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Polar Vortex Causes Hundreds of Injuries as People Making Snide Remarks About Climate Change Are Punched in Face -- Andy Borowit


Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, Humor, Satire, society )

Kit
- 259 days ago - newyorker.com
Authorities in several states said that residents who had made ignorant comments erroneously citing the brutally cold temperatures as proof that climate change did not exist were reporting a sharp increase in injuries to the face and head regions.



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Kit B. (276)
Monday January 6, 2014, 1:25 pm
Photograph: Bilgin Sasmaz/Anadolu Agency/Getty


Polar Vortex Causes Hundreds of Injuries as People Making Snide Remarks About Climate Change Are Punched in Face

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—The so-called polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said “so much for global warming” and similar comments were punched in the face.

Authorities in several states said that residents who had made ignorant comments erroneously citing the brutally cold temperatures as proof that climate change did not exist were reporting a sharp increase in injuries to the face and head regions.


In an emergency room in St. Paul, Harland Dorrinson, forty-one, was waiting to be treated for bruising to the facial area after he made a crack about how the below-freezing temperatures meant that climate-change activists were full of shit.

“I’d just finished saying it and boom, out of nowhere someone punched me in the face,” he said. “This polar vortex is really dangerous.”

The meteorology professor Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, issued a safety warning to residents of the states hammered by the historic low temperatures: “If you are living within the range of the polar vortex and you have something idiotic to say about climate change, do not leave your house.”
******HUMOR*****SATIRE*****

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |
 

Kit B. (276)
Monday January 6, 2014, 1:30 pm

hu·mor
noun

1. ) a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement: the humor of a situation.

2. ) the faculty of perceiving what is amusing or comical: He is completely without humor.

3. ) an instance of being or attempting to be comical or amusing; something humorous: The humor in his joke eluded the audience.

4.) the faculty of expressing the amusing or comical: The author's humor came across better in the book than in the movie.

5.) comical writing or talk in general; comical books, skits, plays, etc.

******
Satire
noun

1.) the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

2. ) a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

3.) a literary genre comprising such compositions.

Satire, lampoon refer to literary forms in which vices or follies are ridiculed. Satire the general term, often emphasizes the weakness more than the weak person, and usually implies moral judgment and corrective purpose: Swift's satire of human pettiness and bestiality. Lampoon refers to a form of satire, often political or personal, characterized by the malice or virulence of its attack: lampoons of the leading political figures.

I hope this helps with the confusion between humor and satire and serious articles.
 

Angelika R. (143)
Monday January 6, 2014, 1:41 pm
>>listening to the CNN WEATHER REPORT as i type-and sure could punch them in the face myself! ..." we have this every year.." blah blah
thx Kit- I think Andy did a GREAT job in picking up what those who should did not.
 

Arielle S. (317)
Monday January 6, 2014, 2:16 pm
Hmmm....it might actually be a good idea if the polar vortex DID punch a few climate change deniers....Donald Trump comes to mind....
 

Judy C. (107)
Monday January 6, 2014, 2:19 pm
I hope this means that the same fate is being shared by the excessive number of right-wingers here in Eastern Nebraska! It was -11 degrees last night, and it's only 3 degrees now. Thanks for the laugh, Kit.
 

Kit B. (276)
Monday January 6, 2014, 2:24 pm

It was so cold last night and this morning that the water bowl for the strays was frozen solid. That didn't even happen during our Thanksgiving Ice storm. Stay warm and if you have the opportunity, to punch a climate denier, why not!
 

Angelika R. (143)
Monday January 6, 2014, 2:30 pm
I got a bit puzzled over a comment posted recently by Roxy in another thread-forgot for the moment where-and she said CNN "is owned by nrc"-and "translated that nrc with "nuclear resource center"-huh? never heard of, i just know NRC as the NUCLEAR REGULATORY COMMISSION--? which definitely does not own CNN or any other media..
 

Angelika R. (143)
Monday January 6, 2014, 2:36 pm
that was said in context of reason for CNN -and their journalists, one whom she named in person -not reporting truthfully..while I don't doubt the latter when it comes to climatechange matters, i don't know what to think about the rest..seems very odd. But the many dirty energy ads they run do suggest they're STILL puppets to the oil giants and fossil fuel corps.
 

pam w. (191)
Monday January 6, 2014, 3:41 pm
We might be forgiven for STABBING one in the ego with an ice-sickle!
 

