Start A Petition

Scientists: Humans More Closely Related to Neanderthals Than Originally Thought -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

- 1601 days ago -
He urged caution, however, in attributing brutish, beastly, or savage behavior to the amount of Neanderthal genes one possesses. "That's really unfair to Neanderthals," he added. (An Andy short take) ***HUMOR***

Select names from your address book   |   Help

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.


Kit B (276)
Thursday January 30, 2014, 8:14 pm
Photo Credit: ABC News

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Human beings are more closely related to Neanderthals than originally thought, scientists confirmed today.

According to Professor Davis Logsdon, the chairman of the genetic science department at the University of Minnesota, the level of Neanderthal genes in a human may vary from person to person. “There are certain humans walking among us who are passing as humans but are really Neanderthals in human clothing, if you will,” he said.

He urged caution, however, in attributing brutish, beastly, or savage behavior to the amount of Neanderthal genes one possesses. “That’s really unfair to Neanderthals,” he added.

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |


Kit B (276)
Thursday January 30, 2014, 8:15 pm

Thank goodness for the warped and wonderful mind of Andy Borowitz.

Rose Becke (141)
Friday January 31, 2014, 1:11 am
Love Andy, Thanks Kit I needed this laugh

JL A (281)
Friday January 31, 2014, 9:21 am
Thanks for the dose of AB--I sure could guess a few that have Neanderthal overload!

Terry King (113)
Friday January 31, 2014, 10:01 am
A coalition of Neanderthals has just filed suit in a New Jersey district court for slander!

Walter F (129)
Friday January 31, 2014, 3:00 pm
This could be one explanation for so many of the mindless brutal bastards that we have today. I can't think of a better one other than too much inbreeding.

Kit B (276)
Friday January 31, 2014, 4:14 pm

I was thinking the same thing. Early interpretations of the Neanderthal man was that of a stupid brute, which would fit many of our politicians. Over time have learned that Neanderthal was probably the leap forward for the humans we have become.

Nelson Baker (0)
Friday January 31, 2014, 5:04 pm
The human species are cruel, inhumane and selfish savages.

Laurie H (817)
Friday January 31, 2014, 11:42 pm
LOL=Exactly what I suspected for quite some time now!!!!~ Thank you Kit!!!!~~~~

Panchali Yapa (26)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 1:47 am
Thank you :)

Panchali Yapa (26)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 1:53 am
Thank you :)

Benoit W (12)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 1:54 am
For who is interest look at AO, the last hunter

Alan Lambert (91)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 2:37 am
Far as I'm concerned the Republicans are neanderthals....

Fiona Ogilvie (565)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 7:23 pm
All joking aside, I cannot understand why Neanderthals are not still around as they were more practical and pragmatic than homo sapiens sapiens (the wise, wise one on the homo family tree),

Joanne D (38)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 7:28 pm
I've been saying for ages that we are slandering Neanderthals by comparing them to homo sapiens. Truth be told, they are still around, and we don't recognize them. I suspect our best and brightest have more Neanderthal genes than Republicans do.

Fiona Ogilvie (565)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 7:33 pm
Thank you, Joanne, that is all the proof we need that homo sapiens sapiens is in fact stupid. Only the very stupid would belong to the GOP.

Susanne R (235)
Saturday February 1, 2014, 10:50 pm
According to an article by Garret LoPorto, which appeared in the Huffington Post:

"If a typical Neanderthal lived in our society today they would most likely be labeled with ADHD, bipolar, Asperger's or autism. They would have addictive personalities causing them to go way over the top with whatever caught their passion. They would be seen as troublemakers in school and would quickly assume the role of misfit or rebel. So it is with those who still carry their genes."

It would appear that Representative Grimm fits that profile.
Or, log in with your
Facebook account:
Please add your comment: (plain text only please. Allowable HTML: <a>)

Track Comments: Notify me with a personal message when other people comment on this story

Loading Noted By...Please Wait


butterfly credits on the news network

  • credits for vetting a newly submitted story
  • credits for vetting any other story
  • credits for leaving a comment
learn more

Most Active Today in Society & Culture

Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of or its affiliates.

New to Care2? Start Here.