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The power of Reflection
12 years ago

Reflection?

Reflections are an aid to progress. They are a means of mental purification. Reflection protects a person from harmful tendencies. They are conceived as aids to spiritual advancement. And these may be described thus,

1. Reflection on the transitory nature of all things - All things are transitory, fleeting, in constant flux and transformation. Nothing in this world is permanent, eternal. Everything is subject to change and decline. A close association with loved ones, wealth, prosperity, youth, health, body! Life changes like a wave, beauty of youth lasts only for a few years, and wealth and possessions are transient like thoughts, and enjoyments are like flashes of lightning. Old age frightens most people like a tigress, and life ultimately flows away like water from a leaking container! The things for the acquisition of which we employ so much energy and our time are all transitory in nature. And life is short, so it is wrong and unwise to lead an unjust life. We may partially conquer nature, subdue others, but we can never vanquish death. Death snatches away instantly all our  gains, victories. It is foolish and unwise to perform unvirtuous acts, acts of violence, injustice for the sake of transitory life. Reflection saves us from going astray, and keeps us moving on the path of justice and morality. -

And those who see permanence in the realm of impermanence develop a perverse attitude. They are under delusion who consider persons and objects as permanent.

This is the usefulness of the Reflection on impermanence of all things.

2.Reflection on being humble - A few may suffer from excessive pride. Excessive pride is improper and wrong, because none can be saved from death, nor can anyone save another person from her/his death.

12 years ago

It's interesting how a word can represent different thoughts and meanings.

Reflection is what you see in a mirror, and reflection is also lingering thoughts about your deeds past, present or future.

Love & Peace

Reflections on the beautiful words of the Dali Lama:

‘Love for others and respect for their rights and dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need. So long as we practise these in our daily lives, then no matter if we are learned or unlearned, whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy’

- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama.

12 years ago
when a person reflects, they have the ability and time to hopefully see things more clearly.  you're able to absorb and digest the situation so that your outlook on what it may lead to is found.  reflection permits us to to think things thru and not act in haste.  you're able to visualize and think on what your actions may be, should be and in the end will be.  you allow your "self" to be a participant in the decision process.  thus the analogy of seeing your own reflcetion in the mirror, you can see your "self" when you reflect.  your actions are more in line w/what your heart is leading you to.  reflection lets you listen to and hear what your heart has to say and what your "self" feels.  to me reflection is associated w/inner guidence
 
i find that being able to reflect over important issues always gives you the right answer, we're the ones that sometimes choose not to follow that which we know is the best way to go.
aurora 
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12 years ago
Not linked to the main topic of this thread (which is interesting to read, by the way), but did you have the feeling, when you look in a mirror, that the person there is not yourself? There is a known issue in psychology called “the opinion/view you have about yourself”. It’s basically like a voodoo doll; everyone has in his/her mind an image of how he/she looks like, which is often far… far away from the physical appearance. The shy people see themselves small and unimportant. The depressed ones see themselves weak and dieing, the maniacs see themselves bustling and full of creative forces, and so on. Some see themselves ugly, but they are in fact beautiful on the outside. Some think the opposite. And some are both ugly on the inside and on the outside and they know that, so they live a poor life, balancing between inferiority complexes and envy. One start to change your life is to change to “voodoo puppet” in your soul. Do it in your childhood and you’ll have a wonderful life! Do it later and you’ll be changed! So as to be an optimist, you definitely need to have a positive outlook on yourself. For instance, I know most of my qualities and flaws, so I am a realist. But I have also a positive view on myself, a little exaggerated view. Why? Because there are more people who would call you an idiot than those who will call you a handsome man, so you need extra pride so as to win in life. I am fully aware of this exaggeration tough, and I know this is part of my “doll” but not from my self. Except for the view on myself, there is another thing with the image in the mirror: the discrepancy between my soul, as I know it, and my physical image. I see myself as I will never be in this life and, from this perspective, the image in the mirror is not my real self. I guess that, when I’ll be older, I’ll see the image in the mirror as a decaying vehicle, while my soul will continue to be young and bright… forever.
12 years ago
i agree w/your very clear description of how our souls (spirit) sees and feels one way and we look another (externally).  i'm not sure, however, that i view myself (which i do in a very positive tone) from an exaggerated point of view.  nor would i say that pride has anything to do w/it.  i know who i am and how i feel and look.  like you i can name my qualities and flaws.  both are what make me who i am.  having a positive sense of who you are just means that you're comfortable w/who you are and accepting of it.  this, i believe, is what comes out when others see you.  for instance i believe that i'm attractive, not because i've got a beautiful face but because i have something that makes me look that way.  be it charisma, charm, who knows,  i believe it comes from inside in the way i carry myself, present myself, and just am.  there's nothing fake ~ it.  these qualities i think are in tune w/who our souls are.  i think that the more we are in tune w/who we are inside the more the world outside can see who we really are.
a
once i was looking in the mirror and thinking "oh, i've got to lose 20 lbs, look at thes thighs, you know going through the body parts.  then all of a sudden i stopped and looked at myself once more and said "i'm absolutely beautiful, i'm a glowing being of light that shines and radiates.  i glow in the inside".  since then i know i still should lose the 20 lbs, but when i now look at myself all i see is this incredible being.  you think i'm starting to lose it?
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12 years ago
What’s the need for pride? Well… you know how people are… if they can hurt you, they won’t hesitate to do it. This is an ancestral (read animal) reaction, to show off, to minimize you and to highlight them through criticizing you. If someone tells me again and again that I’m ridiculous and awkward, I must parry and defend myself. In order to do this, I must be conclusive and eloquent, and say the contrary. I must believe what I say, I must convince me first of this, and then I must fight back. Why? Because, inside me, I know I’m unable of a normal social interaction. I am too idealist and too dreamy, I have beliefs that are not fashionable today. And I live in a decaying society, which doesn’t value what I see as important. Believe me or not, I’m 26, I’m far from the teenage period, so this is not similar to that turbid period. But I have a lot of unfinished fights and unsolved issues with myself. So yes, I do know I’m awkward! But I can’t play the role of a victim. People hate victims. I hate to be pathetic. What do I see in the mirror? A contradiction. I like how I look like as a spirit. I have a strong mind, I am almost free of a lot of chains the others still have. And I am ready to finish my Earth existence at any moment. But what I see in the mirror scares me. I see regrets. I see remorse. I see a lot of experience I missed. I see myself learning or playing alone while the others were having fun together. I see sacrifice to fulfill a difficult profession. I see a strong desire to be a superman, to be above the others, an attitude which now seems so wrong. It’s true you can’t have everything, but I wish I could’ve had a little from everything instead of having a lot from a few. Is this yearning for mediocrity? I think so.
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12 years ago
No way, Aurora! I think (and I feel) that you are a wonderful person, as you said! I don’t know how much is 20lbs converted in kilograms, but I met a lot of people who had an inner light, despite the image they could see in their mirrors. So, don’t worry!
12 years ago
thanks dear cezar.  that's very kind of you.  20 lbs is ~ 9 kilos.  it's a conversion of 2.2 kilos/pound. 
 