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Monday January 6, 2014, 4:32 pm
Ha ha ha! Thanks for the laughs! I love satire. We wrote a satirical piece in grad school which I enjoyed immensely.
 

Nyack Clancy (436)
Monday January 6, 2014, 4:43 pm
One COULD stand there (like an idiot!) and logically explain that, when glaciers melt, it lowers the ocean temperature and works its way into the gulf stream- that, in fact, global warming may lead to another ice age....

,,,you know, like when you drop ice cubes into a glass of warm water, the overall glass of water will cool significantly.

But don't bother with that science crap, because no one will listen. Just blacken both their eyes and walk away.
 

JL A. (275)
Monday January 6, 2014, 7:26 pm
I watched people last night timing how fast boiling water would freeze (seemed under a minute)--made me think of AB but it was for real. Thanks for the hefty dose Kit! Brrrrrrrrrr
 

Jonathan Harper (0)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 4:37 am
noted
 

cecily w. (0)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 5:05 am
Satire has its place, and this gave me a good laugh. Thanks, Kit. Gotta confess, though, I thought at first it was serious, given the state of our society.

 

Craig Pittman (45)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 5:12 am
Thank you for my morning smile Kit. Events like the vortex just might provide a punch in the face for those still in denial of global warming aka climate change.
 

Terry King (109)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 5:49 am
Laughter helps to keep us warm!
 

Jamie Clemons (280)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 5:58 am
Punching people in the face is not particularly funny. Even if some of them deserve it.
 

Louise D. (38)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 6:12 am
Personally a Boot to the head is far more effective - particularly when it is given to someone like Lord Monckton I understand there is a points system and if his eyes pop out you score 100 points and get another point. Still, given the amount of ignorance that climate change deniers have they really should do their homework on what they are talking about. I remember a pair of guys I was at University with, were on a bus discussing a Turing Machine problem: for a Postal worker to explain the solution - even down to the State Transition Diagrams. They dismissed it, only to find out the Postal worker had a degree in Computer Science: so maybe it might be better for deniers to know their subject rather than show that their opinions are merely coming ex culo.
 

Kathleen R. (203)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 7:12 am
Thanks Kit. I love reading Andy B. But the comments on here are great. I love the satire. Climate Deniers have no send of humor. And that's the best thing I can say about them. Hey, my weather thermometer just went up, yeah. It is now 1 degree. Heat Wave!.
 

Kathleen R. (203)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 7:14 am
Senior moment correction. Should read: Climate Deniers have no sense of humor. My brain is faster than my fingers and that's a good thing. LOL
 

Terry King (109)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 7:16 am
For those of you who plan to visit the west coast to escape the cold..... Bring water!
 

Angelika R. (143)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 8:07 am
Louise got it hilariously right- ex culo! -(well, some do wear their head where others have their ass,ergo seems logical):D
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 8:40 am

If you watch The Daily Show - Jon Stewart, it seems that Stewart and Borowitz might have had a tiny bit of collaboration in this scathing satire on "deniers". Acorrding to Fox news this storm is not proof of strange and unexpected weather as earth science has warned. No, rather it is proof positive that we are beginning another Ice Age. Information gained from taking their children and grandchildren to a movie?

This is a "discussion"/ "debate" that has been in the public for no less than 40 years. How is that the Fox crowd learned about this within he past couple of years? All the thousands of earth scientists whose research confirms that we are experiencing extreme and often rapid climatic change, that the preponderance of evidence whether subjected to observation or clinical trials; show us that massive amounts of CO2, (and other pollutants) have a direct affect on our climate. These scientists are lying because their on THEIR payroll.

I wonder if these people also still use "bleeding" and leeches for their health care?
 

Victoria Oakey (115)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 9:30 am
This made my chuckle. Thanks.
 

A F. (132)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 11:26 am
lol
 

Howard Crosse (17)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 12:13 pm
As we face more extremes of weather those who deny that our climate is changing seem either increasingly out of touch or deliberately ignoring what is happening around them.
Regarding the current extremely cold weather that the US (and Canada??) is facing I am wondering how those animals not lucky enough to be able to find shelter are coping.
 

