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Without Equal Rights It Could Happen To You

Society & Culture  (tags: Marriage Equality, Shane, Tom Bridegroom, gay, love, human rights )

- 2196 days ago -
Hi, I'm Shane. It has been said that sharing personal stories is one of the most effective ways to change people's hearts and minds. This is my story and I hope you are inspired to share it with others.

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Carole Sarcinello (338)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 4:12 am

So glad to see you sharing this, Sheryl.

This video really drives home the sad/very wrong reality of denying the legal protections of marriage to gay partners.


Lisa Deveney (0)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 4:48 am
So heart breaking and so so sad

Sheryl G (363)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 6:14 am
Please after viewing the video, also consider signing this petition. Thank you.

Patricia C (825)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 7:29 am
Terribly heartbreaking. How can you not feel for Shane and others like him? Definitely will be signing the petition. Who wouldn't?

Joe R (190)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 7:40 am
Heartbreaking! People are listening Shane! Thank you for your story. My partner of 40 years and I do have our wills and finances in order. Living in Minnesota, there is no same-sex marriage and the GOP has pushed through the legislature a proposed amendment banning such unions. The amendment will be voted on this fall.

Thanks Dandelion for this post. Petition signed.

Past Member (0)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 7:45 am
Nothing to consider...Thank you for standing with President Obama and the Equality Federation! I have also sent numerous thank yous to Pres Obama through various sites. Thanks for posting Dandelion.

Jytte Nhanenge (64)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 7:58 am
Thank you for sharing dear Dandelion. It is really a sad story, but so courageous of Shane to speak out. Some of us, we are listening, and we fighting for equality for all including women, poor people, colored people, traditional people, gay people, animals and nature.

Past Member (0)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 9:36 am
Signed, TU Dandelion

Holly Lawrence (430)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 10:05 am
How can we let this happen? This is so very sad, breaks my heart in pieces. Why won't others just let us be happy? Thank You, Dandelion, I have signed and will share ..

TomCat S (129)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 10:19 am
Thanks Sheryl. Attacked petition signed.

Roger G (154)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 12:17 pm
noted thanks !

Laura H (964)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 1:09 pm
I saw an interview wirh Shane a few days ago; what a wonderful, kind human being.
His story broke my heart and made me cry-it's making me cry now.
I cannot understand how some people can be so filled with hate...many of them claim to be religious. What good is religion if it divides us and causes pain? Isn't it supposed to be about love, kindness, understanding, acceptance?
Shane is very brave to share his story; I'm sure it has softened some hearts. I'll keep him in my thoughts and prayers.
And I will continue to keep fighting for equal rights FOR ALL.

Thanks Dandelion.

Judy C (97)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 1:45 pm
Thanks for posting this Dandelion. Everyone should see this. Some hearts are so hard, though. My sister came out, and when she had a commitment ceremony with her partner, I was the only one in our family who attended. They have been together for years now. The majority of my family still won't speak to her.

Whenever a person starts to speak hatefully about gay people, I tell them that it is not a choice. I ask why gay people should be unhappy, or live a lie to satisfy those who don't understand or like their personal choices. Now and then I see a light come on when I say this.

I think when it comes to marriage, particular religions can define their marriage ceremony, and exclude whomever they want. However, in the eyes of the State, marriage is a CONTRACT, and consenting adults have a right to make a contract. We do supposdly have separatin of Church and State.

This is an excellent video. Thanks for posting it, Dandelion.

Judy C (97)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 1:50 pm
To clarify, I meant to say that people are born with their gender preferences. and they can't change them. They can choose not to be true to themselves, and satisfy the people who don't accept them, but why should they, unless they really want to.

Sheryl G (363)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 1:52 pm
If so inclined, please share this video, perhaps it may reach certain eyes that are on the fence.

Gene Jacobson (290)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 2:25 pm
Thank you for sharing this, Dandelion. I will too. This sad scenario has been played out too many times and should never have to happen this way again. A time will come when that is true. I hope soon. But it WILL.

Jim P (3257)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 3:02 pm
Thoughtful video...

Ty, Dandelion.

Caitlin M (104)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 4:25 pm
I'm glad you liked this video and decided to spread the word. If everyone saw this video, I don't know how anyone could not understand that all people deserve to love the ones they love and that it's cruel to deny anyone that right and freedom. I do hope this video goes viral. If I had my way, this love story would be shown in every school in the nation and in every church. We MUST learn to accept those who are different from ourselves. Different does not mean bad nor does it mean unworthy of respect. The sooner that is taught to children... ALL children... the sooner equal rights will have real meaning. Thanks for sending this sad but beautiful story on, Dandelion.

Carmen S (611)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 6:03 pm
thanks Dandelion

Ms Carol Brown (48)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 6:19 pm

Edith B (146)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 9:02 pm
Thank you Sheryl, for posting this, even though I have tears in my eyes right now. This story and others like it are why we need to stand behind the President and the right to same sex marriage.