we all have regrets, remorse, etc.  remember however that there isn't anything that you can't let go of.  there isn't anything you can't do now that you may not have had a chance to do in the past.  you have spent time alone in the past, it's ok.  you shouldn't regret this as this is what has made you the strong individual you are.  sometimes our perception of being awkward is just that...our perception.  others may not even pick it up.  sometimes it's our comfort level around others.  all good things in life require some sort of sacrifice.  however i still don't get it as to why we see it as a sacrifice when we strive to attain something good.  it's better to think of it as not giving things up, but gaining things.
 
you're only 26...still so young.  you have an incredible career (one which you're obviously gifted at) and at this point "you" can choose to live your life which ever way you see it.  you're not alone in being idealistic or dreamy.  you'll see as time goes by and you get older that those people w/whom you interact with and involve yourself with are there because they see this in you and appreciate it.
 
personally i find it hard to believe that you're awkward w/others.  you may be gauging this by what you admire in others that you feel you lack, but that in fact is there just waiting for you to let it be.
a
............
12 years ago
I read your self-description/or your mirror sef-description dear Cezar and I see myself. Maybe not absolutely identical but so simmilar... except of one thing. Youre wiser than me, even if you're 10 yeas younger  I'm blessed to know someone like you. 
Question and comments for my friend Rajan...
12 years ago

You posted:

"We may partially conquer nature, subdue others, but we can never vanquish death. Death snatches away instantly all our  gains, victories. It is foolish and unwise to perform unvirtuous acts, acts of violence, injustice for the sake of transitory life. Reflection saves us from going astray, and keeps us moving on the path of justice and morality."

Perhaps believing in the permanence of the Spirit may be seen by some as being delusional, but quite honestly, I feel that it is more delusional for someone to experience life and not see the divine purpose.

Death can be viewed with an entirely different perspective. It doesn't have to be seen as an end to gains and victories. What we have experienced benefits the evolutionary unfolding of life. What about the tree that has existed for thousands of years? New life appears from the old...the environment leaves it's mark, but I would like to suggest the reflection of Buddha sitting beneath the tree from whence sprang his enlightenment.

What is to say that the old leaf that dries up and falls from the tree in the fall only to begin again in the spring does not reflect the importance of regeneration and continued existence? And don't forget the seed that it bears...which the wind carries to new locations?

Please...the power of reflection does not see delusion in imagination, for without it, where would humanity be today? 

"It is foolish and unwise to perform unvirtuous acts, acts of violence, injustice for the sake of transitory life."

Yes, but...because of the ability to choose, we become responsible for our actions. It requires seeing beyond the perimeter of vision...because we KNOW that there is more to be seen when we leave the home, the garden, the town and the country. It is unlimited! There is always more to see than what is in front of our nose! Don't just take ten steps or twenty steps! Take a LEAP of FAITH and go where no man has gone before...into the realm of the Spirit and it's eternity of experience! 

Love & Peace

  

Dear Mata
12 years ago

Thank you dear Mata! Knowing you to be a wonderful friend, and also wise, I acknowledge your point of view of human life. It is true that the Spirit lives on, and is not transient in the way the body is (transient), or in the way much of our external world is!

Isn't this (detrimental?) feeling of permanent-ness that often creates our attachments (unconsciously believing that our acquistions are permanent), and these are the very cause of our Spirit's bondage, and suffering. The very purpose "to get away from it all" is an attempt to cleanse the Soul's defilements, bondage. It is often said, "Life is a bridge, don't ever build a house on it" conveys this impermanence.

