Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which limited marriage to existing between a man and a woman, is unconstitutional and that there was no legal standing to appeal the overturning of Prop 8, which banned same-sex marriage in California. It didn’t take long for opponents of marriage equality to freak out about these rulings, which, apparently, signal the end of the world as we know. (And they don’t feel fine.) Here are some of the best responses.
1. IT’S THE WORK OF SATAN!
In a blog post with the understated title of Satan’s End-Time Strategy to Outlaw Traditional Marriage in Full Swing, Charisma editor Jennifer LeClaire writes: “Today’s rulings set into motion a dynamic that could mainstream gay marriage in this nation sooner than later—and forward the satanic agenda to eventually end a godly institution that’s almost as old as the world itself. ”
2. AMERICA IS IN ITS “DEATH THROES”!
Christian radio broadcaster Janet Mefferd said: “If you think this is just an attack on marriage, it isn’t; it’s an attack on your liberty, an attack on the rule of law and it’s an attack on every person in California…Look who you have running your state, all these people have done in the California legislature is it’s gay law here and gay law there and gay role models and ban gay reparative therapy for minors…it’s totalitarian.” She also said America is in its “death throes.”
Mefferd isn’t the only one with death on the mind. Rick Santorum fears that with the DOMA ruling, the Supreme Court will establish some sort of constitutional right or find that marriage is unconstitutional in its current form. “That to me will put the death knell in it.”
3. IT’S JUST LIKE PEARL HARBOR!
The American Decency Association’s Lisa Van Houten warned that the Supreme Court’s DOMA decision “will live in infamy” like Pearl Harbor:
As we look back on history there are dates which we now see were crossroads, turning points for nations and cultures. July 4, 1776; June 6, 1944. December 7, 1941; January 22, 1973. Battles fought, decisions made – some establishing goodness and justice, others are dates that ‘will live in infamy.’ I believe today, June 26, 2013, is the latter. A date when the United States Supreme Court ruled in favor of same sex marriage, and undermined true marriage – one man and one woman – which was instituted, not by any government, but by God.
What do you expect, though, since, as Van Houten explains, “The homosexual agenda cannot and will not abide peaceably alongside the true, biblical institutions of marriage and family as ordained by God. As the homosexual agenda is legitimized – even by the United States Supreme Court – marriage, family, and our religious liberty will be undermined.”
4. THEY’LL PUT CHRISTIANS IN JAIL!
Campaign for Working Families’s Gary Bauer warned:
We are headed toward the criminalization of Christianity. Let me explain. If a family were teaching its children that the KKK is the correct model for society, people would rightly be outraged. If Child Protective Services found out, that family would face the possibility of having its kids taken away for psychological child abuse. When it comes to same-sex marriage, the militant homosexual movement and its left-wing media allies have, unbelievably, taken the normal view of marriage and equated it with the kind of raw bigotry I just described.
Janice Shaw Crouse of Concerned Women for America also worries:
The rulings warn of a future where Christians will have a choice: Keep silent about their faith or face not just being cast as a social pariah, but harsh retribution in the form of fines and imprisonment. It is hard to envision such an outcome, but the pivotal changes and losses of religious freedom and freedom of speech over the past few years portend a bleak future Christians must take seriously.
Oh, and anti-gay activists may face prison time too.
5. IT’S A SIGN OF THE ANTI-CHRIST!
Michael Bresciani of Renew America wrote:
When Obama announced he would not defend DOMA, the courts were weakened and on the fortieth year of the inception of Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court made its second worst decision in the nation’s history… The world mocks those who proclaim that antichrist will soon emerge and reign for the last few years of time before the Lord Jesus Christ returns and takes the reins of power away from men. Yet, we have a man said to be the leader of the free world doing everything to prepare the way for such a man.
6. IT’S THE END OF AMERICAN CIVILIZATION!
Lest you think, ‘at least no elected official spouts these ignorant theories!’ meet the always informative Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), who took a historical look at the situation, explaining that we see gay marriage “at the end of a great civilization.”
7. IT’S THE WORK OF THE SUPREME COURT’S GAY CLERKS!
Televangelist and weight lifter Pat Robertson asked the question on everyone’s mind when he said to Jay Sekulow of the American Center for Law and Justice (which Robertson founded): “let me ask you about [Supreme Court Justice] Anthony Kennedy, does he have some clerks who happen to be gays?”
The American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer tweeted: “The DOMA ruling has now made the normalization of polygamy, pedophilia, incest and bestiality inevitable. Matter of time.”
9. IT WILL HURT THE CHILDREN!
On Friday, Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R-KS) introduced legislation to amend the U.S. Constitution to ban same-sex marriage. That’s because, as the Congressman explained at the Heritage Foundation, with gay marriage, “children will be hurt.” In case you disagree, Huelskamp backs up his claim: “decades of social science research and centuries of American history has shown that every child deserves a mom and dad.” So, that’s not actually true, but whatevs. It makes a nice soundbite.
10. “SOMETHING INCOMPREHENSIBLE!” -Westboro Baptist Church
The reliably insane Westboro Baptist Church tweeted: “Thank God for Fag SCOTUS knocking down hypocritical #DOMA & #Prop8! God Almighty’s ruling cannot be overruled by man!” The tweet included this adorable image above.
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