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Poll: Majority Of Americans Approve Of Sending Congress To Syria - Onion News


Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, Humor, Satire, society )

Kit
- 317 days ago - theonion.com
A majority of U.S. citizens believe congressional leaders in both the House and Senate must be sent to war-torn Syria immediately. ***HUMOR***ONION NEWS***



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Ben Oscarsito (353)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:10 am
Good idea!
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:10 am
Photo Credit: ONION NEWS NETWORK


****This is humor from the ONION News - this is not serious news!!!


WASHINGTON—As President Obama continues to push for a plan of limited military intervention in Syria, a new poll of Americans has found that though the nation remains wary over the prospect of becoming involved in another Middle Eastern war, the vast majority of U.S. citizens strongly approve of sending Congress to Syria.

The New York Times/CBS News poll showed that though just 1 in 4 Americans believe that the United States has a responsibility to intervene in the Syrian conflict, more than 90 percent of the public is convinced that putting all 535 representatives of the United States Congress on the ground in Syria—including Senate pro tempore Patrick Leahy, House Speaker John Boehner, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, and, in fact, all current members of the House and Senate—is the best course of action at this time.

“I believe it is in the best interest of the United States, and the global community as a whole, to move forward with the deployment of all U.S. congressional leaders to Syria immediately,” respondent Carol Abare, 50, said in the nationwide telephone survey, echoing the thoughts of an estimated 9 in 10 Americans who said they “strongly support” any plan of action that involves putting the U.S. House and Senate on the ground in the war-torn Middle Eastern state. “With violence intensifying every day, now is absolutely the right moment—the perfect moment, really—for the United States to send our legislators to the region.”

“In fact, my preference would have been for Congress to be deployed months ago,” she added.

Citing overwhelming support from the international community—including that of the Arab League, Turkey, and France, as well as Great Britain, Iraq, Iran, Russia, Japan, Mexico, China, and Canada, all of whom are reported to be unilaterally in favor of sending the U.S. Congress to Syria—the majority of survey respondents said they believe the United States should refocus its entire approach to Syria’s civil war on the ground deployment of U.S. senators and representatives, regardless of whether the Assad regime used chemical weapons or not.

In fact, 91 percent of those surveyed agreed that the active use of sarin gas attacks by the Syrian government would, if anything, only increase poll respondents’ desire to send Congress to Syria.

Public opinion was essentially unchanged when survey respondents were asked about a broader range of attacks, with more than 79 percent of Americans saying they would strongly support sending Congress to Syria in cases of bomb and missile attacks, 78 percent supporting intervention in cases of kidnappings and executions, and 75 percent saying representatives should be deployed in cases where government forces were found to have used torture.

When asked if they believe that Sen. Rand Paul should be deployed to Syria, 100 percent of respondents said yes.

“There’s no doubt in my mind that sending Congress to Syria—or, at the very least, sending the major congressional leaders in both parties—is the correct course of action,” survey respondent and Iraq war veteran Maj. Gen. John Mill said, noting that his opinion was informed by four tours of duty in which he saw dozens of close friends sustain physical as well as emotional injury and post-traumatic stress. “There is a clear solution to our problems staring us right in the face here, and we need to take action.”

“Sooner rather than later, too,” Mill added. “This war isn’t going to last forever.”
****

ONION NEWS NETWORK **** Humor***


 

David C. (25)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:57 am
e x c e l l e n t idea !!!
 

Joanne Dixon (35)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 9:13 am
Humor it may be, but it's still a good idea. "Many a true word is spoken in jest."
 

Elle B. (81)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 9:26 am
Yes...(first hand experience is invaluable...) and do remind them of the tax deductions, benefits and travel/moving allowances they will get if they extend their stays and relocate "indefinitely"...(and they can take their wealthy corporate campaign buddies along too. . .ie. on their own dimes)
 

Sue H. (7)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 9:36 am
I'd be happy to chip in for the air fare!
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 9:42 am

Oh my! They might never return...we could wish.
 

Arielle S. (316)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 10:22 am
oh, yes, yes, yes and YES! I'm pretty sure we could get a mandate, too....
 

Nancy M. (201)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 10:46 am
Best idea I've heard in a long time.
 

Lindsey O. (19)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 10:57 am
What a brilliant solution!

Please, oh please, oh please......can we deploy the entire Alabama legislature (along with Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore) along with them????? Or at LEAST Justice Moore????? Huh, can we, can we???
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 11:02 am

You do realize the not so hidden danger in this....We could be tried for crimes against humanity for sending politicians to talk people to death. Yes, Virginia this would be Santa Claus - for Americans.