Reality is often veiled from our minds, and I (we) have to often reflect on happenings, events, possessions, attachments, and the more one is indulgent, the stronger the chains that bind us! Strangely, when we are bound by attachments, we actually move away from reality.

Dear Mata
12 years ago
I realise that I have not answered your questions well. I need to re-read your post a few times, and reflect on the valuable content once again!
(((HUGS)))
12 years ago

You answered my questions perfectly, Rajan! And I loved your statement..."Strangely, when we are bound by attachments, we actually move away from reality." this is so true!

The natural world is where we get our enlightenment! When we have climbed a mountain and have seen how small we are in comparison to our world...we can then go within and understand the intricate web connecting us all to a much greater essence!

The power of reflecting the glory of a supreme creator can bring immense satisfaction to an otherwise conditioned and mundane life. There is so much more to life than what we think that we know! Simply believing that, can give a quicker beat to a heart that might be deadened by the mercenary lifestyle that most of us need to survive in our man-made excursion.

When the Spirit remembers what true freedom is...death will no longer be a frightening thought.

Love & Peace 

12 years ago

I enjoyed reading about the mirror reflections, too! Ausra, you are a very good friend to give credit to Cezar for wisdom at the expense of your own!

The post you made is absolutely, wonderful advice, Aurora!

And Cezar...the voodoo doll idea is clever, and I know all too well the different thoughts that cross ones mind when looking at the appearance in the mirror. When thinking 'young spirit' versus looking for the effects of old age...you have gained the delightful ability to create a better reality for yourself than the one who sees old age as strictly a deterioration of body.

The body serves us well, as an obliging vehicle. If you look at it lovingly and respectfully...it responds! A car that has never been washed, had the oil checked, fuel tank filled and air put into the tires is certainly not going to take you very far.

But, back to the aging process...we, as spirit know that we have other lessons to be lived and learned for perfecting the experience. The body will be left behind and the Spirit will continue to experience the material world until it's no longer necessary. Each experience flavors the soul and eventually other dimensions will beckon. We CHOOSE to leave. Death is a graduation.

At my age, I am already preparing myself for this new adventure. I identify with the spiritual experience more so than the worldly. And as Rajan intimated...you can't take it with you...accumulated materials of the Earth...remain on the Earth, so why be bonded to it? It's only importance is to pave the path of experience. So, it's what you have absorbed from the experience that is most important.

If your challenge is accepted gracefully and you can maintain that positive nature, then you have achieved understanding.

It's no small fete to be ridiculed, persecuted and crucified...and yet ask that your enemies be forgiven with your last breath! What an example in forgiveness! If I can reflect even a slight semblance to that Master's devotion then I will have achieved a personal victory for my soul.

Love & Peace   

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12 years ago
I saw this topic last night, but it was too late and I came this morning only to reply to it. I think we touched something quite subtle here, so I’m going to continue this discussion. The thread goes blue-pinned. Why do I see it as sacrifice when I want to accomplish something good? As you said, Aurora, for some things there is need for sacrifice. The more important the thing is, the bigger the sacrifice. Estimating how big is a sacrifice is, of course, something plain subjective, but I always try to ask for the others’ opinion on how difficult an effort is. There must be balance, equilibrium, between our sacrifice and our achievement. If we sacrifice a lot for something easy to achieve, we feel very bad. On the contrary, if we do little effort for something great, we are very happy. However, there are people who are not pleased when they get something easily, feeling that they don’t deserve so much, they didn’t work for their achievement. But this is a minority. So, hard work and bad results; this is the key to my situation now. What is probably hard to imagine – and some of you might think this is just me complaining about my own problems, even exaggerating them – is that sometimes in your life your right of free will is diminished, and you are placed on a narrow road, where you have no escape but to keep going ahead. “There isn't anything you can't do now that you may not have had a chance to do in the past” – is a good advice, Aurora, but in reality, I am not as free as I’d like to be (and you know I love freedom). I woke up 2 hours ago, I’m in my hometown, I have nobody to talk to except my mother and my grandma (my grandpa is again in the hospital, however he is fine, he went there for some transfusions for his anemia), no friends in this town because I lived for 6 years in Cluj and all my friends are there, nowhere to have a walk because I know the town since my childhood and there aren’t too many facilities to have fun, and… of course… I have to read for my exam at least 6 hours per day. It’s like being in a monastery, a self-imposed reclusion. Do I have other alternative? No. Do I feel my sacrifice is in vain? Yes. Do I have an altered state of mind now, due to solitude? Probably yes. What is painful is that last year I passed through exactly the same thing, the same bibliography and the same exam. And the passion for medicine is not enough, believe me, because I do the same thing for months, so, no matter how beautiful it is, you reach that state of mind when you say: enough! Yet, your message touched some areas in my mind, Aurora! It was a well made message, that kind of message that goes directly to your heart, just like an arrow. It answered to some of my inner questions and I thank you for this. If I ponder a little, I can see that it’s not only you the one who’s talking to me, but Someone else using you to tell me something about myself. And I can see the same thing in Mata’s messages. Awkward… maybe it’s not the right translation. Matter of fact, there was one of my colleagues in the faculty who told me this. I usually disregard any bad words about me, but that came from a person I trusted, it was said in public and I saw there was something true about it. A negative suggestion, of course, but a poisoned one. Hopefully, I will return to that person victoriously after the exam, and ask her to look in my eyes and say the same thing. Be sure I’ll do that, because I always pay back, even after years of waiting! My dear Ausra, I saw what happened to you and to your group, but I was unable to send you an e-mail or message. However you gave me a good suggestion and example, so I withdraw myself from most of my groups and discussions. One reason for why I didn’t send you a mail is that I agree you need to take a break (although I don’t know what caused this to you), so no advice was necessary. We need a summer vacation, do we? And, from my perspective, I need to focus on the offline priorities. Our groups are mostly a reflection (yeah, it suits to the title of this topic) of our own mind, so let’s give the others the opportunity to add their own reflections, because I can’t imagine they are purrrfect. I hope you read this topic. “Life is a bridge, don't ever build a house on it” – this is a wonderful saying, Rajan. But I’ve always been a person who finds pleasure in building something. It doesn’t matter if it’s a house, a family, friendship, etc. It’s true that life is impermanent, but there are things that survive you. A home survives you and is a heritage to your children/loved ones. A man/woman you helped is something that is going to last. In my profession there are numerous cases of people coming to the coffin of a dead doctor and saying: “Doc, you saved my life! I live now because of you!” So, you see, not everything vanishes when we die. There are things that persist even after our departure. And there is no river strong enough to ruin the whole bridge. After all these years of discussion in this group, Mata, I came to the conclusion (I’m sure I’m not the first to notice this) that I live in 2 modes: the spiritual mode and the human mode. During the everyday life, I am mostly in the human mode: I have things to do and care for. But when I come to the group, I switch to the spiritual mode, and I can afford some intellectual discussions. And there is such a big difference between the 2 modes!... Usually, when I encounter a big problem, something that seems impossible to overcome, I tend to struggle in the human mode, so as to find a solution. And sometimes, my mother looks at me and tells me: everything is going to come to an end, eventually. And I found myself back to the spiritual mode, from which this life is seen as “just another experience
Following Mata's message...
12 years ago
For those having problems imagining how small we are compared to our world, here is a link to an image of our Universe, as it looks like in reality. http://files.myopera.com/cezaronu/albums/227179/Universe.jpg What you see are not stars, but galaxies. This is a cluster of galaxies, one small part of our World.
Altered States...
12 years ago

