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Washington Celebrates Solving Totally Unnecessary Crisis They Created -- Andy Borowitz

Offbeat  (tags: americans Congress, bizarre, business, culture, humor, off-beat )

- 1938 days ago -
Official Washington was in celebration mode on New Year's Day after kind of averting a completely unnecessary crisis that was entirely of its own creation.

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Kit B (276)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 1:40 pm
(Photograph: Drew Angerer/Getty)

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Official Washington was in celebration mode on New Year’s Day after kind of averting a completely unnecessary crisis that was entirely of its own creation.

“This deal proves that if we all procrastinate long and hard enough, we can semi-solve any self-inflicted problem at the very last minute in a way that satisfies no one,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky).

But even as Sen. McConnell basked in self-congratulation, he warned Congress against the complacency that could come with having sort of fixed its own completely avoidable mess.

“This is a new year, and much work remains to be done,” he said. “It’s up to us to concoct entirely new optional disasters that we will have to undo at some later date in a more or less half-assed way.”

In a related story, an arsonist received an award for putting out his own fire.

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |


Kit B (276)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 1:43 pm

The lunatics really are running the asylum. And worse yet, people actually voted for these clowns. Let's give them all a red rubber nose, that's far more than they deserve.

This is the Senate is celebrating like it's 1999 and the House? Well they have hang overs to attend to, then at some unknown point in time they may even begin the ugly task of work. Though I wouldn't rush out and place any bets on that.

Karen R (87)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 3:23 pm
You said it, Kit!

Jae A (316)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 3:31 pm
All for show and nothing in the end will come of it as for the betterment of nation and all of the people. That being said :-) are so right Kit !!

Elle B (84)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 3:46 pm
Ty again Kit. . .tying this one in with Andy's other article you recently posted on the miserable perps feeling poorly after putting in a few regular work hours. . .but don't want a single taxpayer dollar budgeted for this. . .so can we get some of those mega million/billionaire private sponsors and their lobbyist buddies to rocket ride the entire GOP et al up to Newt's "Special" Moon Station Project. . .that would help with the deficit by providing some immediate spending cuts on their salaries and benefits alone. . .and climate change would get a boost as well--with significant decreases in CO2 emissions by eliminating their constant massive releases of nothing but HOT AIR. . .

Carrie B (306)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 4:19 pm
And there is the problem of our "do nothing " house, who are still bent on doing nothing. Being confident of maintaining their house majority because of gerrymandering (redistricting), they seem to want to continue on the path of American destruction and infamy. All the while they say they are doing what their voters want because, of course they were reelected. All be it that Dems had more votes, the redistricting gave many of the "do nothing" repulsive republicans in the house another two years. May I be ill now?

JL A (281)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 5:31 pm
And next we'll find that there aren't enough votes in the House for anything because of those who prefer to destroy the country to acknowledging their ideological preferences are smoke and mirrors that also destroys the country....

Kit B (276)
Tuesday January 1, 2013, 9:43 pm

House and Senate have both passed the bill - Obama expected to sign soon. Now our Congress can retire for a long winter's nap. Poor dear things have had to work so hard, bless their little, tiny hearts.

Suzanne L (98)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 6:35 am
"Much work needs to be done". What exactly is so much? TY Kit.

Arielle S (313)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 9:47 am
Very funny but in a rather sad, pathetic way - kind of like when your kids are small and they keep yelling, "look at me, mommy, look at me" as they jump two inches into the air. And you say, "yeah, honey, that was great...."

Theodore Shayne (56)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 5:09 pm
Bang on.

Kit B (276)
Wednesday January 2, 2013, 7:39 pm

I think in the next few days all of us will have read this bill that our dears in DC have passed and wonder just what is it we pay them for? Representing the people? Nope.

In case you do not know all bills can be found at that is through the Library of Congress. You can find any bill being discussed posted and updated at thomas daily.

Nancy M (197)
Thursday January 3, 2013, 1:22 pm
Thanks for that link to bills Kit. I had not known about that.

Past Member (0)
Thursday January 3, 2013, 4:14 pm

Yvonne W (229)
Thursday January 3, 2013, 5:12 pm
It really makes me wonder what drugs these people are on! Do they all throw their meds into a big plastic tub & mix them together in some sort of "bi-bolar-bi-partisan" cocktail of degeneracy (and not the Good kind, like Ellen DeGeneracy..;) ??? Remember when George $r. made Prozac mainstream? It MUST be the D.C. gateway (to hell) drug..and they do have BigPharma "representatives" in CONgre$$..but I shudder to think how many of those old ba$tards tossed in their Viagra - which might explain why women's rights went south & cock fighting amongst the parties went viral..;)

Lois Jordan (63)
Friday January 4, 2013, 3:51 pm
Noted. Thanks, Kit. And, I can't comment any better than Yvonne's wonderful post.
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