8 Awful Things God Intends for Men

Hey, were you aware that getting pregnant with your rapist’s baby is “something God intended“? It’s true! Indiana Republican Senate candidate, Richard Mourdock, told us so. The recent rash of offensive GOP comments on pregnancies resulting from rape has me thinking: is God really that much of a misogynist, or is it maybe the male politicians who see fit to speak on God’s behalf that are the problem here? If women dominated the political arena and demonstrated the same hubris, I wonder which terrible things might they say that men should consider “blessings in disguise”?

Here are 8 ideas:

1. Baldness

Men may hate losing their hair, but that’s just part of God’s design. Trying to intervene with Propecia or a toupee is like declaring, “I know better than God about what I should look like.”

2. Prostate Cancer

Even though having cancer in the butt doesn’t sound fun, men should try to appreciate the experience that God has gifted. After all, paying the resulting exorbitant health care fees is a great way to help stimulate the economy.

3. Shorter Life Spans

On average, women live several years longer than men. While that may seem like an unfair discrepancy, it’s really just God’s way of saying, “I like you guys more, and want you in Heaven in sooner.”

4. Being Drafted

Though the Selective Service hasn’t been utilized as of late, with America’s propensity for wars – particularly those that politicians claim God views as righteous – it only makes sense that God wants men to be drafted. And if God decides that they are to survive warfare, it is likely his intention that they will suffer from PTSD or unemployment when they return home.

5. Erectile Dysfunction

No one wants to lose the ability to perform sexually, but for some, that’s what God intended. Taking Viagra is like spitting in God’s face; men should embrace God’s hint to be emotionally attentive to their partners’ needs instead.

6. Losing Child Custody

When courts show favoritism toward mothers in child custody hearings, fathers should feel blessed to only see their kids every other weekend. All of that free time will allow them to pursue new interests.

7. Back Hair

Sometimes God incorporates his sense of humor into his plan. Deal with it.

8. Serving Rape Sentences

It seems like an awful way to thank someone who has potentially just given a woman the ultimate gift (a surprise child!), but it is also part of God’s plan to send rapists to jail. And I’m pretty sure he wants them to be there a long, long time.

Related Stories:

Rape Is “Something God Intended” Says GOP Senate Candidate Richard Mourdock

Obama Calls Akin’s Comments “Offensive”, Adds “Rape Is Rape”

GOP in Panic Over Rape Gaffe

Photo credit: Thinkstock


James Crowley
James Crowley5 years ago

Richard- I do not pretend that I know GOD's reasons for everything writen in the bible. But, I am a CHRISTIAN and I follow his only son, Jesus Christ. He was send to earth to die on the cross for you and for me. Jesus is the only way you can be with our creator. The more you learn about Jesus, the more you will understand GOD's intentions for our life. Our very SOUL's are being fought for everyday. If you want to know more about the LOVE of GOD, read more in the New Testament of the bible (in which we live in today) and use the Old Testament of the bible (in which the people of the past, before Christ lived) to remind us how it was before Christ gift. You must start thinking with your heart and not just your mind, if you want to try and understand GOD. You must turn from your sins and start living for Jesus to understand these things and truly have a blessed life...AMEN !!!

Richard Zane Smith

James says:
"God's Word is actually God Himself. That means that everything we read in the Word of God, God stands behind and is ready to perform today"

"Happy shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against
the rock!" (Psalms 137:9)

"The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled
against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be
dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open." (Hosea 13:16)

sorry James your sales pitch isn't working. If you believe the bible is inerrant, you have to take it all...you can't be selective or explain it away. "God, the same yesterday and today"

James Crowley
James Crowley5 years ago

God's Word is actually God Himself. That means that everything we read in the Word of God, God stands behind and is ready to perform today.This Video can explain more, if you really want to have meaning to your life!!! Please watch with a open mind and heart....


Harley Williams
Harley W5 years ago

You are right Michael consequences is the better word.

Michael M.
Michael T5 years ago

Ah yes everything is only about rewards and punishment. As opposed to consequences.

Harley Williams
Harley W5 years ago

Some of that list is what men do to themselves by their actions. Doing the wrong thing often brings it's own punishment.

Marilyn L.
Marilyn L5 years ago

I'm a woman and I find this artilce terribly offensive.

Arild Warud

Don't worry.there's no God.

Richard Zane Smith

tizhameh! ("thanks" in Wyandot)
Humanizing ANY concept of deity oughta drive any thinking person to fits of laughter.
Any god concept where the BIG guy "loses his cool" is a sitting duck for target practice.
You know me, I'm no atheist, but maybe a kind of iconoclast? HATE fake stuff, always have.
love what Bethany H. said on the disabled grandchild post:
(many) "make the mistake of thinking god is a person, and "thinks" the same way as us. I'd suggest god is a phenomenon, that we can get glimpses of, but can't understand with our brains alone..."
Now why can't MOST people with spiritual beliefs be this bright?

Regula G.
Regula Graham5 years ago

Absolutely spot on.