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Boehner: Obama Stubbornly Refusing to End Crisis I Created -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, Humor, Satire, society )

- 1692 days ago -
"Because of my actions, thousands of federal workers have already been furloughed," he said. "How many more people do I have to throw out on the street before the President wakes up?" ***HUMOR***

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Kit B (276)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 11:34 am
Photograph by Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio) said that he was disappointed after meeting with President Obama at the White House on Wednesday afternoon, telling reporters, “The President is stubbornly refusing to end the crisis I created.”

“Government is about teamwork,” Mr. Boehner continued. “I’ve done my part by putting together an entirely optional crisis that has shut down the government and will throw thousands out of work. Now it’s up to the President to do his part by ending it.”

Mr. Boehner said that he was “flabbergasted” that the President was looking to him to bring the current government shutdown to an end: “So after doing all of the hard work to push the country to the brink, I’m supposed to pull it back, too? How about you pitching in a little, Mr. President?”

The House Speaker said that he hoped he did not have to manufacture another entirely avoidable crisis over the debt ceiling in order to stir the President to action. “Quite frankly, orchestrating these unnecessary stalemates takes a lot of energy and I could really use a rest,” he said.

But Mr. Boehner seemed pessimistic that the President “got the message.”

“Because of my actions, thousands of federal workers have already been furloughed,” he said. “How many more people do I have to throw out on the street before the President wakes up?”

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorkers Magazine |


Pat B (356)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 12:16 pm
“The President is stubbornly refusing to end the crisis I created". Funny, but yet, sad for the American people.
”Andy has written truth in his humor, but it's time to end this. Thanks, Kit for my dose of Mr. Andy.

Arielle S (313)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 12:19 pm
Ok, I smiled but.... I could cheerfully wring Agent Orange's neck and then put him out for the vultures to finish off.
He must be very proud knowing there are people doing without because of him....knowing the country is hurting because of him...knowing he can be a butthole and get away with it. Yep, he must be very proud.

Kit B (276)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 1:04 pm

Oh Arielle, this is all the fault of the democrats and Obama. If they would just do as the Republican - tea bags ask, the government would not be closed. The democrats closed the government, I bet you haven't been listening to FOX news.

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 3:35 pm
Thank you for the Borowitz fix! If that orange thug would led it come to a vote it would pass! I could pinch his orange head off, or at least his tongue! Giggle giggle :)

Arielle S (313)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 4:21 pm
You're funny when you're being sarcastic, Kit! Nope, not listening to Fox...not listening to fingernails on a blackboard either. Life is already hard enough..

JL A (281)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 5:39 pm
Thanks for the dose of AB Kit--makes me wonder if someone was spiking the booze being consumed in the House while they refused to vote on things that actually would have kept the government create an excuse perhaps...

Kit B (276)
Thursday October 3, 2013, 6:22 pm

The only thing missing in the past few days was a page hand out spittoons. Jimmy was crackin' corn and fillin' those glasses.

Ann Breeden (65)
Friday October 4, 2013, 12:52 pm
I see no humor in the suffering of a great many people. There is a trickle down effect going on. I live near Acadia National Park. Not only is the park closed and all the employees on furlough but there's been 15 cruise ships that will not be coming and have cancelled as well as bus tours. We're in a tourism area with a five to 6 month window of making our income for the year. My husband and I have an art gallery and have had it for 22 years. The business is nil. Wake up Boehner and the Tea Party! You're ruining our economy!

Lynda Paradis (0)
Friday October 4, 2013, 12:55 pm
I have been watching ,with interest , this terrible standoff by Boehner . I am not an American. but as a Canadian,my country will definitely be affected by the shutdown,should it last much longer. I think Boehnerr is trying to deflect criticism by blaming this debacle on Mr. Obama . He should be concerned about his fractured party. By holding the Government hostage, he is hurting the entire country .

