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Obama Declares National Day of Gloating -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

- 1646 days ago -
Immediately after the President's speech, loudspeakers outside the White House blasted "We Are the Champions," and the national day of gloating began.

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Kit B (276)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:39 pm
Photograph by Matt Campbell-Pool/Getty.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Residents of the District of Columbia were roused from their sleep by a massive fireworks display over the White House just after midnight, as President Obama declared what he called “a national day of gloating.”

“It would not be productive for this nation, going forward, to crow about our victory over political adversaries,” he said in a nationally televised address. “So let’s get it all out of our systems today.”

Immediately after the President’s speech, loudspeakers outside the White House blasted “We Are the Champions,” and the national day of gloating began.

In addition to a ticker-tape parade, the day’s events will include a screening on the Mall of a clip reel of Texas Senator Ted Cruz’s marathon Senate speech, punctuated by sad trombone sounds.

“Starting tomorrow, my message to the Republicans is, ‘Let’s work together for the American people,’ ” said Obama, wearing what appeared to be a beer hat. “But today my message is, ‘We won, bitchaz.’ ”

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |

Kit B (276)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:41 pm

You betcha, and baby it is so good to have a clean victory. Psst....we someone please tell Ted Cruz the word Victory is in the dictionary, he seems to misunderstand what it means.

Pat B (356)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:55 pm
Loved this piece by Andy.!!!! It's a great read, thanks, Kit for this. ;-)

Kit B (276)
Friday October 18, 2013, 12:59 pm

I submitted two pieces by Andy today, I know I have no self control, he really makes me laugh.

Angelika R (143)
Friday October 18, 2013, 2:19 pm
Thx kit-and I sure will tell Ted, rather throw it at him if you give me some big green eggs and ham to make my message clear.

Kit B (276)
Friday October 18, 2013, 2:29 pm

Okay, Green Eggs and Ham headed your way with the HUGE full edition of the Oxford Dictionary of the English language. Toss that his way. Victory? It what demented world?

JL A (281)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:29 pm
Thanks for this dose of AB Kit!

Angelika R (143)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:34 pm
Have you read his latest crusade?
Senator Cruz has just taken the extraordinary step of blocking a nominee to the FCC until he promises Cruz that he won’t require Super PACs to disclose their funders.
Certain words obviously ARE in his dictionary.

Fiona Ogilvie (565)
Friday October 18, 2013, 3:53 pm
OH I Am delighting in this. Too good. Thanks for showing the very few things I miss about TV.

Rose B (141)
Friday October 18, 2013, 4:32 pm
Love your cattitude Kit :)

Laurie H (817)
Friday October 18, 2013, 6:49 pm
Thanks Kit, always love LOL!!!! Now, how about we send "Cruz" away on a "Permanent Cruise????!!!!!!"

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Friday October 18, 2013, 7:22 pm
Oh, goody goody! This is more grand fun. Are you sending all of the volumes of the complete Oxford English Dictionary Kit? He needs to study the definition for LOSER. Giggle giggle giggle. Thanks for the fun!

Vivian B (169)
Friday October 18, 2013, 9:02 pm
Thank you, Kit, for the laugh and still chuckling! Way to go, AB!

Peggy Johnson (1)
Friday October 18, 2013, 9:47 pm
Thanks, Kit -- This certainly made my day!

TomCat S (129)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:28 am
He didn't, but I did!

Arielle S (313)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 10:27 am
The president is a class act and hid his gloating.... I did not. I love Andy for giving vent to what we all felt this week -

Mary Grace D (40)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 1:39 pm
Heeheeheehee! ... (Oooopsy, scuzi ... our prez said we mustn't gloat ... (but ... heeheeheehee! ;) ))

Birgit W (160)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 3:28 pm

Sheri Schongold (7)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 4:30 pm
I think that our pres is inappropriate. A day of gloating. He gloats and bloats every day and his wife helps him with much evident pleasure.

Julie W (32)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 4:35 pm
This is so funny!! I don't live in the US, but I love AB.

Diane K (134)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 5:58 pm
Sense of humor! Had a chuckle. Thanks for posting, Kit

Don Schwarz (5)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 6:33 pm
Thanks, KIt. Humor is nice for a change.

Joanne D (38)
Saturday October 19, 2013, 7:36 pm
This is priceless. And it might have been a good idea. Almost too bad the President has too much class to countenance it.

Debra Tate (17)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 7:51 am
Obama is an A$$! And needs to be impeached!

Nancy M (197)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 12:42 pm
How did I miss reading this. Good one Kit. Problem is, the righties believe it.

Debra Tate (17)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 1:16 pm
BTW. . . I loved the Humor in this! Thanks Andy!

Kathleen R (138)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 2:25 pm
Love the article ... thanks.

marie C (163)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 2:30 pm
Great humor thanks Kit

Phil P (94)
Sunday October 20, 2013, 5:35 pm
We should declare 17 Oct Butt F#@k a TeaPuke Day and maybe we won't have to go through this BS in Jan or Feb 2014 to have satiated Ted Cruz before he feels the Spirits tickling his anus.

Jeremy S (3)
Tuesday October 22, 2013, 5:56 pm
I think the President deserves a little gloating after everything he's been put through! He's facing a minority of voters who is loudly insisting he shouldn't hold the office he does (and you can't tell me it's not because of race), but he managed in spite of that. He's been blocked at every turn by a house of Congress hostile to passing laws (isn't that what they're supposed to do? Never mind)--but the President has won through anyway. I think a little celebration (that's a nicer word) is merited.

But just for a day. Then he'll have to get back to work facing a political party after his downfall. Only in America...
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