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Free My Mother From Nursing Home

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- 2151 days ago -
Dusty needs someone in Columbia MO to help her find a lawyer to do a 'pro bono' free investigation regarding the placement of her parents against their will into the Candlelight Lodge nursing facility. Details following in comments. Please respond.Thanks

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Katherine H (37)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 2:49 pm
You should start a petition. I'll sign. I can't donate or anything though

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 2:54 pm
These are the events that took place as to how mom & dad ended up in that place to begin with - - - - I was calling my mom & dad every Fri. or Sat. on the phone, but on a Thursday evening my mom called me to let me know that they would not be home over the weekend. They had been discussing about sizing down for over a year on their living enviroment and asked me how I felt about it. There were referring to possibly selling the HUGE house and getting a smaller one since it was just the two of them now. They had discussed buying a smaller house, renting or purchasing a condo and or possibly going into Assisted Living. They asked me how I felt about it and I told them that " they needed to do for them what they felt was best, that that wasn't my call and that I would support them in whatever decision they made. ". I had just been back home to Missouri to visit with them just two and a half months earlier where we had a one on one conversation where we discussed the Will, the house, the money, etc. They told me that I was to inherit the house and 3/4 of the money. It was then that I also asked them if they would like me to come home and help take care of them. They stated that they were okay right now and felt that they could still handle things on their own at which time I proceeded to remind them that I was here for them and that all that they have to do is say the word and I will be there. I am a very "Independant" person and my parents were to, so I didn't want to push myself into their world or lives until they were ready for me to be there. I was trying to be respectful of their space but I did let them know that when and if the time came where they did feel that they could use some extra help that I would leave Greensboro in a heart beat and be there. I had lived the 15yrs. here in Greensboro basically without putting any roots down or really making a home for myself or establishing any friends because I knew that they day would come when I would go back home to help my folks out and didn't want to make the transition any more difficult by making friends and then having to leave them behind. I had even left ALL OF MY OWN PERSONL BELONGINGS at my parents home in Missouri knowing I was eventually coming back to Missouri to stay. I PROMISED MY PARENTS THAT THEY WOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO INTO A NURSING that time and that they would be able to spend their final days in the home of their heart.
Well mom called me on a Thursday to tell me that they were gong to be going to this place to check it out. It was some kinda "Step Up" living enviroment where they had assisted living, a nursing home, and a palpative care center. In other words, they could start out in an Assisted Living and as their needs progressed, then they could move on further as need be. They told me that they were going to be allowed to come and stay there in a room over the weekend to see how they liked the place, the living enviroment, the people, the staff , etc. and then they could come back home and talk about it and let them know what they decide to do. Mom was going to call me on Sunday when they got back home. I didn't hear from her on Sunday and I didn't call them at that time as I figured that they must be tired and would probably call me the next day or I would call them. On Monday, I didn't hear from them again so on Tuesday I decided to call them. I got no one. On Wednesday I called - and got no one and this went on for almost FOUR WEEKS. They just disappeared off the face of the planet. I did not know the name of the place that they were going to so I couldn't call them. I called the police, the sherriffs dept., the highway patrol, and all three hospitals to see if they had been found or were there. I did this scene every day for almost four weeks not knowing if my parents were alive or dead, had been kidnapped or what. I thought that perhaps they may have gone down an embankment or something and no one could see them. I didn't know what to think. I was devastated and at a loss. There had been no reports of them to the sherriffs, police, highway patrol or surrounding hospitals. They just disappeared! Then about four weeks later I get a call and it was from my mom. She was crying and had a very shaky voice. I said, "mom, oh my god.....are you okay? I love you. Is dad okay? Are you both okay. Where you at? What's going on?" She said in a shaky voice to me..........."Oh, I've done something really stupid" ..... "I need you to come and get us out of here, I don't know what happened." I told her to explain to me what was going on and she told me about the weekend plans and all and that they had to sign a form for "Release of Liability" for them to be able to stay there a few days to see if they like the place so that if something happened to either one of them that they Nursing Home would not be sued. She couldn't read the forms very well as she needed new glasses so had someone else (I presume Marilyn) read them to her and then shoved the papers under mom to sign. Well either they switched the papers on her before she signed them or they read one set of papers to her and gave her another and she signed it. Well come to find out, there were COMMITMENT PAPERS. I am not clear here just what took place but dad was then put into a Facility called Boone Landing Retirement Home and mom was hoasted off to a Mental Ward for 30 days or so. I was talking to mom at the Mental Ward just about every day and asking her what was going on and she just seemed all distraught and tore up and didn't know what was going on. The cousin would bring dad there to see her every now and then. They were getting dad adusted and setteled into the place before they brought my mom there. I have no idea as to why nor did she. About 45 days later mom was reunited with my dad at the Facility but then after that they were shortly transferred to Candelight Lodge where at that time they were then put on two totally different Wards and Sections only allowed to see each other for short periods of time. This was a man and a women who had met during the bombing of Pearl Harbor and six months after the bombing they were married. They were stuck like glue to each other for 73yrs. and then they go and seperate them. Knowing how long they had bee together and how dependent they were upon each other I feared that this act of seperating them (in and of itself) would end up killing one of my parents and most likely my mom who had extremly high blood pressure. Well my dad "Suppossedly" caught phneumonia two months after they moved them in there and he died. I never got to say good-bye and was not even informed about the death. I had to find out over the computer. I was mad as I needed to be there to support my mom during this time as I feared that this would end up killing her as she would just give up and die and I KNOW that she was looking for me to come and wondered why I never showed up. I didn't know! I called the cousing Marilyn about it and was mad that no one so much as even considered that I would want to be there or didn't care that I wanted to be there. I told her that I was coming home and Marily told me not to bother as there would be no place for me as they had changed all of the locks on the doors of the house and I couldn't get in. You see, I had a key to the house just in case I came home and they weren't there for some reason and now they have changed the locks and furthmore had sold everything in the house and the house was up for sale. That killed the ideal that I would have anywhere to stay if I came back there as I couldn't afford a motel for who knows how long (weeks, months ???) on my little disability check and Marilyn knew this. She also informed me that there was no reason to come home as mom had severe dementia and alzheimers and wouldn't even know me. I don't think that Marilyn knew at that time that mom and I had been in contact and I said to Marilyn......."You mean to tell me that mom has developed severe dementia and alzheimers in a weeks time and since I last saw her 3 months or so ago?" She made some comment to me about just staying where I was and I called her a Bitch at which at that time Marilyn told me.."You will never see or talk to your mother again". I tried to call my mom a week later and was then informend that there had been some orders took out (at least that's what the Nursing Home said) stating that I was to have no contact with my mom and that if they allowed me to talk with her that the Nursing home could be sued. I told them that if they didn't let me talk to my mom that they will be sued so I have tried every way I know possible ever since then to find out some information or to get some help with this. When I did talk to Legal Aid about this, they stated that it sounded like someone had their hand in the till and that they would love to represent me as it appears that they has been some legal trickery going on here but that they couldn't go intrastate and that I would have to get an attorney back in Columbia Missouri where my parents were at. I had neither the money to move back to Missouri nor to pay for a motel or an attorney. This is why I need some help from someone.......T.V. , Newspapers, or someone. My mother might be happy and setteled in where she is at and has made some friends there but I want to hear it from her. Whatever she wants but I still do not believe that she should be denighed the right to see here children.
I have been told that I have to obtain an Attorney in Missouri but I have no money to do so. I need someone who knows someone that might be involved with a newspaper, T.V. News, etc. that might be willing to take the story and print it or do a story on this to bring the situation into the lime light where an Attorney might be willing to boost his career on this story or who is financially stable and would be able to take the case pro-bono until such time as we can win this case at which point in time there would be finances available to pay for the attorney fees.