Ellen m (215)
Saturday May 19, 2012, 11:58 pm
Thanks for this share Sheryl...I was smiling just minutes ago reading some of the newer posts on Franco's great post, and watching on the local news the City of Seattle's first alternate prom party, called "The Purple Prom", thrown for all GLBT kids that are just not yet comfortable with either coming out or attending prom at their school.
Not a really large attendance, but a sorely needed start if we are ever to change things...

And then came Shane...And just as a mother is only as happy as her saddest child, the smile turned to tears
as i once again was brought back to the other reality.
I have signed the petition, and shared Shane's story...maybe his pain will touch a heart waiting to open...1love

Barbara Tomlinson (431)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 2:03 am
Sad, and angry too that this could happen. And that there are some people that still think this is just fine & dandy.

Arild G (174)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 3:14 am
Thanks for sharing this video Sheryl,we must all fight for equality and against ignorance.Petition signed.

. (0)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 3:51 am
Thank you for posting this very powerful video.


Edwin M (346)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 4:13 am
Thanks Sheryl

paul m (93)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 6:35 am


Shirley Elliott (69)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 8:43 am
Shane, I thank you for your courage to share your grief and pain. I watched your video and cried, for you and for Tom - but most of all I cried for the injustice you have suffered. Ultimately the biggest loss of all is Tom's family's inability to love their son unconditionally and to have been happy that he found love - I am a parent and that is the most I would want for my daughters ... to be happy, to be loved. I believe that ultimately love conquers all and you are using your love for Tom and channelling your grief to change the laws and bigoted minds of those who unbelievably are still so prejudiced and cruel. I hope so much that this beautiful and touching video is watched by those who most need to change their hateful mindsets.

JL A (281)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 9:26 am
May we all be inspired, like Shane, to stop being silent whenever others' rights or our own rights are denied or threatened.

. (0)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 10:24 am
What I found saddest of all is Tom could not shake off the mid-western values he grew up with - his parents were stronger than the love he had for Shane, and the acceptance he had with Shane's family. They weren't HIS family.
If he had only realized his natural family was gone; replaced by a family who cared for him, accepted him, probably loved him.
If evil exists, Tom's mother is its poster figure. What a horrible woman, what a horrible family.

M B (62)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 12:29 pm
That's really tragic, I'm with You Shane. I'm like empty after the video, and my only comfort is that the future may be brighter with better laws. You're not alone.
My gay friend experienced something sad, too. He met this guy from the Phillipines, and after some time they got married .....Once he was legalized to stay in Belgium (because he got married, his status has been made "natural"), he showed his true face: he betrayed his husband, saying he went through all this in order to stay legally in Belgium, with a permit, and sometimes he found it hard to pretend that he was gay (!) - and he left him without remorse. My friend was devastated.....
I shared your story on FB.

Sheryl G (363)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 12:38 pm
Betrayal is a hard pill to digest. I hope your friend Monka is doing better now.

Edgar Zuim (47)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 2:17 pm
Noted... thanks.

Past Member (0)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 5:23 pm
Noted. Thanks for this article.

Julie Hoffman (8)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 6:41 pm
THis video was so moving and emotional i want to do w.e i can to make homosexual marriage legal

Past Member (0)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 8:11 pm
I am sure Tom wold have been so proud of Shane for making this important video.
The victms of bullies around the world are constantly pressured by their peersto remain silent. Shane did not, I am proud of him for this.

The feeling one gets when your worth as a human is questioned is very sad.
As a marijuana-legalization activist I see this on a regular basis.
It is very depressing to be treated as a second-class citizen, a criminal even;
when you know those judging you haven't the courage to live or life for even a day.

Bullies are cowards, afraid to explore their own opinions - let alone defend one.
They just mimic what the other bullies have said or done.
Just Bigoted Babies...

Time heals Shane.
I signed the petition Sheryl.

Thank you for standing with President Obama and the Equality Federation!

Now I wish Obama would quit arresting Cancer patients (or anyone else) for smoking pot. We are just regular people who prefer pot over alcohol. It is safer.

Mary Donnelly (47)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 8:53 pm
Thanks Dandelion--good post--signed petition.

Robert Hardy (68)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 9:21 pm
Feel better.

Christopher Fowler (82)
Sunday May 20, 2012, 10:52 pm
Tom's parents should be ashamed of themselves. But they are typical far right Christians that think that forgiveness of misdeeds is more important than good deeds in life.

I doubt that they will ever truly be forgiven by any deity that professes to love all of their creations.

Quanta Kiran (67)
Monday May 21, 2012, 3:10 am

Cate S (7)
Monday May 21, 2012, 3:48 am
Thank you Dandelion. What a tragic story.

