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N.R.A. Leader Warns of Rising Cost of Senators -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, HUMOR, politics, society )

- 1816 days ago -
The days are over, he said, when "you could buy a Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) for little more than pocket change." **Humor**

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Kit B (276)
Friday May 3, 2013, 8:06 pm
Photograph by Alex Wong/Getty.

N.R.A. Leader Warns of Rising Cost of Senators

HOUSTON (The Borowitz Report)—National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre used his opening speech at the N.R.A.’s national convention today to highlight several challenges facing the organization, including what he called “the rising cost of Senators.”

“Over the past few years, we’ve seen the price of purchasing a Senator surge astronomically,” he told the N.R.A. faithful. “Unless something is done to make Senators more affordable, the ability of a tiny lobbying group to overrule the wishes of ninety per cent of the American people will be in jeopardy.”

The days are over, he said, when “you could buy a Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) for little more than pocket change.”

“Now it costs thousands to purchase a marginally effective Senator like Kelly Ayotte (R-N.H.),” he said.

Mr. LaPierre was followed at the podium by the former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, the rock musician Ted Nugent, and several other people who would not pass background checks.
*** HUMOR***

by Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |

JL A (281)
Friday May 3, 2013, 8:35 pm
Thanks for my dose of AB Kit!

Kit B (276)
Friday May 3, 2013, 8:37 pm

This was such a welcomed relief after the seeing the insanity of the NRA on the news.

Lynn Squance (235)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 11:29 am
Saw this in my inbox this morning and cracked up! AB is so right on. May AB 'live long and prosper'!

I heard on the news last night that the NRA and 70,000 (?) supporters are whooping it up in Texas, and celebrating that they defeated Mr Obama's gun regulations. Of course the usual meme "POTUS wants to take away our guns" was brought up and of course their stock answers to tragedies like Sandy Hook, "guns make people safer" (that's why a 5 yr old shot and killed his 2 yr old sister with his kid sized 22!) and "Sandy Hook would not have happened had people been armed". IMO, the NRA is a hate and fear mongering organisation that represents gun manufacturers almost exclusively. At no time did I hear the NRA say they bought the votes of the politicians --- afraid to tell their supporters? Politicians need to get their priorities straight --- they work for their constituents, not the NRA.

Kit B (276)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 12:23 pm

Well, once upon a time they worked for the constituents, now they work for the highest bidder.

marie C (163)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 3:50 pm
Notd thank you Kit

Angelika R (143)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 6:35 pm
Not to worry Mr LaPierre, when you hit that predicted 10 million members mark you'll have all senators included, they become cheaper by the years..
Thx Kit

Judy C (97)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 6:53 pm
Lol, Kit! Maybe they should run a blue light special....

I saw a snippet of Sarah Palin going up to the podium, and I thought she really looked like she'd found her calling.

Kit B (276)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 6:56 pm

I'm sure she has, the lady does like to kill with her guns [Sarah Palin]. Basking in the glory of like-minded nuts.

Janice P (5)
Saturday May 4, 2013, 7:38 pm

Gloria p (304)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 5:04 am
It's time for Andy to run for office. Al Franken has lead the charge!

Arielle S (313)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 10:07 am
I can't help it - there is a part of me that wishes some nut case would storm the NRA convention and take out a swath of those gun nuts. Then we, instead of they, could say shrug and say, "oh, just collateral damage".
Btw, my senator was one of the top three receiving NRA donations - he's not running for office again because he can afford to retire now....

Arielle S (313)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 10:23 am
Ooops, got so wrapped up in my aggravation, I forgot to say thanks for the smiles...(actually I don't think these folks mentioned would pass the mental health check either)

Kit B (276)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 10:59 am

Guns have the attention and zealotry once reserved for religion and love of country. It's incredible to me that people have allowed themselves to be so consumed by the love of an inanimate object that they lose all conscience thought of how this affects the overall public safety of the nation.

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 11:53 am
Thanks! I needed this! Ha ha ha! :) Sadly, Blunt in Missouri was on the receiving end of one of the largest donation from the NRA(, and that is all I'm going to say about it, or I'll have to go to the growlery. (n, p, t)

Fred Krohn (34)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 2:27 pm
The NRA, NAGR, SAF, and GOA aren't insane on th news; the anti-gun lobby is. Their interruption of our teaching our kids a legacy of safe gun handling is one of the factors in today's news-bait shooting problem (which isn't even a shooting problem,, it's a news problem!). We should ban gun control entirely and resume teaching our kids that firearms are our responsibility, not the government's!

Lois Jordan (63)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 2:44 pm
Thanks for the laughs, Kit. It is, unfortunately, so true! When guns are packaged as "My First Gun," and sold for children as young as 5 yrs. old, horrendous accidents happen. A child given this weapon as a gift, then shot his 2 yr. old sister and killed her while his mom's back was turned. Did you know there are more regulations on toy guns than real guns?

Birgit W (160)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 3:04 pm

Kit B (276)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 3:56 pm

I read about that, Lois as I'm sure many have. It's deeply disturbing that parents buy guns for children that are too young to grasp the depth of what they can do with those guns.

Robert Tomlinson (62)
Sunday May 5, 2013, 6:44 pm
Kit, thanks for another excellent post.
The NRA leadership is well oiled machine for the gun manufacturers. Whatever some may think it is all about the selling of weapons. Not About Freedom.
Some of the more extreme gun owners have indicated that will try to overthrow the government if gun control is passed. What they don't understand is if they are successful the freedom of speech and Constitutional Law will come to an end. Later, they will be the ones the new govt. will come after.

Past Member (0)
Monday May 6, 2013, 6:51 am
Uh-huh. So now we know it from their own mouths. The NRA are totally corrupt. And contemptable.

Munro Tapper (80)
Wednesday May 8, 2013, 7:46 pm
If anything is amusing about the NRA, it is this article. Good reporting when we need the levity.

Jelica R (144)
Friday May 17, 2013, 6:46 pm
I almost spilled my coffee on "...several other people who would not pass background checks." Hilarious!
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