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Heroic Broken Sewage Pipe Floods Congress With Human Waste -- Onion News

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

- 1649 days ago -
[....] the pipe's heroics were evident from the outset when the initial explosion splattered Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) with wadded-up toilet paper, sanitary napkins, vomit, and cholera-containing pathogens.

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Kit B (276)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 2:50 pm
Image Credit : Onion News Network

WASHINGTON—Calling the busted cylinder a national hero, sources confirmed Wednesday that a sewer pipe in the U.S. Capitol building valiantly burst open, pouring more than 1.5 million gallons of raw sewage into Congress and flooding the Senate and House of Representatives with human excrement, sludge, and wastewater. “Someone or something had to step up and fight for the American people, and when I heard that explosion and then saw congressman after congressman get swept up by a massive wave of feces and urine, I knew that sewage pipe had done something truly brave and extraordinary,” said one congressional source, adding the pipe’s heroics were evident from the outset when the initial explosion splattered Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) with wadded-up toilet paper, sanitary napkins, vomit, and cholera-containing pathogens. “Harry Reid must have guzzled down at least three thermosfuls of this brownish slop, and John Boehner was covered in human offal. Every Tea Party Republican, including Michele Bachmann and Steve King, had so much fecal matter on them that all you could see were the parts of their eyes where they wiped it away. They were all in one corner throwing up and dry heaving because of how putrid the smell was. This cracked sewage pipe deserves the Medal of Honor.” At press time, nobody was trying to fix the pipe.
BY: Onion News Staff |

Kit B (276)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 2:50 pm

A grateful nation sighed a resounding "thank you" to the sewage pipe.

Sue Matheson (79)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 3:22 pm

Rose Becke (141)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 4:44 pm

JL A (281)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 5:07 pm
Given how much offal/awful proved to have been elected with slimy tactics akin to things better left underground, I'm surprised some of them even noticed it wasn't one of their buddies. Thanks Kit--that may help wash away the bad taste of the tea the TP was trying to force feed the nation as if we were all at Gitmo.

MmAway M (505)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 9:16 pm
I noted this Kit because I wanted to read your news at site...Poop is in OFFICE!

MmAway M (505)
Wednesday October 16, 2013, 9:17 pm
I will clarify before I sign off to put Mom to bed, #!#! is in all political offices and government PERIOD....Not signing OBAMA's Praises EVER!

. (0)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 7:57 am
I've been saying for the last four years that we should be building waste conversion plants in all the governmental centres across the country. Toronto could power its downtown financial core year after year with all the BS and hot air that is generated there. How much more so Ottawa or Washington?

Terrie Williams (798)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 9:42 am
ROFLMAO.....LOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL......I am laughing hysterically because I really can picture Crackhead Cruz covered in this ....stuff. Batsh** Bachmann ought to be right at home literally covered in this putrid mass.

.....Still chuckling....

Many Feathers (139)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 9:48 am

Nancy M (197)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 9:50 am
Fecal Material Happens.

SuSanne P (193)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 9:51 am

Kit B (276)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 9:52 am

Yes, Nancy it does, but not usually with this much fun. Should that be a bumper sticker?

Nancy M (197)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 10:15 am
Isn't it already? Hmm, maybe I should take this opportunity to start my own small business so that One Day I can employ people overseas at pennies per hour and become a 1%er.

Angelika R (143)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 10:16 am
"A grateful nation sighed a resounding "thank you" to the sewage pipe. " -I'm joining in there-if only it were true!!

Kit B (276)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 10:23 am

Great idea, Nancy. Then you also great those tax breaks for not hiring Americans, some one should have thought of that.

Maybe we could reach out to the plumbers union, Angelika? A little tinkering and we would be laughing for months.

Nancy M (197)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 11:06 am
Hey Kit, if I remember currently, weren't all those Watergate men called "plumbers"?

SuSanne P (193)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 1:32 pm
"plumbers"...GOOD ONE!

Past Member (0)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 2:07 pm
I was of the understanding that the Congress was full of 'human waste' prior to any pipes bursting.

Sheri Schongold (7)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 2:09 pm
The timing of the break was incredible and so perfect. They got a taste of we the voters think of them. Too bad the taste won't last beyond the first shower to clean up. Score - pipe & voters 1; congress - 0.

Isabelle J (81)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 9:29 pm
Thanks !

Karen Chestney (112)
Thursday October 17, 2013, 10:19 pm
OH....I DO so love The Onion !!!!. Thank-you !!!

cynthia l (207)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:06 am
thx for the hearty laugh

Julie W (32)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:15 am
If only! But I do love the image.

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Friday October 18, 2013, 9:57 am
Bravo!!!! Ahhh the scatological quality of this piece is delightful. Generally boys and men have a greater appreciation for humor of this sort. Swift wrote a number of scatological pieces that I thought were humorous and revolting at the same time, but this piece made me roar! I will share it with everyone in my family! I'm sure we will laugh about it for days to come. Thank you, Kit! This was more grand fun. ; )

Kit B (276)
Friday October 18, 2013, 10:50 am

This time the Onion is overflowing with humor.

DORIS L (61)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:39 pm

Lois Jordan (63)
Friday October 18, 2013, 1:41 pm
Thanks for the laughs, Kit! Oh, the pictures in my mind! While there are a dozen or so members of Congress I would be happy to lend a hand to, and even spray off and invite home for dinner.....the rest can stay covered with the excrement they definitely deserve. (Of course I'm sure they'd blame it all on Obama).

Birgit W (160)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:35 pm

Shirley H (49)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:56 pm
Well isn't that special - bahaha !!!!!

Past Member (0)
Friday October 18, 2013, 4:39 pm
HAHAHAHA! I can still smell it here!

Kathleen R (138)
Friday October 18, 2013, 5:08 pm
Thanks for the laugh

Virgene L (51)
Friday October 18, 2013, 5:21 pm
Well, we could wish it were true. However our National Debt does not need that clean-up price tag.
Thanks for the humor.

Helen Porter (39)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:41 am
Now that's KARMA.

What they've been sending to the American people has come right back to them.

I wish I could send messages. I can't. But I'm probably going to put the article on an ecard and send it to all my Care2 friends.

I LUV IT!!!!

I shouldn't, but I do.

Thank you,

Daniel Partlow (179)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 7:16 am
The picture looks contrived. Did this really happen? If so Congress gets what it deserves!
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