Past Member (0)
Monday May 21, 2012, 8:21 am
Thanks for posting. Petition signed.

Dan(iel) M (25)
Monday May 21, 2012, 10:27 am
Thanks for sharing.

A very sad story but a very brave and smart young man for putting it out there for the world to see.

Terrie Williams (798)
Monday May 21, 2012, 10:53 am
Very sad. Thank you for sharing.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Monday May 21, 2012, 12:30 pm
I am so so very sorry for your loss and it brings back all too familiar feelings. Not to take away from your story but to add yet another story so that people understand that this happens all to often. I was with my partner of 9yrs. when she was diagnosed with cancer. We had "LEGAL Wills" wrote up. We bought our home together, we pulled our income together, we did everything together. Our families abandoned us. Even tho she wanted to be took off life supports, her family wanted her left on. She died a long drawn out painful death while we fought it out in court. Her family sued me for half of the house, half of the money in our joint account and I lost everything that we had together even tho there were Legal papers drawn up, even tho there was a Will and a Living Will. The story is the same and I was not allowed at the funeral. Gay marriage is not about the paper but about protecting the lives that we have built together from the outside elements that seek to destroy us out of ignorance. Banning gay marriage is unconstitutional as it violates each persons right to choose. It was stated some time ago that this nation is no longer a christian nation. The constitution tells us that we are free to practice any religion. The statement that marriage is between a man and a women comes from the bible with is a religious book. If you state that marriage is only between a man and a women then you are bringing religion into the marriage choice which is unconstitutional. As a human being, we only want the right to be treated with respect and to have bestowed upon us the same protection in our relationship that the man & women marriage has as far as acknowleging the Wills & Living Wills drawn up, taxes, insurance and medical attention.
This is so wrong in every aspect. Take Religion out of the picture and the constitution hasn't a leg to stand on when it comes to gay marriage.

Vivien Green (153)
Monday May 21, 2012, 12:34 pm
Noted thank you Dandelion.
How heartbreaking video. I have signed the petition.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Monday May 21, 2012, 12:35 pm
People then to want to take certain things out of the Bible and use them against people to bagger them with. The Bible is a book of love. It teaches us to LOVE one another and not JUDGE one another. It teaches us to look at the log in our own eyes before we try to remove the splinter in someone elses. If the "RELIGIOUS CULTURE" would put into play and practice these things.....all would be well. The Bible is NOT a book of condemenation but a book of love. The judging is left of to God, whoever you deem him/her/it to be.....or not be.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Monday May 21, 2012, 12:41 pm
P.S. Noted, signed and posted on Facebook. By the way, I know that you know this Sheryl but for those that are reading this.....I am a transgender FTM individual. Lots of heartaches there and misunderstandings as well.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Monday May 21, 2012, 12:48 pm
Zhi W. - This is a story about a tragic loss and human ignorance......NOT a place to personally advertise your business. How rude is that????

Monday May 21, 2012, 2:51 pm
A very touching and heartbreaking video. Noted and petition signed, thanks Dandelion.

cynthia l (207)
Monday May 21, 2012, 3:50 pm
Bless you Shane may this help you heal. Stand tall and be proud to fight for equality AND be proud of who you are -someone making a differance

JL A (281)
Monday May 21, 2012, 4:32 pm
I applaud Shane's courage and hope it inspires more people to break silence to defend their rights and the rights of others

Past Member (0)
Monday May 21, 2012, 8:00 pm
Very moving indeed


Rose Becke (141)
Monday May 21, 2012, 8:28 pm
Dandelion another great post ty

Mary T (178)
Monday May 21, 2012, 10:55 pm
Thanks Dandelion, May we all rise above the prejudice one day and let people love who they want, Already signed the petition.

Deborah B (72)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 12:01 am
Thank you for sharing this video with us, Sheryl. Of course, my heart is broken and I have tears in my eyes as I type. If one can find another in this world to love and cherish as Shane and Tom did each other, it should never matter what gender.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 8:12 am
Meiy Y. = The care2 posting of stories site is not the place to be advertising your business. To continue to do so will in the long run cost you your business as you are making people mad at you. If you had sent me an e-mail with your advertisement I might have been open to look at your merchandise but due to the fact that you are so rude and butting in on people's stories to make a profit on your business.......I will not even consider looking at your products and there are many of us that feel this way and will be flagging as inappropriate evey chance that we get. Show some compassion and good work ethics and don't intrude on people's private stories.