Okay, Lindsey but this means everyone will want to send their legislature as well.
 

Nancy M. (201)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 11:03 am
It might take that many to do the job. Talking to death takes more time.
 

Kathy B. (98)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:21 pm
The title alone made me laugh, I knew I'd love the article.

Could we leave Bernie Sanders and Alan Grayson behind to run the country tho?

I ordinarily like my reps and senators, but they're undecided on this, maybe the threat would push them in the right direction :)
 

Angelika R. (146)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:26 pm
McCain as leader of the pack!
 

Arielle S. (316)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:29 pm
That's right - if Alabama legislature is going, so is Georgia's! And we might just as well throw in a couple of Chief Justices, too - not to mention names but Scalia and Thomas would be a good start....
 

JL A. (272)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:32 pm
And those less grounded in reality would have more challenges surviving so we might return to a functioning Congress once they are replaced (if with persons better connected to reality and their constituents).
 

Kathy B. (98)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:34 pm
Angelika, there are several besides McCain that need to go as advanced troops. Inhofe & McConnell come to mind immediately, I'm sure everyone has a favorite or two :)
 

Dave C. (213)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:50 pm
where and how much can I donate?????
 

Lindsey O. (19)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 12:59 pm
Well, Arielle, if Georgia's legislature is going along with Alabama's, we might as well haul in the rest of Dixie (can't have Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, and the rest feeling left out, can we?)
 

Carrie B. (300)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 2:26 pm
Sounds like a plan to me.
 

Yvonne White (231)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 2:57 pm
YES, please!:) And don't forget to strip search them, in case they're carrying contraband!
 

NicoleAWAY W. (629)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 3:11 pm
really great idea, ty Kit
 

Mitchell D. (129)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 3:35 pm
Sanders Grayson Warren and Rush Holt, i would keep here. Otherwise, where do i go to vote on this?
 

GGmaSheila D. (132)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 3:57 pm
I agree, wholeheartedly...is there a petition??
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 4:08 pm

I think the comments here are funnier than the article, you guys crack me up. Don't think that plane is leaving without the Texas delegation and of course Rick Perry. Bye. bye!
 

Gloria picchetti (287)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 4:32 pm
Yes I agree and not with a congressional salary and perks. Oh no no. Military pay.
 

Lois Jordan (55)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 4:48 pm
Article title already had me laughing, too....which got louder the more I read. Then, I got to the comments here---tears are coming out of my eyes now. Thanks for a very enjoyable portion of my Sun. afternoon. I'll be happy to help with a head count as they board the plane so no one gets left out....(with the very few exceptions noted; who will be strangely unaccounted for).
 

Brian M. (145)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 4:52 pm
Hilarious post! Thanks! Is it too soon to suggest folks send shoes towards the warmongers' heads like that reporter did to Dub?
 

SJ J. (116)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 4:55 pm
Greatest i ve ever heard these serious days. The title made me laugh so loudly!!
Don't forget those in Florida. Do you have a plane that can use only single way? get there then no function anymore we need that.

Noted gladly we have a future, big THANK YOU kit you really make my day :)
 

tasunka m. (334)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 5:02 pm
great idea,what exactly are we sending them to do?
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 5:07 pm

Well the article would have Congress stand in place of the military, that's cool with me. As you can see in the article, the whole global community is strongly in favor of the idea.

Even in real life that might hold true.
 

BarbKnight SunshineLady (1633)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 5:48 pm
WOO-HOO!! I'm all for it!! See if Congress can botch up the Syrian war...!! TY Kit!!
 

pam w. (191)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 5:53 pm
How about sending the Governors of Arizona and Texas? They're familiar with the problems of living in deserts...and might be able to offer some wisdom on how to treat the Syrian women.......

THANKS, Kit! (wink, wink.)
 

Arielle S. (316)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 6:08 pm
Let's be sure to give them rifles....no bullets, tho......
 

Lindsey O. (19)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 6:11 pm
And I propose a return to that lovely old-fashioned concept of a leader actually LEADING...his troops into battle. After all, our President is Commander-in-Chief of our armed forces. Seems a bit unfair that the CiC hasn't yet had the chance to show off his commandatorial skills in the heat of war.

....Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.....

 

jess b (22)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 6:20 pm
With the humor, there's the devastation taking place for over two years.
I was going to say, I'll sign a petition, then saw GGma Sheila already thought of it.
A petition is not a bad idea - sends a message.

Here is a thought. Send Congress away to the backland, to fend for themselves for a while, and see if they can come up with some essential survival and communication skills to manage the situation.

