When a male can't stand it anymore!
A photographer will die of old age waiting to get another shot like this one.
This post was modified from its original form on 11 May, 19:17
I really enjoyed those jokes. They were really cute. Thank you.
Each evening bird lover Tom Rowe stood in his backyard in Devon, England, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Rowe even kept a log of the “conversation.” Just as Rowe thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with next door neighbor, Nancy Hollis.
“My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls,” said Mrs. Rowe.
“That’s odd,” Mrs. Hollis replied. “So does my John.”
Then it dawned on them.
Noah opens up the ark and let all the animals out, telling them to "Go forth and multiply!"
He's closing the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner.
So he says to them, "Didn't you hear me? You can go now. Go forth and multiply."
"We can't," said the snakes. "We're adders."
Murphy's First Law of Birding: The greater the time spent searching for a rare bird, the greater the chances it will be stood on your car when you return to the car park!
A first grade class teacher, for the "Natural World" section of her class, had a lesson about owls.
She explained to the class about how they are nocturnal, how they can swivel their heads so far in either direction that it looks like they can turn them completely around, etc., etc. Then she described how the birds swoop down to get their prey for dinner.
Following the lesson, she asked the children to draw a picture of one of the fascinating things owls do.
Looking over the pictures, she praised and applauded each child on their efforts. She was puzzled, however, by one drawing. It was of an owl with its wings neatly folded, its eyes closed and a dead mouse nearby. "Exactly what is this showing?" she asked.
The little girl explained, "It's just like you said 'The owl swoops down and prays before dinner.'"
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants!
A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need help"
"Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot!"
How Do You Catch a Special Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Special Pet Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area!
Where do frogs keep their treasure?
In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!
What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
What is the maggot army called?
The Apple Corps!
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs!
Who is the worm's Prime Minister?
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?
It has a blue light!
Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
Q: What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A: A bird who knocks before delivering its message!
Q: What do you call a very rude bird?
A: A mockingbird!
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-cafe!
Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With it's sparrowchute!
Q. When would a mouse really need an umbrella?
A. When it's raining cats and dogs!
A bird suddenly appears at a chemist's counter.
"Some lip balm please" it asked.
"Would you like to pay by cash or cheque", asked the assistant.
The bird replied "Just put it on my bill please"!
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because if they walked, it would be winter by the time they got there!
A birder is leading a tour of novice birders. He points out a large bird in a distant tree and says, "Look there - a bald eagle"
"How can you tell?" one of the novice birders asks.
"His feathers are all combed over to one side"
Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!
Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
How does a skunk call home?
On his smell-ular phone.
1. What did the frog say in an inch of water?
2. What do you get when you cross a German Shepard and a Skunk?
Law and Odor
3. What did the Pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?
(to the Pink Panther theme) Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant ,dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead aaaaant......
What do frogs like to drink?
Why is it hard to talk to a ram?
Because he keeps butting in!
What is a snake's favorite subject?
What time is it when an elephant sits on your park bench?
Time to get a new bench!
Why do giraffes have such long legs?
Because they don't like the smell of their feet!
What kind of snake is good at math?
How do elephants talk to each other?
A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.
Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.
About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!'
The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening.
She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen.
She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog kept repeating, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"
THE RABBIT AND THE SNAKE
A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
oooooo...ouch ack, my stomach hurts
Oh dear, thanks for the laughs guys, I needed that!!!
Like the idea!
Why wouldn't the leopard take a bath?
He didn't want to get spotlessly clean.
What do skunks do when they get angry?
They raise a stink.
What do you call a well-dressed lion?
A dandy lion (dandelion).
What do you call a vaccination given to a boy deer?
Why didn't the elephant get rich?
He was willing to work for peanuts.
How did the kangaroo convict escape?
He jumped bail.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked in?
Odor (order) in the court.
What did the mole publisher print?
An underground newspaper.
Why was the little elephant six hours late for dinner?
He had to wash behind his ears before coming to the table.
What kind of music do monkeys like?
How long can a camel go without water?
Until it gets thirsty!
A man was walking down the beach at sunset. As he walked along, he saw another man in the distance. He noticed this man kept leaning down, picking up something and throwing it out into the water, again and again. As he approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach. He was throwing them back into the water, one by one.
Puzzled, he approached the man and said, "Good Evening. I was wondering what you are doing."
"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the ocean, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."
"But, there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possible get to all of them. And don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"
The man bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into the ocean. With a smile he replied, "Made a difference to that one!!!"
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.
One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.
"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!"
"Not now! I'm eating."
"Oh come on!" said the rabbit. "It's really important."
"Please. It's urgent."
So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.
"Well, rabbit," he panted. "What did you want to tell me?"
"Hey, Teddy," the rabbit began, "look how many berries are on the other side of the river."