Tim C (2420)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 3:06 pm

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 3:15 pm
I am not at this point considering supplying a petition for this cause as I do not have a complaint against the Nursing Home as I believe that they are taking very good care of my mother, so my problem is not with them BUT I feel that the Nursing Home is merely following the orders given to them by my cousin Marilyn Hartung to keep me from having any form of contact with my mother and the Nursing Homes fears a lawsuit if they do not comply by my cousins wishes.

RosemaryRannes H (650)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 3:16 pm
Dusty we all care so much about you and love you !
Your / my / our friends will do everything possible to find you a lawyer to pursue this issue so that you will ultimately be able to have access to visit your mom and have her rights and your rights restored as they should have been from the very beginning.
I stand by you and with you 1000000% my dear friend *_*

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 3:17 pm
Even tho this is my mother this is not so much about my mother being placed in there against her wishes so much as this is a blatent violation of her human rights and her right to die with dignity and with the daughter that she loves and a daughter who promised that she would NEVER go into a Nursing Home just two months prior to her being tricked into the Nursing Home.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 3:42 pm
Please feel free to forward my phone number onto anyone that you feel can be of help with this situation (336-851-0545) and my personal e-mail
address of Dusty Debandi as well. Thank you!

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 3:44 pm
I wish to thank Rosemary R. for helping me in the submission of this story as I am no longer visually impaired but I have now graduated to being "Legally Blind" now so this is extremly difficult for me. THANK YOU ROSEMARY........I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND!

Barb K (1684)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 4:32 pm
I ''Liked'' your FB page and will send up prayers for your Mother and your family Dusty. I'm sorry but I don't know of anyone who can help you other than GOD/JESUS. Hang in there Dusty, we LOVE U HUN!

RosemaryRannes H (650)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 5:42 pm
Sending a Green Star is a simple way to say "Thank you"
You cannot currently send a star to Dusty because you have done so within the last week.

Dandelion G (367)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 6:33 pm
I am so sorry this has happened and that you must endure all of this. To not even have photos, so it must be at least a treasure to have seen her even this way. I do not know how these things are allowed to happen, I do know that many deceitful things happen in this Country in one form or another. Greed is a terrible thing and it would appear the cousin wanted to have control and maybe ultimately be rewarded for her efforts in all of this.

I wish I had some kind of pull, connections, or whatever to help you in this situation, but unfortunately I do not. I will however forward this story along in hopes that someone more qualified can help you in this matter. Until I keep you always in my prayers for your Highest and Best. May this work out for you and very soon Dusty.

AWAY AWHILE Cal Mendelsohn (1087)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 7:11 pm
My only thought is that you should contact all local media organizations in the local area this is happening in and start the exposure of it at the local level. It doesn't seem like something that national media will be the first to pick up on.

Carol H (229)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 7:11 pm
noted and tweeted. my prayers to you!!

Barbara W (342)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 7:34 pm
Dusty find out if there's a power of attorney or some other court order that's been taken out on your mom giving Marilyn control. Your mom may have inadvertently signed something giving up her rights. The court would have to tell you.

Send me what you can get your hands on as far as information to: Subject line: Dusty from Care2..

I can't promise anything but I will certainly do some research if I have something to go on and see what your rights are in this situation.. If she gave up her rights then you will have to petition the court so your side can be heard..You don't necessarily need an attorney to do this as you can petition the court as proper person.. you may, however, need help filling out the forms..
This link gives you some insight to the laws under Missouri law..You can do a further search using "Guardians and Conservators Under Missouri Law", Also how to challenge the party who has this control..

Guardians and Conservators Under Missouri Law

RosemaryRannes H (650)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 7:56 pm
Dusty Cal is right and i looked up some newspapers in Columbia, Mo for you hoping this info will help.

Columbia Daily Tribune

The newsroom address and phone number:

Columbia Daily Tribune
101 North 4th Street
Columbia, MO 65201
P.O. Box 798
Columbia, MO 65205

Phone: (573) 815-1700
Fax: (573) 815-1701

The Columbia Missourian

KOMU.COM Social Media

Dusty prayers are rising for you as always . . . . . . .
i also 'echo' Dandelion's heartfelt message & prayers.
p.s. Dandelion helped me learn how to highlight the links to share & i am always grateful for her help.


RosemaryRannes H (650)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 7:59 pm
Sending a Green Star is a simple way to say "Thank you"
You cannot currently send a star to Barbara because you have done so within the last week.
Dusty sorry but i just really appreciate Barbara's guidance and resources to help you !

Kathy Javens (104)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 9:14 pm
Noted. Dusty, I will do some computer surfing to see what I can find for you. I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. Hugs my friend.....Kathy.

Ingrid A (524)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 10:00 pm
You're both in my prayers too Dusty. Going to share. Thank you Dandelion.

Kathy Chadwell (354)
Tuesday February 28, 2012, 10:27 pm
Barbara is correct, if there is no power of attorney then it should fall to the next of kin.
Does you mother want out of the nursing home?
A cheap thing to do is call the police and see if a crime has been committed if she wants out.

kathy P (483)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 12:24 am
Gods speed to get your mother out of this home. You and your mother and family are in my prayers. God will give you guidance.

Darlene W (303)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 4:44 am
Prayers and blessings sent your way for you all to be together. Only wish I could do more. Peace and love.

Carmen S (617)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 6:29 am
This is so sad, my thoughts and prayers are with you Dusty, and hope you can get the help you need to take care of your mother.

Lone W (1428)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 8:33 am
i'm very sorry Dusty sent on

Suzy F (94)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 8:42 am
Dusty, I'm hoping someone here or on Facebook knows what to do. My prayers are with you.

Bob hardly here P (396)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 8:52 am
Hope you find the help you need in this matter Dusty

Michela M (3964)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 9:07 am
very sad

Kristina C (73)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 9:29 am
family issues - very difficult. I wish you good luck.

Suzy F (94)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 9:41 am
It has been suggested you contact the ACLU.

Vallee R (280)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 10:42 am
Dusty - that's horrible - - some good references are here for you!

LaurenBackSoon Kozen (173)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 1:06 pm
Noted. You are in my prayers Dusty. Thanks for sharing.

