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FACEBOOK UNVEILS NEW WASTE OF TIME --- SATIRE


Science & Tech  (tags: technology, facebook, Home, Zuckerburg, phone, satire, Borowitz )

Lynn
- 376 days ago - newyorker.com
Before a rapt audience at Facebook headquarters Thursday, Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg unveiled new software that he promised "will totally change the way you are wasting your life."



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Comments

Lynn Squance (219)
Sunday April 7, 2013, 2:14 pm
I really had to laugh when I saw this. I got my first cell phone in 2005 and I don't think I have used up the original 1500 free minutes yet! It was basic with the ability to take pictures. That's it. The phone I have now is the same. To say I had to dragged kicking and screaming into this technology is close to being a true statement. It is generally for emergencies for when I am out walking, or if the care centre where my mother lives needs to get in touch. Now of course, with smart phones etc, access to the web while you're riding the bus to work etc is much easier. You can read the news etc without having this large newspaper open in someone else's face. By the time you get to work, you've read the news and answered 3 work related calls before you've punched in. Hmmmm. . . . accessibility!

I know accessibility is one thing, but having so much of your life tied up in one place --- the good, the bad, and the truly ugly is downright scary to me! Seems like a good way to lose your identity, not to mention any semblance of a normal productive life.

When my nephew was in his early 20s and we all sat down to a family meal, his cell phone sat on the table and he answered every call as we ate. I thought it rather rude, but hey, his parents house and they permitted it. Now he is in his early 30s, married for 4 years, and has a place of his own. I wonder if the cell phone has anything to do with why he doesn't have kids yet? Hmmmm . . . food for thought!
 

Darren Woolsey (57)
Sunday April 7, 2013, 2:30 pm
To paraphrase Jethro Tull, "I have no time, for Time Magazine, Wishing Well, or Facebook..."

Time is a precious commodity that I'm pretty sure most us take for granted. Once you're born, the clock starts ticking, and doesn't stop for you, until your death in this material plane...
 

Kit B. (277)
Sunday April 7, 2013, 6:06 pm

True Darren, but this is Andy Borowitz and one must give him time because everyone needs a smile each day.
 

Gloria picchetti (279)
Monday April 8, 2013, 7:25 am
Andy nails it everytime!
 

Dotti Lydon (118)
Monday April 8, 2013, 2:51 pm
I saw this earlier and it made me laugh. So true.
 

Phil P. (87)
Monday April 8, 2013, 4:04 pm
I'm on it, sort of, but rarely go there. I have a separate email for it and track how many unread updates I've accumulate in a month before I delete with joy and abandon. 154 so far and counting.
 

Kathy Niell (64)
Monday April 8, 2013, 5:31 pm
LOL! After a year of FB increasingly dominating my life, I did a trial two week sabatical and found that I could live without it, so I quit. Now I am FB-free and much better off!
 

Phil Hanson (17)
Monday April 8, 2013, 7:04 pm
Andy Borowitz is the new, improved, Dave Barry.
 

JL A. (269)
Monday April 8, 2013, 9:38 pm
Thanks for my dose of AB Lynn!
 

Judy C. (106)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 6:12 am
Lol. Thanks for a much-needed laugh, Lynn.
 

. (0)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 8:04 am
Great article. Thanks for sharing. Very amusing.
 

Dot A. (121)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 10:14 am
..., more truth in jest!
 

Birgit W. (135)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 1:37 pm
Right!
 

Zee Kallah (39)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 8:39 pm
Well, since I'm not wasting my life....
should I read it anyway?

Why not?
Comedy is never a waste.

 

Zee Kallah (39)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 8:51 pm
I read the satire.-----------------------

At Facebook, we will never stop striving to replace real experience with something soulless and empty.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a whole lot of people who don't need Facebook for that.

Of course, those who want soul and fulfillment come on over to Care2 where everything printed is important
and nothing is wasted. Lots of positive karma points in your personal bank account.

Plus there are the "finders" who are ready to enrich your education, stimulate your mind and present a foe
worth fighting. There's thrills of knowing we made a difference. There's suffering with the animals and the
hurting peoples and the honor of being able to do something about it. And there's lots of laughs and hugs
and butterflies along the way.

Love you, my friends and co-workers who are not wasting your lives. We have a noble purpose. We well may save Mother Earth and if we can't at least WE TRIED and we wasted not. Check those successes of the month now and then. Together, we make a difference.

AND we have fun doing it!
 

june t. (62)
Tuesday April 9, 2013, 11:37 pm
thanks
 

Sandy Castro (0)
Wednesday April 10, 2013, 6:49 am
Yes
 

Melania Padilla (165)
Monday April 22, 2013, 9:37 am
They should "unveil" ways to protect your privacy!!!
 

Sergio Padilla (62)
Tuesday April 23, 2013, 9:36 am
Noted
 
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