Hi Cezar,  you were in a very philosophical mood when you wrote that, weren't you? I enjoyed that picture of the galaxy. It is awesome to think of how small we really are, but still...I can't accept that it is over when I die...I've had too many strange things happen in my life, and I don't think that it was just my imagination, or that I'm entirely crazy.     But we won't rule anything out. So far, my life has been a great event for me...I'm not hard to please...being a Serf.

I don't know why you feel that your professional experience would be in vain...you have successfully saved your grandfather's life through your medical knowledge. Maybe what you are experiencing is something like what the astronauts feel after they have seen the Earth from a different perspective. We MUST be aware of our existance...how else can we come to any conclusions about the truth? The unlimited truth.

I hope that everything is going smoothly for you and your family. You'll always have my fond and positive thoughts. I appreciate your friendship and the learning experience that we all share here...we really are connected in a spiritual, cyber way.

What has happened to Ausra and her group? I am worried now. I hope that she's all right.

Love & Peace

Mata, I'm sorry
12 years ago
I made you or anyone worry for me. Everything will be ok  one day. I hope.
 I was (and still am) going through some personal crisis because of a heartbreak after online friendship that seemed to be very sincere and promissing and turned to be an illusion.
I've ben feeling really misserable for a few months already and my depresion was often reflected in my posts. This caused my withdrawal from my group and care2 for everyone elses sake. No one enjoys a company of constantlysad, crying and complaining person. I decided to step away for awhile. Till my heart heals and my moods will become stable, till I feel strong enough again.

Plus it seems all my friends have troubles at the meantime: some are ill themselves, some have ill children, some got troubles at work or in family life. Just very seldom I hear good news from lucky chosen ones who can travel anywhere they wish all around the world. Some of my friends' problems are really big (a cancer) and I feel misserable complaining about mine... This makes me feel guilty and ashamed for self-pityness and doesn't do any good for me...

This group is meant to be a source of possitive thoughts but I had nothing possitive to offer.
Now you see what I meant talking about stepping away for everyone's sake?

Dear Cezar... I missed you a lot (your posts/letters, writen in your spiritual mode, are a refuge for my soul every time I read them)...  and, to be honest, I was very saddened then I noticed you had left my group  but I saw you had left other groups as well, so I figured out that you might have needed a break as well and hope you'll come back then you feel like that. I'm not much happy that I was the bad example for such decision though.
And you're not the one who left after me taking a break. It seems that I have scared everyone and a very few people come to my group now. We never had lots of active members but it never was so quet as now .... Let's hope it's just a summer/vacation thing but not a beginning of the end...
12 years ago

Ausra!  No one is positive all the time, and you'll always have something to offer, as sweet as you are to people.

Besides we can always reflect on romance, relationships and heartbreak at this group. It's for learning and helping others to gain and maintain positive thinking.

If it's time for you to get some attention, then you shall have it!

http://home.austin.rr.com/normsternfeld/broken%20heart.htm

How to survive a broken heart...

You can’t make somebody stay with you, all you can do is be lovable and the rest is up to them.