Tim C (2420)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 1:37 pm

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 1:55 pm
i WISH TO THANK EVERY ONE THAT NOTED AND FORWARDED THIS STORY. I NEED IT TO GET OUT SO THAT SOMEONE MIGHT BE WILLING TO TAKE THE STORY AND PUBLISH IT OR RUN IT ON T.V. OR SOMETHING. THE STORY IS ALSO ON FACEBOOK AND I NEED 30 "like" FOR IT TO MOVE TO A DIFFERENT CATEGORY. Not sure I undertand but will hopefully be able to figure it out when it happens. My mother is running out of time AGE wise and I do want to be able to put my arms around her before she passes away.
The last time that I actually carried on a conversation with her for any length of time she was begging me to get her out of there. That was in 2008. I do not know today if she is happy and content there and has made some friends that she would not want to leave behind but I NEED TO HEAR THIS FROM HER. I just want her happy whatever she chooses but I should be allowed to at least talk with her and possibly visit her. The house was willed to me as well as 3/4ths of the money but Marilyn Hartung sold the house and everything that also belonged to me. Also, I had been granted the sum of $26,000 for a breast implant lawsuit for which was sent to my parents so that they could put it into one of their accounts drawing a higher interest rate so some of that money that is being kept from me is mine........even without my parents money. I would need that money to take care of my mother that was willed to me and what was obtained from the selling of the house to provide my mother with 24hr. care here at home and NOT in a Nursing Home unless of course she would rather stay in the home now. Like I said, it is whatever she wants but I want to hear it from her.
Like I've said before, I have great difficulty when it comes to the computer as I am now blind and using visual aids that all to often do not work in many sites so I am at a disadvantage.
Anyone wishing to het ahold of me can reach me at 336-851-0545 or my personal e-mail address of Dusty Debandi

Veronica C (24)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 1:55 pm
I'm not on Facebook and I do not know of legal help, but I certainly wish the best for your family. This is a terrible situation.

Bill C (353)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 2:10 pm
I do not believe the majority of what is posted, I am well versed in committment law, adult home placement, committment and financial division of assets, I am a professional in the field and took care of my Mom with AD and sat everyday with her for 2 months when she passed after 5 yr of home care.

I am very disabled, can't walk and unable to work for 10 yrs but I did what a good son does.

How can anyone think their parents may be in a ditch or dead and not get there?

I have seen many familes dump parents in resthomes just waiting for the assets after death but they foolishly did not read the laws and got nothing. Look up division of assetts

If you wish to care for your parents and can do so, there is not much that would stop me; what is stopping you? I am also on SSDI and broke, I would find a way.

Something is very wrong with this story IMO. Plus you can not be committed to a rest home, you can give medical and financial POA to another and if you believe that power is being abused call the DA and the Ombudsan or the POSTED independent patient advocate for the facility.

If this is about inheritance, I dare say perpare for probate court,.

Ra Sc (8)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 2:32 pm
This is a really sad story. It sounds like the cousin forced the parents into a home against their will and the will of their daughter, and then stole the house and possessions.

Wednesday February 29, 2012, 2:42 pm
This is a very sad state of affairs, how can someone who is not an immediate family member do this, they would not obviously be listed as their next of kin. As far as I am concerned they should be prosecuted for fraud and theft, and everything should be returned to this couple, that is if the house and possessions have not already been sold.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 2:44 pm
Bill C. = I do not give a rats ass what you believe. I have neighbors who lived next to my parents, an aid from the Nursing Home, phone bills to proove constant contact with my parents and witnesses. I have NOT asked for a dime from anyone here....merely that they pass the word around in the hopes that a T.V. station or a newspaper would pick up the story KNOWING that if they did they would REQUIRE PROOF of what I say and would check it out before putting their name on the story.

As far as an inheritance is concerned....yes, I was suppossed to inherit the house and 3/4ths of the money but I told my cousin that I did not give a rats ass about the money-to keep the damn money.....just give me my mother. But I also want you to know that $26,000 of their money was technically MY money that I won in a lawsuit against Dow Corning and it is mine.

As far as your comment that nothing would keep you from being at your families side goes.....when this all took place I no longer had a car. It is hard to walk 983 miles. I was planning on going there to help my family out and was planning on staying in the house (being that I had a house key) until I found out that the cousin had changed the locks and told me that I couldn't stay in the house even tho after telling mom about it and her telling Marilyn to let me in - Marilyn wouldn't do it. Now I was going to have to figure out how to pay for the trip and stay in a motel every night and try to find an attorney also on my little bitty disability check. How was I suppossed to do that being that once I went to Missouri, I would end up losing my Disability check and would have to re-apply and we all know that they do not give a disability check to the homeless. How was I suppossed to pay for all of this with no money? Was I suppossed to prostitute myself - would that have made YOU happy?

Now add to all of this that I was currently going thru chemotherapy & radiation and had also just had a severe stroke that I was rehabilitating from and there are people on here at Care2 that personally KNOW me and know this to be true. One of the ladies commenting on this story actually came and stayed with me a few days when she was moving from Maine to Florida.

Maybe you are a liar but I am not so get over yourself.

Lydia S (155)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 2:59 pm
Dusty , Can out reach out to a local Legal Aid office ?
Also perhaps call your local Congressman's office , State assemblyman ,
Sometimes its the squeaky wheel that gets grease , My prayers are w/ you .
Be well through this .

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:00 pm
Bill C. = I see you live in Southern Pines N.C. Come by and visit me sometime as I live in an Elderly Assisted Living Facility known as GardenGate Apt. in Greensboro, N.C. and not because I am elderly but due to the level of my disability. I have been here since I was 42yrs. old. I am now 54yrs. old. This way you can see for yourself and I can also PERSONALLY show you some of the PROOF that I have being that you are so skeptical.

I have been on Care2 for many years and there are many here that know me. I had a story up about a year ago regarding my dog Kiwi who had to have surgery at NCSU Vets for which everyone came to the rescue and paid for her three surgeries. NO ONE, and I repeat NO ONE lost a dime to me and in fact......I was the whistle blower to alerting care2 of a scam that was going on and helped them to get the information that they needed to get their money back KNOWING that once I alerted care2 of the scam that was going on that it would greatly effect and hurt my own donations to my pup Kiwi's Surgery (and it did) but I felt that the truth had to be told and care2 memebers alerted even if it did effect my own personal donations made to me. I believe that they call it......INTEGRITY, which obviously you know nothing about or you would have kept your cruel comments to yourself.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:02 pm

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:07 pm
lYDIA = I went to Legal Aid here and they also told me that I would have to go to Missouri to obtain an Attorney. I then took the $500.00 that the next door neighbor who lived next to my parents had sent to me to get an Attorney and went and talked with an Attorney who told me that regardless of the money (which $500 would not even begin to cover) they could not travel intrastate and that I would have to get an Attorney back in Missouri.

Rita De Vos (87)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:09 pm
What a horrible & sad story Dusty :( It's almost unblievable that such things can happen! I pray for you and your Mom and I hope and wish from the bottom of my heart that you will find the necessary help to set this situation straight. Dear Dusty, I'm sending lots of Positive & Loving thoughts & energy to you to support you.

Jenny Dooley (830)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:25 pm
I'm with you, Dusty.
The response here has been awesome...hopefully you'll be able to take steps now, and your neighbourhood/community gets behind this fight too.

Jenny Dooley (830)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:27 pm
Promoted this in human rights group here in CAre2: Slavery Today, also tweeted.

Vivien Green (153)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 3:30 pm
Noted thank you Dusty and to thubten for the heads up.
Have shared this on Fb.

Judy C (97)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 4:56 pm
Sorry to hear of all this, Dusty. Have you contacted the Missouri Bar Association? They have lots of info, and may be able to help you. Their contact info:

The Missouri Bar
326 Monroe
P.O. Box 119
Jefferson City, MO 65102-0119
Phone: (573) 635-4128
Fax: (573) 635-2811


Have you tried the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)?

Complaint counselors take calls on a varying schedule at (314) 652-3111 and can provide an initial idea of whether the ACLU can help you. Tell them of your disabilty right away, because they may have special ways of helping you, especially if you need to file a complaint form.

