Inside the Conservative White Male Brain


What’s up with older, conservative white dudes? Apart from the fact that they pretty much run Congress, multi-billion dollar corporations and banks, and your local Fist-Shakers Club?

Well, that power and crankitude affords them the ability to guide public opinion through setting the tone and framing any single debate.

Today’s example is climate change.

David Roberts’s cleverly titled article in Girst, “Stuff white people like: denying climate change” itemizes the inner depths of the CWM (conservative white men) psyche.

Just what are they thinking whenever they’re confronted with such hippy-dippy-doctrine as “we pollute a crap ton of carbon and it’s affecting the climate”? Here’s a tidbit from their inner-monologue:

“Meh! It’s not gonna harm me and my man-made island, so I really don’t care. And if the tide gets too high, I’ll just climb into my private jet and move to Greenland, where it’ll be sunny and 80 degrees, for some strange reason.” (White male effect)

“And while in my private jet, I’ll pour jet fuel all over San Francisco because it’s the law-of-the-jungle people! Pollute or be polluted!” (Social dominance orientation)

[phone rings] “Hello? What?! Carbon emissions tax?! That will ruin us! Don’t these pinheads know that we’re job creators and if we can’t churn out a billion Reagan bobble-heads by the end of this quarter then we’ll have to lay off millions of workers?” (System justifying tendencies)

“I was just talking to Bjorn Lomborg the other day and he says it’s all barnacle-sauce. Polar bears aren’t really dying off because of climate change, it’s because of some ice thing. I’m a job creator!” (Identity-protective cognition)

“Get me Fox News!” (Epistemic closure)

Related Stories:

Remember When Newt Gingrich Cared About Climate Change? (Video)

Sarah Palin Claims To Love The Smell Of Vehicle Emissions

Don’t Make Connections Between Extreme Weather Events (Video)


David P.
David P6 years ago

Agreed Veronica G. Much as I hate the polluters they are not all male, not all white and sadly, not all rich. The less wealthy also damage the environment. An Article for cheap laughs, I'd have thought you'd do better than that Care2.

Ruth R.
Ruth R6 years ago

Many people cannot think about what people have done to the earth. Start to think about it. It is not worth thinking about what people did. It is worth thinking about what we are going to do -- to make the earth better.
Each individual person has their own thoughts.
The thoughts above are maybe some person thoughts.

Mrs Shakespeare
Mrs Shakespeare6 years ago

Why bother to look in there? There is nothing but $hit, $hit and more $hit.
Such people should be burned at the stake, and no, I'm not exaggerating considering all the harm they've done to the planet and man kind.

Sonia T.
Sonia Tanney6 years ago

I'm white and I know that our climate is changing. And I want all of us to do something about it.

Hillary B.
Hillary G. B6 years ago

To the author: I guess your humorous satire of the very white, very male Republican party and friends, hit it's mark, seeing all the incensed comments left here. Sadly, those negative comments are of your usual 'conservative' ilk: sexist (PMS/terminal Beeotch), uneducated ("misandrious", Mit W.? The word is "misandrous"), and so defensive that they are unable to see the humor in a slight over generalization. While there may be white women who are married to these white men, and some minorities vote Republican, the powerful in this country are often older white men. The majority of the US congress is white and male. Statistically, only about 18% of congress is female. Women statistically also make about 17% less than men in the workplace and most Corporate CEO's are white and male. So, the author has every right to skewer the obvious about those who hold power. I have often wondered myself, "What makes these old white guys tick?" Less humorously, I have ascertained the obvious for myself that holding onto and increasing power and money, at any cost, is their modus operandi. At the very, very, least they deserve to be satirized; in fact, they should be held accountable for their desire to benefit the very rich at the expense of everyone else.

Ellen R6 years ago

Gordon C: Australia's head of state is not elected. She is a hereditary monarch. Her representative in Australia, the Governor General, is a former Sex Discrimination Commissioner. As for the Australian Prime Minister - she actually belongs to the Labor party.

pete M.
peter m6 years ago

Gee we can't let one of those luxury jets run out of fuel except in Siberia maybe?

Haley G.
Haley G.6 years ago

thanks for sharing

Lynda H.
Lynda Harrison6 years ago

My question would be: Does the conservative white male, in fact, have a brain?

Veronica C.
Veronica C6 years ago

What a ridiculous generalization.