1.     Overwhelming thoughts, associations, memories, pain.

2.     Obsessing, painful images, waves of unreality, haunted in your dreams.

3.     Denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, acceptance.

4.     Fear of loneliness, I’ll never find love like that again.

5.     Isolation, loss of will, low energy, not caring whether you live or die.

6.     Poor self care, letting yourself go, not caring about yourself.

7.     Feelings of rejection, inferiority, inadequacy, guilt.

8.     Disturbed patterns, loss of appetite, poor sleep.

9.     Seeking pain relief, escape, compulsiveness.

10.   Floods of tears, songs that tear you up, places you just can’t go.

Continued...
12 years ago
What to do to survive.

1.  Let it out, cry, scream, hit pillows, write out your thoughts, talk it out.

2.  Put your newfound time into improving your living space, clean, make a life for yourself.

3.  Put energy into improving yourself, take a class, get some therapy, read.

4.  Take excellent care of yourself, eat well, get the rest you need, clean up.

5.  Shape up, join a gym, beautify.

6.  Create quality life experiences for yourself, go out, do stuff, go! You might meet somebody!

7.  Open up to new relationships, connect with lots of people, go and play with different communities of people you know.

8.   Practice wishing the same for your departed lover as you wish for yourself. This practice will keep you out of the poison of destructive or violent thoughts.

9.   Remember the parts of the relationship that didn’t work (if it didn’t work for them it couldn’t have worked for you). Remember you have been spared.

10. Stand for yourself, (their loss) just cause they didn’t get you doesn’t mean no one will, you can have all those great feelings again, and maybe even better.

Life has a funny way of making everything ok. Someday may you look back upon all the people who have ever loved you with an appreciation and fondness for what they contributed to your life. Love is the greatest gift of all even when it is taken away. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I believe that. Ultimately we are back when we can love our lives again. That can be accomplished with or without a new relationship. But it takes forgiveness, acceptance, and initiative. Living a life we love is really pretty simple it’s just not always easy. Living a big life has the tears and the laughter. Sorrow can make us deep and rich, compassionate and kind if we let our hearts be our guide. May you again love like you’ve never been hurt.

12 years ago

It sounded like good advice. The whole decade of the 90's were a real heartache for me. Faith in the Great Spirit of God helped me through...as well as friends and family. Keep the faith.

I'll be saying some prayers for you.

Love & Peace

12 years ago

Thank you Mata! Thanks for your spiritual support and the article.
Yes, all these symptoms are SO familiar and some of those "methods" of healing sound pretty wise.
Not all. If you bring syptom No 5. (Isolation, loss of will, low energy, not caring whether you live or die. (better die than live without beloved one) and cure No 8. (Practice wishing the same for your departed lover as you wish for yourself. This practice will keep you out of the poison of destructive or violent thoughts.) together it wouldn't be a good solution. That's why I wish him all the best , and even better things than to me myself. There was no day, no hour or minute I wished him any bad things to happen. I didn't escape from lots of destructive thoughts though. Self-destructive ones (all range from No 1 to No 7).
Advice to find new relationships didn't work for me at all. My trust in online relationships was fully destroyed. So, I didn't add any new "friends" for quite a long time. And even now, then I started to accept new friendship requests again I don't look at them as the real ones, I feel the barrier between me and all those people (sorry if there is someone from my new "friends" reading this but that is true- I don't trust online relationships any more) I also had a chance to start some real life relationship with a good man (well, at least my friends who brought us together said so) but 2 dates we had were a real fiasco because of my whole self rejecting this person and longing for the ex-one.
The worst thing is that I can't neither end with him for ever (his friendship was too pretious to let it end) and can't stay with him as ONLY friends as he would like it to be since I need more than that. Because of such undecisiveness I had 3 months of greatest happiness (best months in all my life) until my hopes were "killed" during one open conversation. And after that there were 6 months of hell, strugling and pain trying to accept new conditions/new status or make it all end and live without him.
I couldn't make it end... still keep in touch with that person hoping I will manage to become his friend. Just friend... but a really good one that will never cause him troubles/stress due to un-controlled emotions and feelings. If I won't learn to control my feelings our frienship will have no future.
Not sure if he cares for keeping our relationship alive as much as I do though. I wish he did, and put some efforts to keep it.
Or maybe I shouldn't? shouldn't struggle to keep/fix something that seems to be broken? Once he made a comparison between me and his ex-wife, telling that I resemble her being controlling or something then I asked too many questions about his day and what he had been doing. I didn't say him but got offended by this comparison 'cos I'm not his ex and I don't behave the same way she possibly did. My questions were not control but only care. But now, I sometimes catch myself thinking and/or behaving like a desperate wife who's strugling to keep the marriage that is dead already. That is a shocking discovery.

OK, that's enough. Don't want to occupy all this page and take all your time. If I let my thoughts/reflections go as far as they can go there would be no end to it.

Thanks for your kind attention and support.