American Civil Liberties Union of Eastern Missouri
Legal Intake Department
454 Whittier Street
St. Louis, MO 63108

Lydia S (155)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 5:22 pm
Hi Dusty , Sorry I have no idea how Legal Aid works , Hope I never need to !
I will try to look up some resources , Not on Facebook though , Gods Blessing to you .

Michael C (218)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 5:47 pm
Noted...I wish you all the luck you need to get this straightened out...

Rose Becke (141)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 5:48 pm
So sorry to hear this dusty

Jill P (64)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 6:51 pm
Try these programs.
The Missouri Bar Association
Free Legal Aid Missouri
Also do a search through Start for "Missouri Legal aid". I found a few legal aid agencies and sites.
Missouri Departmen of health and Senior Services Ombudsman Program
The Ombudsman, while having no power at all, may have some information to help you. You sometimes have to push these organizations a little.
Hopefully these will help you. I hope they are better programs and people than Georgia or Florida is.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 7:02 pm
Bill C. = Personally I do not have to give you any of my Medical Information but if you have read any of what is written I have already mentioned that I have cancer, have had two strokes and am blind. What more do you need to know and these are just a FEW of my medical ailments. Fortunately being Mentally ill is NOT one of them.

Now you mention how could I not know about POA, Living Wills, etc. Who said that I didn't know but we are not discussing a Living will, we are discussing freeing my mom from a Nursing Home.

Being that you are so bright I would think that you would know what the word slander means as even I know what that means and that is saying something that is not true and spreading it around. What I speek is the truth but I would welcom being charged with slander or whatever because then at least I would get a free attorney and be able to present my case as to how all of this came about to open up an investigation. And I seriously doubt that as much money as my mom is paying to that place that they will kick her out of there. Very few can afford that kind of money and I am well aware that neither Medicare/Medicaide nor Veterans Benefits are accepted. To answer your question about being an E.M.T., I was one at a very early age and only for a few short years until I went into the Military and while you were sitting on your ass listening to people cry the woes and writing scripts...........I was over yonder fighting for this Country and for your right to run you mouth for which I dedicated 8yrs. of my life to before getting hit with mortar round spray and getting injured.


As far as the Nursing home getting their attorney on me.........there is no reason for them to get their attorneys on me as I have said nothing against the nursing home. In fact, I stated that they were taking very good care of her and were probably just taking orders from my cousin Marilyn...or did you even bother to read the post or the comments?

You obviously had the money to help take care of your mom being that you were suppossedly in Psychiatry for 30yrs. and were able to pay off the house and the farm. I'm not fortunate to be able to have a house as I was young when I got disabled in the Military so didn't get much of a chance to pay into Social Security in order to have a decent check nor did I get to work after I became disabled much less 30yrs. I would think that being that you are such an educated man that you would have had enough sence to put money back into an escro, Ira, stocks, bonds or something so that when and if you did get disabled you would have something to show for it but you suppossedly are as broke as I am.

I could care less about the inheritance but would need that money in order to pay for my moms in-home care with me. I live simple and want for very little as I am content with what I have except when it comes to needing money to get an attorney to help my mom.

Just before my mom and dad were tricked into that Nursing home by the cousin my parents were willing to pay my handicap van off for me and I turned it down stating that I signed on the papers to take the responsibility for that Van and I will take the responsibility for the van. I was NOT able to continue to make the payments and instead of taking my parents money.....I called up the loan people and told them to come and get it. Now does that sound like someone who cares about the inheritance money to you. The $8300 a month that it is costing to keep my mom in that nursing home would go a long way for In-Home care in the comfort of her OWN place or a house that we both share or I could move her in here with me at the Elderly Facility that I am at.

So, I am thru talking with you as you have nothing I care to hear and if you had read the story you would know a lot of the answers to the comments that you make.

Julia R (295)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 7:03 pm
Dusty I'm so sorry to hear this! I wish I could do something to help you with this matter. It sounds like you had your parents best interest in mind but unfortunately have very unprincipled cousins. I do hope that you will be able to see and spend time with your mother. People can be unwittingly duped into signing commitment papers by others especially if they trust someone else which sounds like what happened here- your mother being a very righteous person herself trusting your cousin and then being deceived by her. It also sounds like your cousin got her to sign a power of attorney which is probably why you aren't being permitted to visit her in this nursing home because your cousin has expressed her wishes not to allow you to do so. I would try to contact the Attorney General's office and also law enforcement there to file a complaint against your cousin and inform them of the conversation that you had with your mother about this matter. Hopefully these contacts might be of some help to you. I would also try to contact the Legal Aid Society in your area. Wishing you the best Dusty! My prayers are with you.
Attorney General's Office (get complaint forms)
Department of Health and Senior Services

Elder Abuse Hotline: 800-392-0210
Investigates reports of abuse, neglect or financial exploitation.

RosemaryRannes H (650)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 8:06 pm
Friends I have known Dusty for a few years and I know she is an honest, sincere, compassionate, caring human being who has advocated on behalf of her friends on Care2 and on behalf of animals in need.
I am happy to see so much support from eveyone with your prayers for Dusty and her Mom.
To Bill C. I can only say this: your personal attacks against her are completely unfounded and malicious.

As we continue to offer our love to Dusty who as we all know served courageously and proudly in the U.S. Army defending the freedoms of others, let us all just stay focused on assisting Dusty to be reunited with her Mom and to have both their civil rights restored.
Thank you dear friends.

Past Member (0)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 8:52 pm
I used to visit good nursing homes with a church group of that time.
We visited those who wanted to see us from bed to bed and on
Sunday nights we would take them services of old beloved hymns.

It was scarey for us oldsters.

Electra Cy (1005)
Wednesday February 29, 2012, 10:14 pm

You said they had a Will giving you the house, etc.... Where's the Will? Do you know the name of the Attorneys that drafted it. They should have a copy. It is a legally binding instrument. If you can get a copy of it, and you should be able to, then you will be able to prove that your cousin had no right to do this to your family. You can have them removed, but you will have to file paperwork with the courts, after you prove that the home is your inheritance. The Attorney may be able to help you, or may know someone who can.

Take a copy of the Will to the D.A's office. Scan or fax, only the facts to them. If you are too emotional they may not take you seriously. Was your cousin included in the Will? If not, it will send out red flags on its own. Keep a copy of the Will. You could possibly send copies "Certified, with a return receipt."

Forms to file can usually be found on the internet. You should contact the Office of the Victims Advocacy in Missouri, they may be able to help as well.

This is actually more common than you might think it is. :(
Probate Attorneys see this quite often, and personal experience leads me to believe that I should give you the benefit of the doubt.

There's a lot of good info in the posts. Good luck! :(

Sorry I can't do anything more. You should flag your post that has your phone number, and contact Eric. Have it removed before the trolls find it. Message anyone who wants it.

HUGZ ~ Electra

Quanta Kiran (67)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 2:34 am

Ellen m (215)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 6:11 am
Dusty, I am so sorry that you are going through all this, but as was stated already this sort of thing happens more than most people know.
I have known it to happen in my own family to one extent or another twice.

I pray that you are able to get some sense of justice for yourself and your mother as soon as possible. 1love

liz c (827)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 8:11 am
Dusty--I am very sorry about the situation with your Mother. I pray that it all works out. I do not know of any resources that could help you as I live in Canada. Do not get sucked into bill c. bullshit----he does it to stir the pot and upset you---and he is REALLY good at it. He knows EVERYTHING----please dont even waste your time reacting to him--he is a lost cause and a complete idiot.........Good luck to you....

