20 am
Thanks
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 7:15 am

Like the president we should be cautiously optimistic here, who knows what the House will do? No one in the Senate is happy with this compromise, which probably means it's good balance and no one gets all of what they want.
 

Past Member (0)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 7:22 am
Probably more truth than fiction here, they don't know what the word "work" means---noted/thank you Kit
 

Nancy M. (201)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 8:45 am
I am sure they are all out pamerping themselves with sauna's and massages...on the federal dime. And getting overtime! LOL
 

Carrie B. (309)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 10:29 am
Sounds pretty accurate Kit. I still say we should pay those fools for the number of days they actually work. We would either save a great deal of money or they would actually start working!
 

Elle B. (82)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 12:16 pm
Ty Kit. . .illusional...delusional thinking yoked with high levels of machination and malversation are particularly draining activities. . .really zaps the life force right out of the bioforms. . .highly recommend that congressional perps knock it off. . .may require some extended rehab stints before they succeed and actually feel better though. . .the usual OTC remedies may not be effective as specialized BS is highly addictive. . .especially when you are used to being paid mega bucks and kudos to perform and act. . .
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 12:46 pm

We are told to look for the silver lining so here is mine - at least they are not paid by the interview, can you imagine how much money that would be?
 

Past Member (0)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 1:02 pm
Oh those poor creatures. We should put them out of their (our) misery.
 

Dotti Lydon (113)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 1:14 pm
Thanks, Kit. Love that Andy Bororwitz.
 

Kevin Lewis (1)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 1:23 pm
Maybe they should choose other jobs that they're better suited for an a shorter day like farming.
 

DORIS L. (61)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 2:13 pm
Euthanasia maybe?
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 2:25 pm

By George, I do believe that Doris has hit on the answer, and kind answer it is.
 

Mary Donnelly (47)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 3:31 pm
Thanks again Kit.
 

Phil P. (93)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 4:05 pm
As with other federal employees, we urge them to early retirement and should provide buy-outs (they're very familiar with those) in order to preserve the health and continued well being of the rest of the Nation.
 

pam w. (191)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 4:57 pm
wonder if they're seeking DOUBLE TIME for holiday work?
 

Phil Hanson (17)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 5:12 pm
Thanks for the laugh, Kit. Borowitz just keeps getting funnier. Sad to say, though, that this one didn't earn you a green star, either. But, hey, some days are like that. Cheers!
 

june t. (66)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 5:12 pm
funny!
 

Yvonne White (232)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 5:24 pm
It's so not funny when these clowns all pile in the same gas-guzzling RV, with their pages & valets, and drive America around in circles hoping we will be so dizzy we won't notice that nothing is "fixed" except the "fight"..:( Screw them all!
 

Helen Porter (40)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 2:06 am
Poor babies......

they had to deal with each other!

 

Kathleen R. (138)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 12:06 pm
read & noted
 

Allan Yorkowita (445)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 2:17 pm
I'm sure it was a scene right out of "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" - except as we know, politicians do not carry guns.
 

Kit B. (276)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 2:24 pm

Ummm...Has anyone told Dick Armey that?
 
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