How Do You Stop Gay Marriage? Ban Marriage Entirely, Says Oklahoma Lawmaker

You know that Oscar Wilde quote, “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life”? Well sometimes life imitates The Onion and makes you want to Hulk-smash everything.

In response to a court decision that held that it was illegal to ban marriages between same-sex couples in Oklahoma, a state lawmaker wants to — and I’m not making this up — get rid of marriage for everyone in the state. Apparently, Rep. Mike Turner’s constituents are ready to have this discussion.

I want to emphasize that this is 100 percent real. In order to keep gay people from marrying, actual lawmakers are proposing we eliminate marriage entirely.

Turner isn’t just blowing smoke, either. He submitted a bill. Turner has also called for a second vote to ban same-sex marriage, even though, as mentioned previously, a court ruled that the ban was unconstitutional. He said it would give anti-marriage equality lawmakers “an arrow in the quiver.” I’m guessing that means that he wants to give an opportunity for their bigoted bona fides to shine in time for the next election. Super gross.

Critics of Turner’s actions say that it’s just a publicity stunt. Let’s face it. In part, it probably is. I’m a little skeptical that something like this would pass. However, it shows the lengths to which anti-LGBT factions will go to prevent the gays from ruining marriage for the rest of us.

Its interesting, though, what Turner is doing. An argument against same-sex marriage is, in one form or another, that letting people of the same-sex marry somehow devalues the institution. That it will lead to a world-wide orgy in which both man and animals take part equally. It’s silly, but it’s out there.

Turner is actually doing what people like him have been accusing gay people of doing to marriage for years. He is literally devaluing marriage. He’s not just lessening the real, tangible benefits accrued through the state by the virtue of being married. He’s eliminating them.

That’s hilarious.

Just imagine if this sweeps across the country in places that really, really don’t want gay people to marry. Everyone who wanted to marry would have to flock to the handful of states who still allow it, only to come back home and fight to get their relationship some basic respect. Millions of dollars in legal fees would go to estate attorneys, living wills would have to be drawn up, and the faux married couples would never be really sure the courts would enforce those agreements anyway. It would be chaos and anarchy, I tell you!

Wait a minute… I’m flipping on this. This may be the best thing to happen to the marriage equality movement in a long time. I always feel like there is an empathy deficit when it comes to marriage equality. Maybe this will bridge the gap. Come on, heteros! Walk a mile in these Birkenstocks! Down with marriage! Up with empathy!

This could work. Mike Turner, gay hero. I salute you.

Photo Credit: Thinkstock


Neal Gay
Neal Gay3 years ago

@Jasper P. Dont use the word "queer" to describe anyone Gay especially a Gay teen. It"s offensive. The word "queer" means odd or strange. Gays are NOT odd or strange.

3 years ago

it is only piece of paper.who needs it anyway!!

Sabine H.
Sabine H3 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

Jasper Perry-Anderson

Please think about the psychological impact that this statement of "I hate you so much, I'm going to destroy marriage to prove something" would have on, for example, a queer teen in this guy's Oklahoma constituency who has other shit to deal with. I laughed a lot at first, but the sad bit is that 1) people elected this guy, 2) those people have children, 3) some of their children are queer, and 4) those kids are at increased risk of suicide and homelessness (eg if your parents kick you out for coming out). Statements like his, however laughable, are harmful and hurtful. Never forget that.

Karen H.
Karen H3 years ago

“Gay people who want to marry have no desire to redefine marriage in any way. When women got the right to vote, they did not redefine voting. When African-Americans got the right to sit at a lunch counter, alongside white people, they did not redefine eating out. They were simply invited to the table.” – Cynthia Nixon

Theresa D.
Theresa D3 years ago

Im down with this...

Neal Gay
Neal Gay3 years ago

Considering over 50% of marriages end in Divorce why not end this ancient abomination? If Gays cant do it without an uphill climb why should the heteros be allowed. Ban it !

Jauharah A.
Jauharah A.3 years ago

Sounds like a solid plan. All marriage is outlawed then everyone has equal rights.

Laura Saxon
.3 years ago

This has really gotten out of control. Thanks for sharing.

Connie O.
Connie O3 years ago

well, if nothing else this post sure brings out the interesting comments :)