Dusty Debandi (113)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 8:53 am
Tlectra - I never got to see a Will when I was there in Missouri visiting just two months before all of this went down. While I was there visiting my parents informed me about the will and that I was to inherite the house and 3/4ths of the money and that due to the fact that their previous Attorney of about 30yrs. had passed away that they were going to be getting another attorney. That when Marla Groatoff came into the picture. I had talked with Marla G. on 3-4 occassions and she also informed me that I herited the house as well and that my parents also wanted her to send me $250 a month towards the payments on my new Handicap Van (the amount that I was financially short each month) as there was also $26,000 of MY money in the account. Marla agreed to do so and did send me 2-3 checks as instructed by my parents (and I still have a copy of those checks in my files as it was being paid from the Attorneys Business Account) but then the 4th month, all checks stopped and I ended up losing my Van not to mention my "GOOD" credit. Apparently Marla G. and Marilyn H. (my cousin) became friends and to tell you the truth, I am not all that sure that they were not in kahoots together on all of this. After talking to Marilyn H. and me calling her a Bitch for not letting me know that my father had passed away.....Marilyn then told me that I would never see or talk to my mother again because she got mad that I called her a Bitch. Well excuse me, I was upset about not having been told about my fathers passing and having to find out over the computer. Duh! I then tried to call the Attorney Marla G. at which time I found that the phone number (which apparently had been a cell phone and not a business phone) had been now I didn't even have any way to contact the Attorney either. I would try the number off and on for months and still would get the same message. From my understanding now after having googled Marla's name into the search bar is that she is disabled/in a wheel chair and no longer practicing. So I don't even know where to go from here or who to contact about the will. The home was sold 2-3 yrs. ago and I didn't even know it. A friend found out about it for me over the internet bringing the printed copies of everyhing that had been auctioned off. I never even stood a chance. If I remove my phone number how will anyone who wishes to contact me with help such as a Newpaper, T.V.Stations, etc. be able to get a hold of me?

Liz = Ditto on your message. For a so called Phychialtrist, he seem to have some mental issues. Ha!

Thanks everyone for your suggesstions and information. I have saved every bit of it to a folder on my mom so I don't lose it.

Kerrie G (118)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 9:58 am
Noted, thanks.

liz c (827)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 10:16 am
Oh is he also a psychiatrist??????//LMFAO

liz c (827)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 10:16 am
I HOPE that he is a patient--but a Doctor?????????????????????LOL

Mariea G (14)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 1:12 pm
Hang in there, Dusty. I am sure something of value to help you and your mother will show up for you. We are all with you... well, almost all! Please disregard completely ANYTHING that "Bill C" says. My mother used to say: "You can't argue with a wall." So just let his words die from lack of attention as soon as they leave his lips (or his fingers, as in the case here). :-) All love to you and your mother, dear one.

Phyllis P (251)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 1:41 pm
OMG....what a extreme travesty. I am with Cal. I would contact any media you can and tell them your story. Someone or some organization will help you. How ironically bizarre, your parents are doing fine living in their own home, then move into this facility and your father passes. Then all of the sudden your mother dementia. I would be fucking somebody up right now. Keep reaching out, call some people, and don't give up. Dateline, 20/20, etc

Catherine Turley (192)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 3:01 pm
i'm late to the party and it looks like everybody has done the research. hope kiwi is still ok and the cart is working out.

marie C (163)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 5:02 pm
Keep your chin up girl you have been through so much its yet another hurdle in your life It looks like a lot of your American brothers and sisters have all the addresses and info which hopefully will help you.When things are bad tell yourself they can only get better
In London England we have a saying maybe you have it in USA WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER ONE OPENS you are in my prayers

Bill C (353)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 5:11 pm
Fact is your mother is not being held she either signed the POA over for reasons your not saying or your not real honest.

You also type well for one who is blind, it is clear your not using an auto voice type as your spelling is as bad as mine. I have a motor impairment and have a voice program I rarely use

Seems you read pretty well for a blind person also, thats amazing

I am a realist and there is a reason you are not living with family when your so impaired. I do nto wish you any dificulty I just do not believe you. Since you have no money by your own statement your bill is paid by the taxpayers and I am fine with that but do wonder why care is not being given where you would be close to family

Just seens a bit odd

You will reap the rewards of your actions be they positive or negative, I as sorry your ill; and if all believe your speaking the truth please keep this thread updated to allow all to see what happens.


Bill C (353)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 5:27 pm
also how is it your looking to get a handicapp van when your blind?

Unless you can drive it to insure it NC law says you can't register it, get plates or coverage.

Just curious and apparently not as naive as many or do you pay a driver and if so how can you with zero money?

You image of your Mom is such she looks content

Dusty Debandi (113)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 6:46 pm
Bill C. - For a "So-called Psychiatrist" you are not very bright. If you had read the post like I keep telling you to do instead of just flapping your jaws you would have see that the date was back in 2008 (four years ago) when I had that van and my vision was well within the 20/50 guidelines to keep my licence at that time. I use "Text-To-Speech" recognition where I talk into a mic. and it types what I speek into it and then it also reads to me thru my headphones what is written in front of me. If there are any mispellings then it is because the mic. has a hard time understanding my speech because of my stoke. By the way, how can you in one sentence say that "I type well for someone who is blind and in the next sentence complain that my spelling is bad" What a contradiction. Are you sure that you don't have Multiple Personalities?

And just for the record....I had a car for quit some time and was not driving it. The taxes that you paid for supplied an In Home Aid for me who ran me to Doctors Appointments, Grocery Stores, the bank, etc. as they could not use their own vehicle as the company would not cover any situation that might arise with their Insurance.

I had to come to N.C. because of Duke Medical Center and after traveling back and forth from Durham, N.C. to Missouri I finally decided that it was more cost effective for me to move here until such time as my treatments were over with. They never were. My mother wanted me to come back home but I was against it because I knew that she would try to take care of me and if anyone was going to take care of would be ME taking care of them...not the other way around. I was not going to put my parents thru that.

Excuse me if I have to laugh at your comment about being a realist as I see you as nothing more than a beligerant, assinine, idiot. It's hard to even fantom the thought of you being a Psychiatrist as you lack empathy, compassion and I wouldn't pay you 2cents for your services. Frankly, I am beginning to wonder if it is YOU who is living in a fairy tale and playing games. You definately lack integrity. You have done nothing but verbally attack me thruout this whole thread and you do not even know my. How can you sit there and keep attacking someone who is asking for nothing from anyone except spreading the word and information. You are nothing more than a narcistic poor excuse for a human being.

Dandelion G (367)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 7:13 pm
Bill...I think if you feel that Dusty is not truth telling, you have brought out enough. However, if you are wrong and this woman is speaking truth, she is obviously hurting concerning this issue. Your further, "sticking" it to her serves no further purpose but to hurt an already hurting person. This does not serve anyone any good, is not of comfort to a C2 member or a sister of spirit.

She has asked only for a bit of advice in the direction to go with this. She has offered to provide proof to any of whom may ask. I suggest you do as you stated, that if there are updates she can provide them from any lead that others have provided to her. If we can not help an individual then I say stand aside and do no harm. There are plenty of threads that you can venture off to, that maybe you can better assist, or your offerings are better received.