...
12 years ago
Sorry folks! My tracking of this group is a mess, so I only saw this now. Can’t answer to you Mata, ‘cause Ausra is a priority. So, step-by step answers: Online friendship is ok. It was a real pleasure for me to meet Rajan, although I was deeply scared the moment he told me to meet him. You never know who is at the other end of the line. Online romance is a bad idea. One of the reasons I joined the discussions on Care2 (among other reasons) was the fact I hoped to meet HER. A very close member of my family (can’t name) found her nowadays boyfriend on a dating site (a Romanian one). I myself, before you all got to know me, used the same site to date 2 girls. And yes, I met them both. One of them was a bit younger than me and she took me to shopping… bras… if you can imagine… I saw her twice and then gave up. The second one was healing from a broken relationship and wanted only conversation. But the summer holiday came and she went away. You know what’s the problem with the ones who had other partners (i.e. wife), Ausra? They can make comparisons. They can evaluate you according to their own experience. One thing I fear myself. Wasn’t it better, during the old times, when the bride had to be a virgin? She could then be a “slave” for her husband and the possibility of cheating was much diminished. No comparisons in her mind – if you know what I mean. Nowadays, there are some standards of evaluation for a potential partner, standards coming from the excessive experience people have in this field. Not necessarily a bad thing, but bad for me. And for you, Ausra. The man had a history. Either he tries to live with it and be careful what he’s saying, or he is free to go. You know that the shadows of the past haunt us, do you? As for your wish to keep your online friend (the ex-one… how true!) “just-a-friend”, I strongly advise you to avoid doing that. It was impossible for me to do this in real life, with my ex-girlfriend. When we decided to separate, it was so much anger that it was impossible to become friends again. I saw people being successful in doing this, but my inner structure and her inner structure made this impossible for us (we were rather possessive). This is a no return path. She found a new boy-friend and she fixed her life; I couldn’t do that. It’s about the love I can’t deny I had for her. How could I look at her while kissing another man? Well, I could. But – believe me – it’s simply impossible to talk to her again. Inevitable, you come to discuss about her life and I suppose you can imagine how embarrassing a chat about her new boy-friend could be! Or how embarrassing a chat with him about her could be! So Ausra, if you share my inner structure (and it’s only you the one who knows that), don’t walk a road you know the destination by now (as I described it)! If you resemble to most of the characters of “Young and Restless” or “Bold and Beautiful” soap movies (it’s impossible not to know them), who change (or share) their wives/husbands/partners and yet manage to always remain friends, you might be successful in what you’re doing now. Yet, I am a bit sorry about the fiasco you had with that second guy. Again, in my opinion, one can’t have 2 loves at the same time. It’s difficult to put it at plural: love, loves… There is no room for the second one if you don’t throw away the ex-one. There are people who love several partners at the same time. The Arabs, for instance. They are polygamists. Then, there are – as I heard – people who have one partner for their bodies and one partner for their souls. Pretty odd! Or, if you want to go deeper, there are people like Freddy Mercury (Queen), who had one beloved husband and one beloved wife (read in Wikipedia, ‘cause this is an open group and I can’t say more). But I deeply believe that a feeling, a passion, is at its best, when you focus it on only one person. Only take what you feel it’s right from my message, Ausra! G’night!
12 years ago
Thank you dear Cezar. That proud emo man with a cigar looks funny but after reading your message I feel like I've been talking to a wise big brother (brother I never had), and it makes me feel good.

Yes, I'm simmilatr to you- possesive and one person loving (one at a time). This mister is only the 2nd one i ever loved in my life.
My first love came to me only 5 years ago and was the same failure as this one. It took me about a year to fully accept my love's marriage with another woman and my heart was closed to any other relationships for 4 years then.  Still it always hurt then I talked about him with his mom. Yes, I manage to get into weirdest situations then it comes to love. His mom was the first person I talked about my feelings to him, not he himself. And she was my greatest supporter all the time and is my dear friend up till now, even if she has another as her daughter-in-law and his son stopped any communication with me from the moment his wife came to live with him from her country. Even if I used to say myself that I'm happy if only he's happy, it was never easy. Well, I think I was lucky they lived far apart and I wasn't made to see them kissing I wouldn't be strong enough to look at that.   I know that for sure from how I feel now (or felt a month or two ago) then I see others flirting with the guy I'm in love now. Love shouldn't be possesive but I am. And I am jeallous. Never thought I could be, but I am   And that killed  our nice relationship.
The luggage of the past... yes, it's the worst thing one might meet with. But you know, I'm at such age when one can't really expect to meet someone of the simmilar age (or older as in my case) with no past. We should be ready for what it brings. The same as the other side should be ready to deal with his/her past the same as with our one (no matter how rich or not it is).
I don't know what will happen next... but...
well, call me a mazohist if you wish but I contacted that person again and we chatted again a little... I really don't know where it will lead me but I wanted to hear from him.... I'm weak and silly I know... so much use of all wise advice you or anyone gave to me...
Dear Cezar
12 years ago
It was a great pleasure in meeting you in person! I did know you substantially through close association in discussions in this wonderful Group. It wasn't a big surprise, but a great pleasure. And friendships bond well when friends meet in person!
Non-attachment
12 years ago

For the practice of non-attachment,

One must consider herself/himself to be a traveller passing through life. Nothing here is truely one's own, - including the body, mind, and all external objects, - consider these as a temporary loan one has been given. She/he should not grieve over loss, nor be unduly overjoyed with gain. One should remember that these objects are borrowed for a specific purpose, and may provide a little enjoyment, joy. And while one is living life and obtaining a little joy, one should not forget that sooner or later one will leave everything behind. Thus, the principle of non-attachment provides a constant awareness of Reality. It does not imply non-enjoyment, but encourages one to apply oneself towards the highest goals in life, instead of sinking oneself in a whirlpool of desires, or craving.

Many of us are slaves to our own actions, but when actions are performed with detachment, one becomes the master, and not the slave, and is no longer bound to receive their fruits. Instead, one becomes free to receive or reject what she/he chooses from them.