Ellie L (0)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 2:51 pm
To Tom's family: May you NEVER again have a good day for the rest of your lives. May you forever be haunted by Tom's ghost. God will embrace Tom and his beautiful spirit, but He will reject his family -- There is no religion in your souls. There is only hate, and you are forever condemned as murderers, the epitome of evil.
Bless you, Shane. We weep for your loss, and hope Tom will help you find himself in another. He will watch over you and protect you. Stay strong, Thank you President Obama, for your support of marriage equality for ALL, and for always being on the right side of history.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 3:57 pm
Ira - Tho it is so sad that this situation ever had to happen in the first place, the ones who really lost out were his own family who could not accept their son the way he was and therfor missed out on a beautiful expierence. It upsets me as well, very deeply as I have been thru the exact thing but to spew out such hatred only goes to prove to his family that people like us are monsters and sick and do not deserve to be treated with respect. My heart break for Shane and his loss and I hope that someone he will find some sence of closure and peace and perhaps in time a new love but his parents missed out on a beautiful soul and they will have to live with that forever.

Dusty Debandi (113)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 4:05 pm
Meiy Y. & Zhi W. = This is a story about tragedy and loss and your calliousness towards the story in posting your advertisements is in poor judgement. These stories are not the place to be advertising your business and will in the end not only cost you money (as you are both pissing people off and turning them against you) and several flags and reports have been made to care2 support about this and you will end up being warned or kicked off of the site if you do not put a stop to this.

Ellen m (215)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 4:14 pm
Dusty,Please know that you have many, many friends that not only prayed for you during your recent surgery, but for your heart as kind and gentle to yourself my friend, 1love

Irene M (18)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 4:21 pm
To Ira L....Your statement about Tom's family (which I assume you do not know personally)is extremely bitter,and so very full of hatred,such harsh judgement of his family is completely uncalled for.How can you even speak of human/equal rights,and feel this way towards others? after all the very subject being discussed is about equality,human rights,compassion,and tolerance...The mind boggles!
Petition signed.Thank you,Dandelion.

alicia m (97)
Tuesday May 22, 2012, 11:06 pm
noted, can't sign, gracias

Sheryl G (363)
Wednesday May 23, 2012, 6:52 am
Ira, I understand you spoke from a place of pain towards Tom's family and a place of compassion for Shane. It is not easy to understand how people can be so heartless towards even their own son that it eventually led to his death. It did not say that directly in the film, but I think we can assume that, at the very least his mind was occupied with his pain at his time of death.

Tom's family has the ultimate loss, they would rather see their son dead than have him live as a gay man. So it is. Now that is something they must live with and deal with, and spiritually it will carry forth with them. So do not take that pain on, it only raises our own blood pressure, the negative is aborbed into our own bodies and can and will make us sick. View it, feel the love for those to whom you can, but the anger send it off into the Winds to be absorbed by the Helpers.

May we all learn from this tragic video, if we would only allow people to be who they are we all would be better for it. Right now, Shane, Tom, and Tom's family could be sharing many moments of joy, instead due to their ill conceived beliefs many people suffer. For those who do practice their faiths, I do not see how a loving God is a God that would condone such hatred towards another, their own child even. And if people believe that God is perfect and makes no mistakes then they should of accepted that their son was not a mistake.

Where no one intrudes, many can live in harmony. - Chief Dan George


Dusty Debandi (113)
Wednesday May 23, 2012, 7:44 am
AS a transgender/gay person myself I have lived thru many a heartache because of the lifestyle that so many in the world are quick to point out is a choice. It is a choice to commit adulty, it is a choice to lie, steal, gossip, backstab, belittle others, etc. I do not hate those nor wish any ill doings on anyone who does not understand the life I live and the person I am, even the dull and the ignorant. I feel saddened for them and it hurts me to the core that it will be these such people who will miss out on many beautiful & loving people that could have touched their lives so deeply because of their small minds. It is their loss but I refuse to spread the hatred when those that do no understand or accept those of us who are unique and different least I become just like them. Love and acceptance is the key here and sometimes, many times those of us who are different have to practice compassion, empathy, integrity and tolerance to the ignorant who just do not understand. What a great and awesome world this would be if people could just allow people to be where they are and who they are. So simple yet apparently difficult to achieve. I refuse to become just like them.

Jenny Dooley (830)
Thursday May 24, 2012, 1:04 pm
Noted, signed and tweeted, thank you Dandelion - I'm most grateful for this news item.

Liliana D (125)
Saturday May 26, 2012, 1:12 am
love and compassion for a better world

No Way (0)
Saturday May 26, 2012, 4:49 am
Love is love.

Karen H (42)
Saturday May 26, 2012, 1:34 pm
Shane, my heart goes out to you. Iím sorry you lost Tom, but I know youíll always cherish the love you shared and the time you had together.
Most people donít realize that marriage is more than simply a ceremony; it involves rights. In addition to spending their lives with the person they love, same-sex couples want these rights and are entitled to them.

Nancy C (806)
Sunday May 27, 2012, 8:57 pm
Thanx Sheryl. Important petition(s) and sad, sad story. A bit of neutrality, even if acceptance was out of the question, would have helped a being to survive.
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