I do understand that the internet can be abused by some people, there is right to be cautious, but to banter on a thread of someone who is crying about their Mother is not a place to further this. You have made mention of it, she has tried to clarify to you, is willing to even meet with you to "prove" whatever it is you may question. I suggest you either take her up on her offer, then you can come back onto the thread to say you met with her and state your findings, or I would just drop it and move along.

She is asking for information, you either have it or you do not. What are words on this story going to do to any of us if they are true or not. If you are suspect of wrong doing, move along, if not, offer what you can. Is simple as that, but to badger offers no benefits to anyone.

Let us be kinder to one another..... There is enough heartache in the world. Remember this website we all came onto is CARE let us all do a bit more caring, or move along.

Iona Kentwell (129)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 11:20 pm
This is a heartbreaking story. i can't imagine not being able to talk to my mum for so long. I hope your mum is ok Dusty and you work it out so you can be with her and find out for yourself what she needs and wants. Good luck to you.

Vicynthia Tjahjadi (57)
Thursday March 1, 2012, 11:40 pm
Dusty, so sorry to hear your story and I don't know what to do to help but praying for you. Added one like to FB. Noted.

Shirley S (187)
Friday March 2, 2012, 12:20 am
Noted with interest & concern

Bill C (353)
Friday March 2, 2012, 8:23 am
Clearly one of the most unwise actions anyone can take is to place personal family issues on the open and very public Internet.

A few realities NC has a FREE lawyer assistance program, in fact today there is an open line with an 800 number posted on WRAL for free legal advice all day. We have many law schools that provide free services.

I know Duke well I have degrees from them and they have a free legal advice in the law school, so why are you using social boards?

I do not believe the story as is told, seems to be allot of make it up as you go. I have no doubt you love your parents but I see your words and trust my gut, this is about money

Where you or anyone decided I was a psychiatrist is beyond me, what that proves is people like Liz also make crap up, ass-u-me and you believe them to use it to abuse. I have never made such a statement. I am a clinical psychiatric nurse specialist, masters level. I am medically retired, I was responsible for 3 counties out of 100 in NC for care of the seriously mentally ill. I set up free meal programs and fed over 1/4 million meals in my last ten yrs of service to the homeless mentally ill. My social rehab programs were ranked in the top 3% of the worlds by IPRAS.

You have no clue what empathy and compassion are in the real world;

You may manipulate others and tug at heart strings to gain for you but your not doing it for anyone else and I am not biting as it is presented.

If your so confident you correct shall we send this thread to the State Medical Examiner, State Facility Services and the rest home since they are apparently holding your parents against legal freedom? I can 100% guarantee the state medical examiner will not take a claim of essential illegal imprisonment lightly.

If what you say is true have you contacted the NC Attorney Generals off\ice? They will contact other states but would also prosecute you if the information is embellished

I am severely disabled with a neuro motor disease, it has no cure but I will be damned if I will use that to manipulate others and this is not the first time the poster has hit social boards for help, last time was money to pay vet bills.

Sorry but in the real world it requires honesty to get help and may I ask to those who say they know the poster so well, have you met her? Spent say a month around her? If not you only know what your told and you get warned over and over and over about how foolish that is. There is a reason not being told as to the reality of this issue and when that happens in the elder population with family you can bet money is the issue.

I speak with plain words and have seen it too much in 30+ yrs in the field to not defer to when it walks like a duck, has big flat feet and quacks....its a duck.

I do not know if any value green stars but for some reason I have got a bunch from this thread, even some from people who express their compassion here and I know not 1 of them. It just is illogical to claim you need to "free" a parent from a rest care facility they agreed to move to, they can move out just as quickly unless they have been adjucated incompetent or signed over POA to a guardian or one they trust to care for their needs. I know I am the medical POA for my Dad and was for my Mom

I have no ill will to the poster but I do the manipulation

Dusty Debandi (113)
Friday March 2, 2012, 8:49 am
In your own words, "I will tell; you this, I have been on both sides of the coin; I worked in psychiatry for over 30yrs" so you do the math where people came up with this.

And as far as your creddentials go....whoop di whoop di whoop!

If you don't have anything constructive to add, leave me alone.

You know, I just came back to Care2 after leaving it for this very reason as I was tired of being verbally abused by people like you.

N.C. Lawyers, free or paid cannot help me. Been there, done that is they cannot represent me intrastate. They all say the same thing in that I would have to obtain an Attorney in Missouri. I do not have any money to obtain an attorney so I have gone viral in the hopes that someone has some kind of connections to a Newspaper or people that they know at a T.V. station who might be willing to print the story or show the story so that someone who sees it might be willing to represent me. I am doing that very best that I can. Please, please leave me alone.

I am also tired of repeating myself so if you will read the damn story in it's will get the answers that you seek.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Friday March 2, 2012, 12:40 pm
Yes, I posted to raise money for my dog Kiwi and all of the donations were made directly to NCSU Vet in a Kiwi Debandi fund so that no money would come to me. Many people called the Vets to varify the story and I wanted them to do so. There are a couple of people on this thred that have actually met me and one lady even stayed with me a few days and when I talked with her on the phone about what was going on with you bullying my and she read your comments, she said that she had no problem in defending me but that she didn't need you bullying her also. She is well respected here on care2.

There is NO FUCKING MANIPULATION GOING ON HERE and I have just finished contacting the Columbia Daily Tribune with my story in Columbia Missouri.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Friday March 2, 2012, 12:45 pm
Will those of you who know me and some of you who even know me personally as well as donated to my Kiwi cause and know the truth about me and all of this FLAG this guy....please. I have flagged him and reported him to care 2 support but this idiot just will not stop. I am sick of this.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Friday March 2, 2012, 2:16 pm
These comments are already posted on the Candelight Lodge Page on FB and feel free to contact the NC Attorney Generals office for me. You have my information and they can read the story on FB also as well as on the Candelight Lodges Page on Facebook. Maybe then I could get some help with all of this. I already contacted N.C. Free Lawyers assistance with this and they told me the same thing as Legal Aid....that I would have to go back to Missouri to do anything about this.
I am fighting for my right to see my mother who is in her 90's and probably will not be around much longer. Do you really want to deprive or play a part in depriving a mother the right to see her daughter......just in case you are wrong about me? I mean, really!!!!!
Of course I have mentioned the Nursing Homes name, my cousins name as well as the Attorney that was involved in all of this in the hopes that it will cause a stink and will get some recognition KNOWING that if I falsefied any information that I could be charged. I also contacted the Columbia Daily Tribune today with the story as well.

You say that I have no compassion or empathy but look at yourself. What if you are wrong and you are blocking any possible chance of me getting the help that I need with this. You are holding two lives in your hands....mine and my mothers. Can you live with that on you compassionate and empathetic heart?

I donated $100 to Journey's End Ranch, I've donated $50 to the Tennessee Bloodhound Rescue, and I've donated to several individuals here on care2 since I came onto care2 in 2008 and all of that on my little bitty disability check. Don't tell me about compassion. I've risked incarceration twice rescueing two different dogs (kiwi is one of them) and have saved countless many other animals over the many years by going an adopting them from the Humane Society when they were to be put down to buy them time so that I could find them a good home.