An action in itself never binds; it is only the fruits of that action that binds one. One can even find joy in renouncing the desire to enjoy the fruits of her action. Action performed with attachment makes one helpless, for she/he has no choice but to enjoy or suffer the fruit of that action. Action performed with non-attachment benefits all, without creating a bondage to the performer. If one thinks that it is proper to receive rewards, or gains for one's noble actions, then she/he may accept them and keep only what is necessary, and distribute the remainder of such gain to others.

Non-attachment must not be mis-understood to be either complacency or indifference! Complacency does not encourage a person to improve progressively, whereas non-attachment inspires a person to seek higher attainments. And indifference is usually indulged in, as an escape when one finds oneself unable to cope up, or face a difficult situation squarely. In indifference, one tries to seek a path of escape.

One who is non-attached meets all challenges that come her/his way without allowing them to disturb her tranquillity or calm mind. Such a person remains unaffected by both success and failure. 

12 years ago

 Hi Everyone!

It looks like Ausra and Cezar shared some good advice...and Rajan your message about non-attachment is great, because that's the only way that I can get through this life without becoming impatient, angry and frustrated. Not that those feelings don't happen, it's just that they don't dominate.

Sometimes it's very difficult to be able to stand back from a situation that impacts your emotions and stay cool. That's why it's important to think about your feelings...understand why you feel that way. Know that it's just a reaction to the circumstance and go on to something else. It would be nice if elementary school children could have a course in psychology, just to understand the emotions and how to better control the reaction.   

Many of us are slaves to our own actions, but when actions are performed with detachment, one becomes the master, and not the slave, and is no longer bound to receive their fruits. Instead, one becomes free to receive or reject what she/he chooses from them.

You are aware of your intelligence, your abilities and your surroundings, and through non attachment, you see that things in life are happening but, how you react to them is the key. You can react in many different ways...some actions are useful and direct, some may appear counterproductive, but still you are able to gain benefit, even if it's the long way around.

Love & Peace

12 years ago

It is interesting that one could never truly practice detachment while having ANY type of addiction.

Also, I would mention that I have read many different religious texts advise to practice reflection as a means of or form of cleansing or at least a preparation for cleansing.  This includes traditional Christianity which basically states if we practice reflection during our lives, we will have less burden after death. 

To break bonds...
12 years ago

Siddhartha (Buddha) states,

To break bonds is to acquire freedom. It is to put away from us what is not ours! Buddha explains that each one of us does posses these attributes,

Ajanta - there is something unborn,

Abhuta - there is something unbecoming,

Akata - there is something unmade,

Asamkhata - there is something uncomposite,

Amata - there is something undying!

 "Change and decay in all around I see, O Thou who changes not."

Great post everyone, Thank you.
12 years ago

Is it possible for an entity to both heal, and grow at the same time?  I think through all I know and it seems like we or any part of Nature can only do one or the other operation at one time.  Since the physical is but an extension of the etheric, the answer should be true on both physical and etheric planes, should it not?

12 years ago

But, Don...isn't to heal, actually to grow? I believe that we have been doing both all of our lifetimes. That is action...the wheel, the cycle of life. Karma. The only way to avoid it is by sitting and contemplating...sure, that's a good way to become closer to God...in one aspect. But the true challenge is to interact with others, and still maintain that flow...when you can truly LOVE me, and treat me kindly, even though I may irritate you, then you have made a leap in evolution.

Breaking the bonds of conditioning really is the healing factor.

Maybe we do possess abhuta...unbecoming, I take that to mean ugliness, but when you also know that you possess ajanta...unborn, I take that to mean that there is still something within you that has yet to manifest. When it does it can be the most beautiful thing in the world. An action of love and understanding for others...and self.

When we concentrate on what's right with the world, what's wrong takes less precedence. This is the message that the Master's send out. It's so easy...yet we make it out to be the most complicated ideal to comprehend.

12 years ago

Rajan, in my heart of hearts...I feel that the great 'O Thou' does change, also...it's the pattern of the universal flow...for which the 'O thou', is responsible.

Love & Peace

I don't know
12 years ago

But Mata,  I mean to look at nothing negative in this.  It is true that decay is part of the process for all things physical.  It appears that the physical should be an extension of the etheric or heavenly, therefore by simple logic what is true on one plane should be true on the other.  LOL To a point of course!

If all things either grow or die, (i.e. flower, humans, etc.)  it would imply that healing could only take place during growth and so they can only take place simultaneously which is good.  My wonder is in say a starfish or earthworm, which can lose a limb and regenerate it, or ourselves, which can receive a paper cut or even larger injury and regenerate.  I believe your answer has got to be true by simple logic.  Thank you Mata.

12 years ago

 You can call it simple logic...maybe this is what you're looking for...the equation for life. But only a scientist can understand it.

11Na23 + 8O16 + Electrical Excitation TMP + ATP Energy = 19K39 + Bio-Energy

An excellent video about what's going on in every cell in your body right now...watch it, and tell me that God doesn't change, too. It's all in the genetic make up, we are reflections of God. If we change, then that must mean that God changes too. The universe is in constant motion, just like the constant motion within the cell. There is a pattern...as the workings within, are similar to the workings around us.

http://www.xvivo.net/press/harvard_university.htm

"The Inner Life of the Cell" takes undergrads beyond textbooks and vividly illustrates the mechanisms that allow a white blood cell to sense its surroundings and respond to an external stimulus. This animation explores the different cellular environments in which these communications take place.

