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Cruz Plans to Read Affordable Care Act -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

- 1709 days ago -
The Texas Senator said that he started reading the law this morning and observed, "So far, it's pretty dry." ***Humor***Satire***

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Kit B (276)
Friday October 18, 2013, 11:23 am
Photograph by Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Now that the government shutdown is over, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) plans to read the Affordable Care Act, he told reporters today.

“It’s definitely been on my must-read list for a while now,” Sen. Cruz said of the law often referred to as Obamacare. “Things have just been so hectic around here lately, I couldn’t get to it.”

The Texas Senator said that he started reading the law this morning and observed, “So far, it’s pretty dry.”

“It’s not a page-turner, that’s for sure,” he said. “But it’s caused so much controversy, it must have some pretty juicy stuff in it. I’ll keep reading it and see what I find.”

Sen. Cruz said that when he finishes reading the Affordable Care Act, he plans to read the United States Constitution.

“People kept bringing it up the last few weeks,” he said. “So I’m kind of curious to see what all the fuss is about.”

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |

Carrie B (306)
Friday October 18, 2013, 11:27 am
Are you absolutely sure this is satire Kit? It sounds truthfully accurate to me. :-)

Arielle S (313)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:00 pm
I guess the surprise for me is that Cruz can read at all..... (thanks for the laughs)

Pat B (356)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:54 pm
Thanks, Kit for this funny article about Cruz. Andy has a lot of truth in his stories...;-)

JL A (281)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:32 pm
This AB dose did make me giggle Kit! I must be recovering from the shutdown blues.

Fiona Ogilvie (565)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:57 pm
Very funny.

Did you know, Miss Kitty, that the Academic Dean of the University of Indiana has banned the writings of Howard Zinn??? I know that is not sufficient reason to think that the Academic Dean of the University of Indiana is literate.


Angelika R (143)
Friday October 18, 2013, 4:14 pm
Great idea! Will make him the first victim of this destroying Americans stuff!

Ruby S (44)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:28 pm
They never read anything. I think if they (Repugs) did read before trying to dismantle things, I'm sure they would think twice before making fools of themselves. This ass bang is after the ACA because it bears The Presidents signature. And (he, they), are against the American people. They are anti American, he should go back to Canada and dismantle things that he doesn't like there. People are very upset with this dumbing down of our country. I wish I could slap the taste out of his mouth. They aren't going to stop until some higher power throws a bolt of lightening up their pants. Understand, the ACA is as tight as Hattie's hatband, and after all, the President is a civil rights attorney. If this wasn't so serious it would really be funny. But it's not. They don't care? Well I don't care.

Mary Grace D (40)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:29 pm

Notice anything?


Ruby S (44)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:31 pm
Have you ever seen a shark get caught in a net? Can't chew his way out of that one...The more he tries to break loose, the more he gets entangled....Sad.

Sherry D (47)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:41 pm

Cruzes father had Cruz anointed at a church in Texas to get him elected...saying Cruz will become the King of the world. Straight Jacket time.

Angelika R (143)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:43 pm
"he should go back to Canada and dismantle things that he doesn't like there" -make that CUBA, the country of his father! Quite suitable for him being so anti-immigration.. and for the pain he caused for the American people perhaps gitmo might be enough Cuba..

Barbara V (51)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 2:05 pm
You mean he can READ?

Birgit W (160)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 3:27 pm
Thanks Kit.

Kevin Lewis (1)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 3:48 pm
You mean he hasn't even bothered to read it yet?

Ellen G (325)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 5:13 pm
And then he will attempt to think!

Winnie A (179)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 5:49 pm
A mind is a terrible thing to waste and this man needs serious mental health counseling for a very, very long time. Wheres a muzzle when you need one.

edward jagusiak (25)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 6:45 pm
Why are we paying attention to the CanadianSenator from Texas? What a weird fantasy he has of being President.

Joanne Dixon (38)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 7:33 pm
Heck, he doesn't need to read it to know he's agin it. It bears the name "Obama."
The Constitution is a whole lot shorter, but possibly more difficult to grasp.
I doubt he will actually attempt to think; he might sprain something or otherwise hurt himself.

Dianne D (490)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 7:55 pm
What a low life. Only looking out for his own interests.

Carlene V (202)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 6:25 am
I didn't know tantrum throwing 2 yr. olds could read. Maybe his mommy can read it to him when he starts stamping his feet. Thanks Kit!

Debra Tate (17)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 7:21 am
I stand with Cruz! I got to see how much it would cost me . . I would have to get ANOTHER PT job, as I already have a full time and a part time job, just to pay for it! I will fight Obamacare tooth and nail!

Kathleen R (138)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 2:14 pm

marie C (163)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 2:28 pm

Phil P (94)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 5:28 pm
@ Debbie,
Check into it Debbie and let us know the whole story, not just the part that doesn't prove you wrong. And if you don't have insurance now, I don't want to pay for your hospital bill when you skip out on them.

Gary L (138)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 8:35 pm
and here I thought ted was just a bigot silly me he's also a lair, oh Debbie please check out the real cost because you don't know what you are talking about

Ruby S (44)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 10:34 pm
I wonder why he didn't dismantle the healthcare in his own hometown...probably because he would have gotten shot. The Rethuglicons in congress are so hateful, and outsiders see this and come here and terrorize our citizens, this is an act of terrorism, some have backed Cruz up in a corner and he vows to keep it up. Like China, does not tolerate this kind of insanity. The US is too easy going. We need to clean up the cities, from the raping and killing of children, our women, and guns. The only way, Peeps, is to vote them out. I send a prayer up for The President, and his family, may he continue to stand strong, God knows I don't see how he does it, me, I'd be in jail, and to hell with it, I know that is not the kind of person that he is. Also we found that the Healthcare website was getting hacked, so they took it down. Who knew???? Those are liars, haters and people filled with nothing, no soul, no thinking ability, you name it they got it. I am so glad that I live in peace, although I do sometimes want to see red, but I know that I would just go to the crazy house, because I would not be able to return to sanity. .LOL..

Ruby S (44)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 10:40 pm
Also I got my healthcare a little over a year ago. Paying for my meds alone would cost me a good $6-7 hundred dollars, out of pocket, as it stands now, two, which I have to take, I only pay $1.25, and for the other $1.15, and I'm good. As in Always... Ruby Andrews-Lester.. Hey Kit...

Roseann d (178)
Monday October 21, 2013, 12:31 pm
Cruz is a roadblock to getting things done in the beltway. This is not what we're paying his cushy-comfy salary for him to do. I'm not sure it's satire either. Sounds like the Plum Cruz-y Madness he's known for... that's his madhatter modus operandi.

Carmen S (611)
Monday October 21, 2013, 6:49 pm
Thanks Kit.
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