And as far as me living in the real world....Honey, I have see the worst of the worst and my world has been more real than even you can imagine.


liz c (827)
Friday March 2, 2012, 4:52 pm
Typical of you bill---you are such a pompous ass--I didnt lie and say that you were a shrink--you seem to have an amazing ability to read and hear what you want to-----I never said at all that you were a shrink--I was told that you were a shrink---and I knew that you were way too stupid to be a shrink-so I said I hoped that you were a patient...................
Dusty---as I said before--please ignore what bill says--you have an important issue to deal with and you will not get any help nor encouragement from bill----concentrate on your Mom---I hope that you have been able to get some legal advice that is helpful to you.........

Denise Lytle (506)
Friday March 2, 2012, 8:24 pm
So sorry about this, Dusty...I'm hoping you will get the help you need!

Dandelion G (367)
Friday March 2, 2012, 8:33 pm
I donated to Kiwi, it wasn't much, but I donated, afterwards I got back every dime I paid due to the surgeon making a mistake and the dog lost it's leg, so refunded her some of the money, of which she tried to give as much back as possible to those who had helped her. She also showed photos of the dog afterwards with the missing leg.

Again, Bill, I don't know what your point is now, except harassment. Anyone reading this thread can make their own mind up. Why must you persist on badgering this person, unless you are finding some personal delight in it. Just wonder if you are indeed wrong, that all she states is true and factual, and you have only added more pain to a person already in pain. Does that make you feel more of a man? Make you feel any better?

Dusty, I know you feel the need to defend yourself each time he comes back on here, but I wouldn't put in any more time with this individual. I'm not sure what his motive is, he has stated his case, he should let it lie, if he doesn't believe you, then he should move along. It seems some on here have prior experience with Bill, so it is something I guess he is use to doing.

I hope what information was given to you by others will prove helpful and that you can at least speak to your Mother to find out if she wants to remain where she is, that she is happy, or that she wants to be removed. It must be very difficult to be so far away and can't find out the information you seek. I think calling the Elders Hotline in the State of Missouri might be helpful, didn't I read someone giving you that information, if not, I'd try it. I'm not well versed in these matters so there is little more I can do but send prayer upon the Winds.

marie C (163)
Saturday March 3, 2012, 5:06 am
Dear Dusty listen to your friends ignore negativity and suspicion I was in a similar position a few days ago and I was manipulated into a dreadful situation because I had only used personnel experiences I WAS WRONG and had not answered objectively but I was insulted and harassed by someone. There are very few members on C2 like this so learn to rise above and do not explain yourself as it only makes the bully feel better Fortunately one of the wisest and kindness people on Care 2 helped me see sense . Please contact me personally and I can be of a little help financially. You can send me a personnel message as I am your friend .
Everything seems so bleak now but believe me there are a lot of good people out there and everything will end for the best . All you need is a little boost Hang on in there .

Gillian M (218)
Sunday March 4, 2012, 6:10 am
Bill "a clinical psychiatric nurse specialist, masters level". This does not mean that you have much knowledge in the field just that you are qualified to be capable of cleaning the crap off the mentally ill and shutting them in rooms. You have no knowledge or experience of understanding other problems, are incapable of diagnosing health issues, do not know how to treat them and are making out that you are better than you are. Nurses are not doctors and, in America, do not have the training or knowledge required in the UK. You are insulting Dusty with your prejudices, lack of understanding or sympathy.

Many of us on this board know Dusty well and will support her to the best of our ability. If Dusty has problems visiting her mother then that is what is happening. Dusty is disabled, we all know that, and if you are genuinely disabled yourself you ought to have an understanding of her problems.

As for getting help and mentioning it on a socal network, Dusty is entitled to ask her friends for help and advice as this is an extremely difficult and emotional problem. I would be horrified to find that I was unable to hug my mother again for any reason. And, as her mother is in another state, it is harder to find help. The legal system is difficult and expensive to work through and not everyone knows where to go for help so Dusty is being sensible in asking for it. I have never been to the civil courts in the UK and would be confused as to what to do but, at least, I have somewhere to go to ask the Citizen's Advice Bureau, which does not exist in the US. Not everyone in the UK knows about that either.

Neither Dusty, nor anyone else on this board, needs to justify themselves to you. If you are offended that this is mentioned here then go away and you won't be. If you have some advice to offer then do so politely with no insults and without causing Dusty unwarranted distress.

Dusty, I am so sorry that this is happening to you and hope that there have been sufficient people able to give you advice. I wish that I could help you from here. My love as always.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Sunday March 4, 2012, 8:24 am
Thank you Dandelion, Liz , Marie and Gillian for your post defending me. I have gotten a lot of good information here that I had not thought about so have been busy this week trying to make some contacts with these people. Unfortunately, after Bill C. started posting his crap....everything seemed to come to a screeching hault with this and I am sure there is much more information out there to be had. I guess Bill C. accomplished what he set out to do which was to basically shut this story down and I have no idea.
It had absolutely nothing to do with him and I don't even know him so have no idea why the constant attacks.

I have been dealing with this issue with my mom the best way that I know how to do so with my limited knowledge, limited income, and physical limittions as well and a last resort, decided to go viral as I felt that I would get the most suggesstions this way and hoped to catch someones attention that could possibly help me. I KNEW when I posted on the Candelight Lodge Site, the Facebook site and care2 site that doing so could possibly stir up some conflict, but was hoping that possibly the stirring up of conflict (with Candelight Lodge, Marilyn, etc.) would hopefully somehow get me closer to being able to see my mom. If Candelight Lodge or Marilyn somehow tried to use legal means to shut me up somehow then that would put me in a possition to get FREE legal counsel and then the story would be brought into the lime light but I also knew that it was important to make sure that everything state in the story was the truth so they would have nothing to charge me with such as slander as it would do me no good to be locked up as I wouldn't be able to see my mom or to help her. All I am trying to do is make it so I can see and talk with my mom and have been kept from doing so with out being given any kind of reason why. If my mom is happy where she is at now that she has had four years to adjust and make friends there then that is fine with me but I want to hear it from her. I just want her happy and to know that I did try to keep my word to my mom and dad that they would never have to go to a nursing home. Bill C. has really hurt this thread and basically put a stop to all that I was trying to accomplish. Now I feel defeated that I will NEVER get to see or talk with my mom again as all the suggestions have come to a screeching hault and this was my last bit of hope. I hope that he is happy now that he has greatly effected two lives and basically destroyed all of my hope in ever being able to see my mom again. I have no idea why he is on a site called "Care2" as this is about fighting for the "RIGHTS" of others being attacked and this clearly falls under that category.

marie C (163)
Sunday March 4, 2012, 9:36 am
Come on Dusty don't give up you have a lot of fight left in you.
Think only about your mother and all the friends who are supporting you. Come on LIFE GOES ON don't let one person get to you. We all have our problems instead of being a defeatist (WHICH YOU ARE NOT) if he shut down the story start another one. I know this is difficult but try going the other way ask yourself why do people do these things and then move forward on your way. Its a long road but you can make it .

