Start A Petition

Christie Forced Out of G.O.P. Race By Empathy Scandal -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

- 1766 days ago -
"After Hurricane Sandy, Chris Christie worried a lot of us with his recklessly sensitive behavior," says Mr. Klugian. "But we really thought he had put this problem behind him." ****HUMOR **** SATIRE***

Select names from your address book   |   Help

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.


Kit B (276)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 8:27 am
Photograph by Ron Smits/London Ent/Splash News/Corbis.

Christie Forced Out of G.O.P. Race by Empathy Scandal

TRENTON (The Borowitz Report)—New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie withdrew from consideration as a Presidential candidate today after becoming embroiled in what a leading Republican strategist called “a career-ending empathy scandal.”

After signing a law barring licensed therapists from engaging in so-called gay conversion therapy, Mr. Christie stunned his fellow Republicans by seemingly expressing compassion for gay children, thus disqualifying himself from any further role in the G.O.P.

“Showing empathy for gays or children would have been bad enough,” says Republican strategist Harland Dorrinson, one of many party leaders who called for Mr. Christie to withdraw. “But empathy for gay children is a flat-out betrayal.”

In a brief statement to reporters, Mr. Christie expressed remorse for what he called “my unfortunate and ill-considered display of understanding for people different from myself,” and urged the people of New Jersey to remember “my strong record of cutting funds for schools and the elderly.”

While Mr. Christie might try to regain his fellow Republicans’ trust by vetoing more assault-rifle bans, G.O.P. strategist Tracy Klugian says that the governor does not deserve another chance, citing his “dangerous flirtations with compassion” in the past.

“After Hurricane Sandy, Chris Christie worried a lot of us with his recklessly sensitive behavior,” says Mr. Klugian. “But we really thought he had put this problem behind him.”

Mr. Christie’s latest empathy scandal has left Mr. Klugian, like many other Republicans, shaking his head: “It’s sad to see such a promising career end this way. But maybe this will force him to get the help he needs.”
***Humor ***Satire***

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |

Arielle S (313)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 8:58 am
LOL - thank the goddess we have humor left! Keeps us from turning rabid, it does. many thanks for the laughs, Kit!

Nancy M (169)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 9:12 am
Oh, is this humor? I thought it was real.

Joanne Dixon (38)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 11:28 am
Nice to see Andy again, I've missed him.
I encourage anyone with any spare change (living on Social Security, I know how tough that is) to send it to Barbara Buono. If she can get out her message, she can win the governorship. And, as in Virginia, the election is this year.

JL A (281)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 12:26 pm
Thanks for my dose of AB Kit!

Sheila D (194)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 8:09 pm
We can only wish Christie would have an attack of sensitivity towards others, especially those less everyone not part of the elite GOP/TP. Thanks for the laughs, they're always welcome.

Maureen C (4)
Wednesday August 21, 2013, 9:12 pm
I do appreciate Andy Borowitz's humor!

Thanks, Kit.

Lynn S (235)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 12:58 am
From AB's pen to God's ear!

Nancy M (169)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 9:07 am
Wow, posts are not being sent to me despite have clicked the tracking box. Care2 really IS broken today.

Lois Jordan (63)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 1:45 pm
All I could manage for this one was a wry smile and lots of head close to the truth. Certainly explains why so many like to call Republicans "Reptiles."

marie C (163)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 3:54 pm
Thanks Kit

Audrey B (0)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 5:15 pm
If Christy runs for President I am still voting for him.

I also feel sorry for young children that think they are gay, I am sure they are picked on a bullied. Which is not right just because they feel different. If the Republicans don't like it to bad. They are letting a good candidate go, one that actually loves America and wants to help our Country.

Christy is a Middle Class kind of guy, if anyone knows how to relate to the Middle Class it is him. All these others don't even come close to understand how we live. They have been rich far to long to understand our needs.

Dotti L (85)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 5:42 pm
I saw this previously,get Andy Borowitz in my Inbox. Enjoyed reading it again. Audrey, please do re-think your comment and do some research.

Debra Tate (17)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 5:43 pm
Noted! One down.

Dotti L (85)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 5:44 pm
Audrey, I just saw that you do not have a profile. Hmm. Makes a body think.

Dotti L (85)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 5:51 pm
Audrey, I am not finished. You said young children who think they are gay?? One is born gay, it is not a choice and you know it or you do not know it.

Jeremy S (3)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 6:02 pm
Unfortunately, I can see this happening. The first decent Republican in decades. Doubt he'd get my vote (unless his opponents were particularly awful), but he is a sign that the GOP can change for the better.

If only he'd change on some of the issues...of course, then he'd have to switch party, and it might be hard to trust him after that.

Suzanne O (33)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 7:08 pm
Audrey, you are absolutely correct about Governor Christie. I live in New Jersey.

The hard core right is not a fan of Christie. He takes them on just like everyone else. The hard core left just hates anyone who is not one of their own.

I find the hype that some of you spew funny. If you knew New Jersey, knew the past leaders, the nature of the politics here. Maybe you would understand the truth.

As far as passing the ban on gay conversion therapy for youths. That is true. New Jersey is now the second state to have such a ban. I applaud him for that. It's a shame that the narrow minded view of some would not give credit for such a law. Governor Christie may be many things, but he is real. We would be fortunate to have such a man lead us all.

I don't agree with some things he has done or not done and I surely let him know. His office is very responsive to constituents, which is more than I can say for past governors of our fine state.

One other thing that should be said. New Jersey could have had gay marriage back in the Corzine days. Every level of our state government was owned by the democrats. They didn't pass the bill to allow it and make it law. Check it out. It's true.

Hopefully in November, as Governor Christie would like to see, we will see a referendum on gay marriage. I will vote to allow it, although I will warn you that many of my democrat family members and friends will not.

I think you all should really try to do some research on the politics of this state and then maybe you will have a better understanding and realize you may be bashing the wrong person.


Suzanne O (33)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 7:35 pm
"In signing the ban, Christie reiterated his belief that people are born gay and homosexuality is not a sin, a position he first stated in a 2011 interview with CNN's Piers Morgan. That view is inconsistent with his Catholic faith, which teaches that homosexual acts are sins."

Hmm....Dottie, it seems you and the Governor agree. Interesting.


Kit B (276)
Thursday August 22, 2013, 8:12 pm

It is humor, and a satire.

Sherri G (128)
Friday August 23, 2013, 1:47 am
TY Andy and Kit for a good laugh. Lots of honest felt debate on Christie I sent a lot of stars for the open and heart felt dialogue. Noted

Lona G (79)
Friday August 23, 2013, 3:08 am
Delicious satire, thank you for posting, Kit

Winnie A (179)
Friday August 23, 2013, 5:46 pm
I'm glad Christie signed the legislation and as for the GOP I say once again vote all republicans out of office in every state at every opportunity.
Or, log in with your
Facebook account:
Please add your comment: (plain text only please. Allowable HTML: <a>)

Track Comments: Notify me with a personal message when other people comment on this story

Loading Noted By...Please Wait


butterfly credits on the news network

  • credits for vetting a newly submitted story
  • credits for vetting any other story
  • credits for leaving a comment
learn more

Most Active Today in Society & Culture

Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of or its affiliates.

New to Care2? Start Here.