I like the skinny stick guy walking the fine line carrying the big blue ball on his shoulders.

12 years ago

bravo. 

My reflection of this day....
12 years ago
Lithuanian calendars say that 21 Sept. is the beginning of the Indian Summer (Bobu vasara in Lithuanian). I think it's the right date, esp. this year.
Despite of the fever that attacked me on Friday and still doesn't leave me alone
I really enjoyed the weekend. All those days- from Friday (09-21) up till now (and maybe till the next weekend) are amazingly nice-weather is warm and pleasant, the sun is shining and only the light breeze dwells sometimes...

But the real Indian Summer was felt and seen on Sunday. It wasn't just the most pleasant weather. it was something else... Some magic in the air...

I felt like witnessing something miraculous seeing all those threads of little spiders floating in the air and stretching from one plant or thing to another, carried by the light and warm breeze. It took JUST an eye blink for new threads to appear. One second you go somewhere and the way is free, another sec you turn around- the way is crossed by a few silky barriers already. They are shining in the sun and make you feel like you're in the wonderland...

One cannot see this mirracle to happen in the large citty. It's something that only nature has.

Last year at this time I was in Vilnius, visiting my aunt and the grave of my uncle who died in summer. We went to the cementary eaarly in the morning (before leaving home) . It was a sunny morning with a big dew... and all taller plants in the meadows and the cementarry , as well as crosses had at least one beautiful spider web on them covered by dew... It was FANTASTIC. (and my biggest loss as well since I had no cam with myself to photograph this)
http://www.efoto.lt/files/images/3988/20060803%20087-1%20m.jpg
(it's not my pic if someone wonders)
btw
12 years ago
will we have the Autumn thread similar to Spring and Summer ones with nice photos by members of this group? (I'm not telling with your pics, Cezar but you know I meant that )
12 years ago

BEAUTIFUL, Ausra!

Love & Peace

so emotional...
12 years ago

Well, actually it's very hard to read this thread and reflect at the same time hearing how those of us in this developmental stage of "intimacy v. isolation" is going through this, and I suffer. This thread made me cry, it's so hard. It cuts so sharply into my soft core. Why is it so difficult? Really, things in nature being our example makes it seem that it should be effortless. Is there a drought of truth and development for humans. I'm sorry I know this is a positive thinking thread, but this topic of relatonship development is the one that cosumes me with self doubt and real fear. I've failed, I'm isolated and I can't seem to accomplish the list of things to do, yah I'm taking classes, classes are fine, I never had a problem learning is it leading me to intimacy....? Definitely not. I feel apart from my class.

Anyway I wish I had read it earlier because I've been going through really hard reflection on it. You might not know that my mom and I were vacationing for 3 weeks and I started a nursing program in August so I too have been involved in study. Cezar I had no idea you are a doctor, for some reason I thought my mom had said you were a businessman .... anyway, my congratulations for your dedication to study, as you said your rewards are the helping others and the good thoughts and feelings it will generate for you even after your body has died and your spirit has passed on. I hope my desire to help people will make up for my hideous failure in this stage thus far, what can bring me hope and not disappoint me? Even I disappoint myself. Ugh.

Anyway, I can't even focus my thoughts I've identified with so many things and now I just feel to get away and start with the studying again. For all like me still in the "intimacy v isolation" stage, I wish you success and leave you with a quote.

You're not defeated when you're bleeding,

or when your eyes are full of tears.

Your just defeated when you're thinking,

you must give up your dreams.

Mariah...
12 years ago

A businessman? LOL!

OK, I’ll give you a link to a rare photo of me, taken almost 2 years ago. I was preparing for an exam, for the interview with the professor. One of my colleagues took this instant photo:

http://files.myopera.com/cezaronu/albums/227179/Cezar%20MD.jpg

Thank you for your thoughts!

12 years ago

Great picture, Cezar...Mariah's at class right now, but I'll tell her that you posted a response.

She misunderstood me,  I told her that Rajan is a textile businessman and that you were becoming a doctor.

Love & Peace

:)
12 years ago

I agree with mom, great picture, thanks for sharing. Also seeing it makes me thankful that no one has taken a picture of me in  my clinical uniform, it's truly embarassing compared with standard nursing garb. How I'd love to wear jeans!

Also, here is a link to my little blog on "reflections"... don't know how similar it is to the train of thought mirrored here.

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-Yd1FEYU8frU82s3.hm914Hr2VOg-?cq=1&tag=reflection

Is there is a reason to reflect?
12 years ago
An intelligent young man kept putting off, or driving away life's deeper questions so that he could indulge a little more in a few pleasures, and escape the responsibility to reflect upon the truth, the real. Time after time he promised himself that next week, next month, or next year he would change his life for the better.

Then one day, riding his powerful motorcycle he sped at great speed, and unfortunately, met with a serious accident, or death, so to speak. Time had run out on him, and all his plans and promises to himself for making a new start in life could never be fulfilled. It was a terrifying experience, or the last "reflection". He tried to sit up, but couldn't! It was no dream, he was on his death bed, and too late to make the change!
12 years ago

A great picture Cezar...  I can see a multitude of thoughts, shining like a bright aura...

Robbie....

 

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