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Rick Perry Hopes Combination of Wearing Glasses and Not Talking Will Make Him Seem Smarter-- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, culture, humor, satire, society )

- 1462 days ago -
At a recent political stop in San Antonio, the newly minted Governor Perry was on display, wearing his glasses and gesticulating expressively while saying nothing for thirty minutes.****HUMOR***SATIRE***

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Kit B (276)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 8:56 am
Photograph: Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call/Getty

AUSTIN, Tex. (The Borowitz Report)—With an eye toward a Presidential run in 2016, Rick Perry, the Texas governor, is hoping that a two-pronged strategy of wearing glasses and not speaking will make him appear smarter to voters, aides to the Governor confirmed today.

“After the 2012 Republican primary, we knew that we needed to solve what we called the Governor’s smartness problem,” said Harland Dorrinson, an aide to Perry. “The fix that we came up with was glasses, but, as it turned out, that was only half the solution.”

After outfitting Perry with designer eyewear, aides sent him on the road to reintroduce himself to voters, but the response, Mr. Dorrinson said, was underwhelming: “The problem was, he was still talking.”

A round of focus groups convinced aides that only through a combination of wearing glasses and not emitting any sounds could Perry overcome voters’ initial impressions of him.

At a recent political stop in San Antonio, the newly minted Governor Perry was on display, wearing his glasses and gesticulating expressively while saying nothing for thirty minutes.

“Our focus groups show people no longer know what Rick Perry is thinking,” said Mr. Dorrinson. “That’s a huge improvement.”

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |


Arielle S (313)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 10:01 am
Well, I did say that Perry has the IQ of a brussel sprout but someone rightfully took exception to that - brussel sprouts are definitely smarter than Perry and do not deserve that comparison. In reality, I do not know what Perry is thinking now - nor do I care. (Andy scores again!!)

divergent revolution (309)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 10:12 am
this guy may be in jail soon
misappropriations abound

JL A (281)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 10:12 am
Well, given he has hired a defense lawyer (at taxpayer expense) for the grand jury investigation, AB gives us another reason he should exercise his right to remain silent. Thanks for the dose of AB Kit.

Deb E (63)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 10:35 am

Kit B (276)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 10:48 am

I just discovered that TC and I both posted Andy today. Some of you have read it twice or acknowledge this twice. Thanks.

pam w (139)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 10:51 am
Andy is SO smart and SO funny! Thanks, Kit.

Pat B (356)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 11:09 am
Andy is great! Ditto on JL's comment. Taxpayers expense too.!!

Angelika R (143)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 12:43 pm
I'll be happy to give some duct tape ! Thx.

Kit B (276)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 12:50 pm

I just wish he would remain silent. No, he is still yammering. Angelika, we just might take you up on that offer.

Carrie B (306)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 2:54 pm
The "not talking" part works for me!

Sheila D (194)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 4:12 pm
Maybe if they exchanged the regular glasses for 3-D ones it would go over better...Naw.
Arielle, you're right...brussel sprouts are decdedly more intelligent. Thanks Kit.

Lois Jordan (63)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 7:29 pm
Thanks for the smiles, Kit, I needed them today. And, I'd vote for Angelika's duct tape over Perry.

Laurie H (817)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 8:05 pm
OMG= Thanks so much for LOL dearest Kit!!!!! This just was a perfect "Belly Laugher!!!" I love the "Duct Tape" suggestion too Angie!!!!! Great combo going on here guys---just what the doctor ordered!!!! This "Perfect Clown" will bury himself before we know it---the morons usually do. Thanks SO MUCH Kit & Everyone & Happy Holidays!!!~~~

Janis K (127)
Saturday April 19, 2014, 8:56 pm
Thanks for the laughs Kit!

Louise D (44)
Sunday April 20, 2014, 11:45 am
Curiously it does make him look more like a congenital masturbator and if it wasn't for show tunes and his need to open his mouth regularly as he has not yet figured out how to breath through his nose, he shows is inherent stupidity to a level that Rick Santorum can not match, though Michele Bachmann has surpassed on many occasions.

Birgit W (160)
Sunday April 20, 2014, 2:10 pm
Noted, thanks.

Rosa Caldwell (384)
Sunday April 20, 2014, 6:14 pm
In my opinion there is nothing that can make Rick Perry smarter except if he was to leave office.

Debra G (0)
Sunday April 20, 2014, 7:34 pm
Wait, it was a 3-pronged strategy: glasses, not talking, and.....oooops.

Rose Becke (141)
Sunday April 20, 2014, 9:27 pm

Lloyd H (46)
Sunday April 20, 2014, 10:47 pm
Well it certainly too damn late for Perry to do anything. the point of keeping one's mouth shut is to avoid proving that one is stupid and there is and Entire Repug Primary Campaign on tape, audio and video, that already proves what few neurons Perry has are not on speaking terms with each other. And then there is AV media trail and paper trail of his tenure as Commandant of Texas that shows him for just what he is and what he stands for, and silence is not going to help one bit with any of that mess.

Thomas M (8)
Monday April 21, 2014, 7:03 am
Well, I have to say who elected the jackass? Whatever happened to voting for the candidate and not the party? Oh, I get it, maybe the candidate that ran against Perry was dumber? Not? Vote for the best candidate NOT the party.

Kit B (276)
Monday April 21, 2014, 7:55 am

People did for Bill White, Thomas. Not every election is what it seems.
Perry thinks he will be the next POTUS.

Charlene Rush (79)
Tuesday April 22, 2014, 3:25 pm
What a horrible joke, Governor Perry is.
He made such a fool of himself on the stage in the GOP debates, it was laughable.

To Thomas M.: It saddens me to say, but Texas speaks for itself. With the exception of a few areas, Texans are not the brightest bulbs on the tree. It isn't that some don't have any intelligence, it's just that they don't use it.

However, he can wear whatever glasses he chooses, but help will not come from them.
They live in the past and don't want it to change. Change frightens them and they enjoy breaking the rules, due to the size of their state, not the size of some other bodily parts. (I'm not talking about sex, here, !)

Laura H (964)
Tuesday April 22, 2014, 3:29 pm
The point is...ya can't fix STOOOPID.

Lynn Squance (235)
Friday May 2, 2014, 10:38 pm
Even when Perry is talking he isn`t saying anything, The glasses make him look older, certainly not wiser or more intelligent!

Stupid is as stupid does!

Jennifer H (4)
Monday May 12, 2014, 12:21 pm
I think it is a big improvement....the shutting up part any way. Nothing can help him. Problem is there still seems to be some people who do want to support him.
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