Start A Petition

Ted Cruz: Destroying Entire Planet Best Way to Stop Obamacare -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, Humor, Satire, society )

- 1685 days ago -
"Look, I'm in favor of shutting down the government and not raising the debt ceiling, but let's not kid ourselves. Those are only half measures," he told Crowley

Select names from your address book   |   Help

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.


Kit B (276)
Monday October 7, 2013, 7:56 pm
Photograph by Alex Wong/Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) raised the ante in the battle over the Affordable Care Act on Sunday, telling CNN’s Candy Crowley that “destroying the entire planet is really the best and only way to stop Obamacare.”

“Look, I’m in favor of shutting down the government and not raising the debt ceiling, but let’s not kid ourselves. Those are only half measures,” he told Crowley. “If we are really serious about stopping Obamacare, we’ll destroy the entire planet.”

Explaining his proposal to a visibly alarmed Crowley, Senator Cruz said, “Obamacare is like a parasite that needs a host to feed on. If you want to kill the parasite you kill the host, and in this case that means killing this planet. As long as there’s a planet Earth, the nightmare of Obamacare could always come screaming back to life.”

While he was not specific about how he would go about destroying the planet, Cruz said, “This is something that my colleagues and I have been working on for some time.”

The Texas senator refused to speculate on whether there were enough votes in Congress to support his proposal of obliterating Earth, but he ended his interview on a personal note: “Candy, I don’t want my children and my children’s children to live in a world with Obamacare. And the best way to guarantee that is by destroying the world.”

By: Andy Borowtiz | The New Yorker Magazine |

Jason S (50)
Monday October 7, 2013, 8:24 pm
Good posting, thanks

Judith E (402)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 2:19 pm
Seriously? Sorry...but this guy's a troll. I've noticed some elder Republicans are distancing themselves from him on cable TV commentaries and stating the shutdown should not have happened.

Kit B (276)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 2:28 pm

Judith Ted Cruz makes a droll look delightful. His eyes are firmly set on the White House and if he must walk over a few bodies to get there, oh well, that's the price of fame.

Andy does it again.

Pat B (356)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 2:34 pm
Sadly, this is true, re: Cruz. Andy is spot on. Thanks, Kit for this.

Kit B (276)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 2:54 pm

Many of us stand as Texans that Ted Cruz does not speak for - the man is ego-maniacal, self indulgent, pompous, a vainglorious narcissist.

Kathleen R (192)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 3:16 pm
Thanks for the good dose of Andy Borowitz, there is more truth in humor than many people realize. And Kit you shouldn't hold back when you are describing Cruz. It's better to let it out. LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!.

JL A (281)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 3:18 pm
Does Harvard have an opposite award to distinguished alumni award (who we made a mistake about big time) or a way to recall his diploma?

Roger G (154)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 4:59 pm
noted, thanks

Lois Jordan (63)
Tuesday October 8, 2013, 6:04 pm
Noted. Thanks, Kit. Although I know it's humor, strikingly close to the truth when so many of that party are just waiting for the world to end, and fearmongering like it's going to happen tomorrow.
Also flagged the spam.

Jonathan Harper (0)
Monday October 14, 2013, 2:20 am

Winn A (179)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 7:05 am

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Friday October 18, 2013, 8:41 am
Wow, I can't believe that I missed this one! Thank goodness I found it today! I love satire! My introduction to the fine art was Swift's "Modest Proposal" I knew he wasn't serious and that the piece must have caused an uproar among those he was skewering for their immoral refusal to help the impoverished people at that time. Of course, I suspect that many thought he was serious which is also funny. Like others, I appreciate the dose of AB. I laughed so hard my sides hurt.
Or, log in with your
Facebook account:
Please add your comment: (plain text only please. Allowable HTML: <a>)

Track Comments: Notify me with a personal message when other people comment on this story

Loading Noted By...Please Wait


butterfly credits on the news network

  • credits for vetting a newly submitted story
  • credits for vetting any other story
  • credits for leaving a comment
learn more

Most Active Today in Society & Culture

Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of or its affiliates.

New to Care2? Start Here.