Meanwhile, we can get Teacher Hunt to bring a group of children, under his tutelage, to run Congress and engage in solutions that matter. Here's how. They participate in "The World Peace Game".
This may take time, up to 8 weeks, for starters.

Children can do it, when adults "can't"!

When the others come off their extended stay in the bush, the children can teach them the rules of the game. It's real, and the stakes are high. see:

www.worldpeacegame.org 2010

www.rosaliafilms.com

Available @ PBS/ OPB-Plus
9/6/2013
Thanks Kit.
 

Billie C. (2)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 7:22 pm
only if they take obama with them.
 

Sue L. (67)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 7:48 pm
What a brilliant idea! I'm for it with just a few exceptions like Bernie Sanders, who actually has common sense and truly works for the people.
 

Bill and Katie Dresbach (79)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 7:57 pm
Wonder how that would go?? Wow!
Thank You
 

Twyla Sparks (208)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:12 pm
Sounds good to me, lol..
 

Veronica C. (42)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:17 pm
I think this one is true.
 

Lindsey O. (19)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:19 pm
You know, Veronica's got a point....
 

Alan Haas (180)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 8:23 pm
Take the Canadian parliament with them.
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday September 8, 2013, 9:01 pm

Nah, you guys can keep your Parliament. We are shipping our whole government off to war. No guns, no bombs, not even a bullet, just gonna send 'em as cannon fodder. But yeah, we really know how to throw one hell of a funeral. I'm thinking the Wall Street gang and the Bankers need to be there as well.
 

John S. (297)
Monday September 9, 2013, 2:52 am
Good idea.
 

Tamara Noforwardsplz (185)
Monday September 9, 2013, 6:18 am
Well now, Kit, if we are going to send all of those guys over there, can I suggest sending Monsanto over there, providing of course, that the only food they are allowed to eat comes from Monsanto's GMO treasures. I can see a lot of bonding happening with all of these fine, upstanding politicians, bankers, the Wall Street gang and the absolutely heroic team of Monsanto. I think the Monsanto team should be sent ahead as scouts. They can use their GMO as weapons in case of attack. Oh this is fun! Hysterical comments all across the board. Love it!
 

Naoko I. (261)
Monday September 9, 2013, 7:18 am
Do you think Shinzo Abe, Shintaro Ishihara and some other Japanese politicians would help? No,no...sadly they're not worth this.
 

Kit B. (277)
Monday September 9, 2013, 7:21 am

Sure Naoko, we can make room for a few more. With the stress and aggravation lately this has provided some much needed comedy relief. Thanks to ONION and all of you!
 

Gene Jacobson (244)
Monday September 9, 2013, 7:52 am
Wonderful idea. Shined shoes and high heels on the ground! Lindsey is right too, we should not stop with Congress alone but include state legislatures and most definitely SCOTUS. Most of the 1% should go too. I would think they'd appreciate seeing first hand what their tax dollars buy in terms of weaponry. The plus side is that in a combat zone, though maybe only for military, one doesn't have to pay federal taxes on money earned there, or we didn't in Viet Nam. Since they work so hard at not paying taxes now, this would make that much easier for them.
 

Theodore Shayne (56)
Monday September 9, 2013, 1:17 pm
ROFLMAO - what a great idea.
BTW Lindsey the 600 that participated in the Charge of the Light Brigade did so on the orders of Lord Cardigan. It was not the intent of Lord Raglan, the CINC at Balaclava to do a frontal assault on a well trained and prepared Turkish artillery position. The results were minimal and the Light Brigade forced to retreat almost immediately. I still think it was a bravado call on that megalomaniac Lord Cardigan's lust for glory and position. His brother was just as bad.
That being said we did see during WW1 that most generals preferred to stay in the rear with the gear. It was the Canadians under General Currie who made the difference at so many battles during WW1. He wasn't a REMF but was right there with his men in the field. He kind of reminds me of Patton in a way.
WW2 saw much of the same type of attitude so prevalent by commanders who in battles such as Hurtgen Forest and the Bulge showed so little care for the men. Hurtgen Forest saw how many frontal assaults with immense casualties? It took a commando style night raid into the breaking dawn to turn the tide.
Sorry, I didn't intend a history listen. Oh dear me.....
 

Craig Pittman (45)
Tuesday September 10, 2013, 2:12 pm
Love it. They are called leaders after all. By all means they can lead the way for any military intervention either in Syria or elsewhere. Thanks for the smile Kit.
 

Betsy Bee (1045)
Thursday September 12, 2013, 7:14 am
Nothing better than "The Onion". BIG TY.
 
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