Ann Breeden (65)
Friday October 4, 2013, 12:58 pm
I just want to add something to my rant. I watched CNN last night with Pierce Morgan. There was an audience there and in that audience was a young mother from Florida who'd brought her 3 or 4 year old son with her. She said that as of today the Head Start program that her son is in would be closed due to lack of funding. She's a single mom who cares about her child.
Not only is this action by Boehner and the Tea Party hurting a great number of Americans but also the future generation. This one little boy will not go to school because of a bunch of selfish people! That is just not right!

SuSanne P (193)
Friday October 4, 2013, 1:02 pm
Thank you Kit.
Rather than share my new beliefs I have chosen to share 2 of my favorite bumper stickers as I've been inspired.
----"My News Source??? Fox NEWS! My Comedy Channel??? Comedy Central"---
----"You are entitled to your own facts-but NOT YOUR OWN OPINIONS"---


Louise D (44)
Friday October 4, 2013, 1:09 pm
John Boehner is maybe suffering from reverse Stockholm syndrome as he blames the victims for him having to hold them hostage as he fingers his suicide vest and wonders why so much high explosive was stuck up his ass.

Kathleen R (138)
Friday October 4, 2013, 1:46 pm
Thanks Kit

Beth Tatum (95)
Friday October 4, 2013, 2:11 pm
Gotta love Andy!

Birgit W (160)
Friday October 4, 2013, 2:32 pm

Jeremy S (3)
Friday October 4, 2013, 3:29 pm
This is far too accurate--saddening, but spot-on accurate. I'd like to think Boehner will back down when he sees the suffering he's causing.

I doubt it, though. He'll do anything to pin the blame on the twice-elected President, all because the President is a Democrat. (I'm giving Boehner the benefit of the doubt and not accusing him of racism.)

Vivian B (169)
Friday October 4, 2013, 4:12 pm
Thanks for a laugh in this intolerable standoff! Boner is an idiot! He wants to hold the whole world hostage until he gets his way! He acts like a two-year old that has lost his Binky! Swollen up, with his bottom lip stuck out! It's just a stupid trick! And come election time he'll try to blame the Democrats for the shutdown and the inevitable credit increase when they don't increase the debt ceiling. He'll say it was all Obama's fault cause he wouldn't "work" with the rethuglicans! They are the biggest obstructionists on the planet!
If we could just get his state to do a recall on him, it would help the country so much!!
Thanks for the grins, Kat!

Robert Hardy (68)
Friday October 4, 2013, 10:02 pm
I'm sorry. This is not funny. People are being hurt. Time to be serious.

Phil Hanson (21)
Friday October 4, 2013, 10:42 pm
If only Mr. Boehner would give it a rest.

Patsy Olive (0)
Saturday October 5, 2013, 10:48 am
What is this world coming to,when 1 person can stop every thing.Boehner I hope that you can live with your
self,because of all the pain, homeless, & hungrey people that are hurting on account of you.I think you need
to pucker up and cry. Don't you ?

Kit B (276)
Saturday October 5, 2013, 11:24 am

During the darkest of time humans survive because they have a sense of humor. One of the funniest book of jokes ever was published by man that wrote down all the jokes people told to keep each other in good spirits while waiting in the miserable cold, wet winter waiting in line for maybe a single loaf of bread. That was during the glory years of the USSR.

Phil R (29)
Monday October 7, 2013, 6:17 am
I've had numerous debates with Republicans over this, and their attitude seems to be "who cares?" They simply don't give a damn if people go without healthcare (or work for that matter) and see the ACA (Obamacare) as another infringement upon their "freedom" and another way to take their hard earned cash. They don't look at the big picture. The possibility that this will make America healthier and more secure....and they don't care if people die for lack of health care (as long as it isn't them). There is a major, "i've got mine" attitude. They also don't care about these who's jobs and livelihoods are jeopardized by this shutdown, except where it will score political points.

I do blame Boehner...and all of the people who vote for and support these so called "Tea Party" Republicans for the losses being suffered by some Americans during this shut down.
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