Roxy H. (337)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 12:23 pm
Ugh, shaking my head in -31*f shivering cold weather. Looking to see who else is freezing their a$$es off with me. hmmmm c'mere Kitty-Kat I have an ice-cicle for ya. cheers
 

Nancy M. (201)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 1:20 pm
LOL
 

Birgit W. (144)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 2:18 pm
Thanks for sharing Kit.
 

Debra G. (0)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 2:28 pm
Thanks for the smile. To all of you shivering in the vortex, my sincere wishes for warmth.
To those climate change deniers who believe the Snow Queen is pulling a prank: the REAL cause of this arctic blast is cold-hearted Republicans refusing to extend Unemployment Benefits or expand LIHEAP (Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program).
 

Lois Jordan (56)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 2:45 pm
Noted. Adding my thanks for the laughs, Kit. ....The pictures I got in my mind while reading it just made me lol.
 

Syd Henley (0)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 3:10 pm
As the climate change Nazis are having to resort to violence against the infidel non-believers, it simply PROVES beyond doubt that they have no sane argument for what they, as a minority group believe in and wish to inflict on everyone else. These eco-fascists are no different to the members of the TALIBAN, with their WE ARE RIGHT YOU ARE WRONG attitudes.
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 3:43 pm

When the best you can do is resort to NAZI's you have already lost the argument. Research and scientific facts are not a religion, therefore, your effort at a religious inference is ridiculous. Those who acknowledge the science are not trying to force anything, though I seriously doubt that you could grasp the scientific conclusions.
 

Kit B. (276)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 3:44 pm

Syd Henley - zero friends and: The profile you are looking for could not be found. A troll, I'm shocked!
 

Debra Tate (17)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 3:53 pm
Thanks for the humor! Noted.
 

Sheri Schongold (6)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 6:17 pm
Mother Nature is taking exception to the way we are handling this whole situation and she is going to show us that no matter what we say or do, she is still in command. I think we better watch out. Noah may be on his way.
 

Dale O. (190)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 8:28 pm
I am reporting the Canadian Winter for grievous assault when it punched me in the face the other day with -40 and then gave me freezing rain and then pouring rain and 32F . then the next day Winter left in a snit by delivering a body blow of -35 Arrest warrants being issued.
 

Dale O. (190)
Tuesday January 7, 2014, 8:31 pm
Excuse my sloppy grammar with the period and the non capital t. I am calling icing.
 

Sherri G. (113)
Wednesday January 8, 2014, 12:04 am
Global warming location in Arctic does not mean it happens everywhere including the US where we are getting extreme weather conditions. If we thing this is bad just wait for the summer extreme which is happening within days of the cold extremes. Loved Andy and wonderful comments sent lots of stars. TY Kit Noted
 

Louise D. (38)
Wednesday January 8, 2014, 3:05 am
Well I see the Troll was a typical "Billy No mates" went into Godwin's law., the issue with climate change is that the deniers are wilfully ignorant. There is clear evidence that for more than a decade, fossil fuel companies have been directly funding organizations and individuals like Lord Monckton whose job it is to sow doubt about the scientific realities of climate change. Much like the tobacco companies who attacked the scientific findings linking tobacco smoke and cancer, the impact of these misinformation campaigns has confused the public and delayed action to reduce climate pollution in the United States.
Oh by the way the Boot to the head line should of read that if you make Lord Monckton's eyes pop out you get another shot too.
 

Fi T. (16)
Wednesday January 8, 2014, 4:27 am
No one can be exempted
 

Brad Hunter (26)
Wednesday January 8, 2014, 10:53 am
Thanks
 

Winn Adams (192)
Wednesday January 8, 2014, 2:03 pm
Climate change deniers need to have a mental health evaluation and suitable therapy.
 

Benjamin B. (1)
Wednesday January 8, 2014, 8:50 pm
Anyone asking what the impact of Colorado will have on Global Climate Change. How much carbon is in a joint?
 

Roger Garin-michaud (62)
Thursday January 9, 2014, 2:04 pm
noted, thanks
 

Carmen S. (611)
Thursday January 9, 2014, 4:13 pm
Thanks Kit.
 
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