Gillian M (218)
Sunday March 4, 2012, 11:00 am
Have emailed you a list of solicitors where pro-bono is mentioned. Good luck with this, please call if you need anything.

liz c (827)
Sunday March 4, 2012, 11:53 am
Dusty--bill can only shut down the good info if you let him----forget him---he loves to hurt people---I have gone through this with this fucking idiot before-----DO NOT LET BILL DISSUADE YOU FROM GETTING ALL THE INFO THAT YOU CAN. Bless Gillian for sending you that list of lawyers................people care.............good luck. I am praying that this all works out for you and your Mom........and for Gods sake--please treat bills comments for what they are---the ramblings of a very sick, miserable person(?) that loves to upset people--that seems to be his only job on here..........FORGET HIM...........please keep us updated on how things are going...............

brittany h (16)
Sunday March 4, 2012, 5:52 pm
Call one or all of the local news stations, either in your state or your parents state. Get the word out there. Post on Craigslist and keep it going on Facebook. In whatever state that nursing home is, call their attorney general.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Monday March 5, 2012, 12:05 pm
Thanks everyone for your support in this and your encouragement. I have ABSOLUTELY NO intention in giving up my quest to FREE my mother or at least get it where we can communicate and see each other.

As long as there is breath in my body......I will NOT give up.

I was getting discouraged as far as this thread was going as it seemed that it had come to a screeching hault after Bill C. started his rampage and that is what bothered me is that he was defeating the very purpose of me putting this story out there.

Thanks so much for the information Gillian. I hate to say it but I have lost your phone number on my computer when it crashed several months ago and right now have even lost all of my contacts to be able to forward information to people in my contact list. Have got to call at&t to figure out what happened but when you call them you are placed on hold for several hours only to get someone who doesn't know what they are doing or then you get disconnected I have to wait to call them when I don't have an aid coming in or nurses as well. I have a company called Care South right now coming in trying to help me learn how to set my house up for the visually impaired so that is time consuming also. So have to deal with all of this when I am dodging in-home help and assistance.

Love you all - you all are a great bunch of people and to hell with Bill C.

marie C (163)
Monday March 5, 2012, 3:29 pm
Yeah Yeah Yeah thats my girl go for it XXXXXX

liz c (827)
Tuesday March 6, 2012, 2:37 pm
Well said Dusty--and Marie----you go Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gillian M (218)
Tuesday March 6, 2012, 3:28 pm
Will email you my details again, no problem.

Bill seems to have gone to earth and I hope he stays there. I can appreciate that he may feel that someone he doesn't know may be exaggerating but I would have thought that the outpourings of sympathy and love would have let anyone guess that we all know that this story is true and shut up.

I won't insult anything by comparing Bill's lack of compassion or understanding or caring to him.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Thursday March 8, 2012, 6:19 am
Please keep the information coming that anyone might have to offer to me. I have copied and pasted in an e-mail to myself all of the suggesstions that have been given so far so that I would not lose the information and am slowing going thru them to see what can be done.

I greatly appreciated all of the informations that has been given so far and fear that Bill C. rants have brought this thread to a screeching hault. I hope that is not the case.


liz c (827)
Thursday March 8, 2012, 6:40 pm
Dusty-I live in Canada and am no good to you for info-----but it sounds like you have had some good suggestions.......Please let us know how things are progressing......

Dandelion G (367)
Thursday March 8, 2012, 6:44 pm
Your name was added today to our prayer list.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Friday March 9, 2012, 9:57 am


LOVE & HUGS TO YOU ALL..............."DUSTY"

Past Member (0)
Monday March 12, 2012, 2:00 am
Worth reading. Thanks.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday March 14, 2012, 6:15 pm
I have a new e-mial address now. It is no longer If you would like my e-mail address, please contact me on care2 and I will give it to you personally. Thanks! "Dusty"

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:28 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:28 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:29 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:30 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:30 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:30 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:30 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:30 pm
very sad

jayasri amma (10)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:31 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:31 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:31 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:32 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:32 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:34 pm
very sad

Love Light (0)
Thursday March 22, 2012, 2:37 pm
very sad

Dusty Debandi (113)
Sunday March 25, 2012, 11:32 am
I Went and talked with an Attorney today (March 22nd, 2012) who is with the Law Offices of " Paul M. Goodson, P.C." in Charolotte who deals with Veterans Benefits as well as Medical Malpractice in reference to my mother and her situation at being put into the Nursing Home against her will as well as the cousins being able to get their hands on the will stating that I inherited all of the money as well as the house which would have helped me in being able to take care of my mother the way that she deserved and the Lawyer stated that there are NO Attorney's in the State of North Carolina that can take this case as NO Attorney travels "Intra-State" and that I would have NO choice but to go to or obtain an Attorney in the State of Missouri for which the case would be held and dealt with according to the Laws in that State.
He did state that my first course of action tho would be to contact the Missouri Bar Association and then go from there. A concern that I had was that the Nursing Home had stated that there was an "ORDER" against me keeping me away from the Nursing Home as well as my mother and I was afraid to attempt to challenge that by showing up unexpectedly to the Nursing Home for fear that I would be arrested and then be sitting in a jail with no friends around or close by to help me out and then I wouldn't be able to help my mother out when I am sitting in a jail and rotting away.
The Attorney ASSUERED me that IF there was indeed and order keeping me from the Nursing Home or my mother, that it would have to be an "In Court" legal action of papers filed against me and that I would HAVE to be notifyied and served with paper work directly from a Sherriff's Dept. here in Greensboro, N.C. so that I may challenge or appeal that decision or at least state my case and show my proof as to why there should be no order ..... and I have NEVER been served with any kind of papers from my cousins, the Nursing Home (Candelight Lodge) nor from a Sherriff's Dept.
The Attorney informed me that I need to call the Administrator of the Nursing Home and tell them that if there is indeed paper work in their possession informing them that I am to have NO CONTACT with my mother in any form, that they need to send me a copy of that paper work to me personally....otherwise, it is just the cousin verbally telling them to keep me away from my mother and to have no contact with her and they are under no obligation to adhere to that request from my cousin nor do they risk being sued by allowing me to talk with her or to have contact with they had origionally informed me that they feared if they allowed me to have any form of contact with my mother - SO I guess I will be contacting the Missouri Bar Association as the Attorney suggested that I do.
I will be letting you all know more as I have more infromation on this. My concern is that with me being in N.C. and having to deal with this in Missouri, how I am going to be able to go to Missouri to deal with this and to find an Attorney or to even go to Court (if it comes to that) as I am financially stapped. I have nothing to sell to get money and my small disability check just absolutely nothing but $35 left over after I pay all of my bills (which are just your basics - rent, electric, etc.) to even put back to pay for an Attorney. It always seems like money gets into the way of everything. Grrrrrrr! I am hoping that an Attorney in Missouri can take and handle the case without me coming to Missouri until such time as it is settled and I can just sent him the proof that he needs. I do have the necessary proof that I need to provide to the Attorney to prove my parents wishes, lies told and deception, selling the house that was willed to me, etc.

Gillian M (218)
Thursday April 26, 2012, 6:01 pm
Any new news?

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 8:05 am
I received papers in the mail a few days ago from the Missouri Bar Association to file a complaint against the attorney Marla Groatoff. Unfortunately tho it ask what her Phone number is, and her address and what Attorney she is with and I have NONE of that Information. I just recently found out a couple months back that she is now disabled and is no longer practicing. I don't know if this is true or not or how to go about even finding this out. I do not know which Attorney's Office she was working with so how would I get this information. Also, they asked me to state in "A few short Sentences" my complaint with this person. How do I explain all of this in a few short sentences as it is a real involved and deep situation. I'm not real sure just what part Marla Groatoff played in this and how much of this was the cousin Marily Hartungs so how would I find out just who was responsible for what? (Today's date is 05/22/2012

Lika P (130)
Friday June 22, 2012, 1:37 am
Some nursing homes shouldn't be operating. Is there a way to do an expose on them?
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