10 Ways To Begin To Find Yourself Again (Codependency)

“I’ve been reading your articles about codependency. You’re right, I don’t know myself anymore. I eat what my husband wants to eat. I go where my kids want or need to go. I even do a job I don’t love because my boss thought I’d be great at it, and I am but what about me? Where did I go? I don’t even know how to start to find myself. ”

Frankly, it sucks to realize that we’ve wondered this far away from ourselves. This week, I spoke with four different women who are beginning to pick up the pieces. There are a million different paths back to you but here are a few basics to get you started.

1. Google “codependency”.

2. Read anything by Melody Beattie.

3. Adopt these rules (all year around): 5 Rules For Holidays That Don’t Suck.

4. If you are one who can always be counted on for a YES, read this: Why Do I Keep Saying Yes?

5. Consider a 12-step program.

Continue: 4 more, plus the Ultimate Cody Challenge6. Hire a life coach who does this kind of work with their clients. (Yes, of course, I am one.)

7. Take a few minutes for yourself every single day… no matter what. (If you don’t know what to do with those few minutes, consider starting with some of the items on this list.)

8. Ask yourself what you want and be still until you hear an answer.

9. Do what your intuition tells you to do. (See number 8.)

10. Take the Ultimate Cody (Codependency) Challenge.

This isn’t a formal thing. It just came through me during a coaching session a while ago, but it works. I’ve done it myself and it’s working for others who do it. Commit to discovering and document something new about you every single day. It can be something new that you never knew before, or something you used to know but that slipped away with all of the focus on parents, children, partners, work, and the world.

It can be foods, music, colors, people, hobbies, books, movies, the temperature of the house, or the way you cut your hair. It might be something you love to do, like acting or dancing, or something you want to know more about, like being a vegetarian or learning a new language.

It doesn’t matter what it is. Just notice you, without the influence of others because it’s not any one thing that slipped away while you were busy reacting the world around you. It’s a million little things. And if you take a moment day after day to reconnect with your truth, your impulses, your preferences, your favorites, you’ll find your way back home to you. I promise.

I’ve challenged clients to do this every day for a week to just get started, a month to go a little further, and I had one client who did this for a year. It’s easy and fun. You can share it with others or keep it to yourself. If you’re feeling a little lost, or incredibly lost, this challenge will carry you right back to the one you were born to be… one simple thing at a time.

*If you have other suggestions, please leave them in the comments or message me through my website below. Also, if you’re taking the challenge, I would LOVE to hear from you (either on Facebook or via email). Lastly, I’m starting a new 365 Ultimate Cody Challenge tomorrow and will be documenting it photographically via 365project.org.



Teresa Wlosowicz
Teresa W5 years ago


Brian M.
Past Member 5 years ago

A healthy relationship has give and take; it has a balance of individuality and togetherness. Relationships are, by definition, imperfect, but in a good relationship, the participants try to meet the needs of each of the individuals and of the relationship, itself.

Ann B.
Ann B6 years ago

thanks for the article

Delia R.
Mabel Regis6 years ago

Thank you for this. I have been asking how to find myself for a while. Thank you for the guidance

Nina Anghel
Nina Anghel6 years ago

Noted. Thank you.

Eternal Gardener
Eternal G6 years ago

Thank you!

Eternal Gardener
Eternal G6 years ago


Jen B.
Jen B6 years ago

I was just asking myself when I started to worry more about the comfort of others than giving my feelings the respect they deserve. I am looking forward to using these tips for finding my way back to myself. Thanks!

Ruth B.
Ruth B6 years ago

When did doing something you don't want to do become wrong? It builds character. It gives you strength. You learn from it. Don't want to put up a Christmas tree? Don't do it! Not a major decision...yes or no. Make a decision. I'm never spending Christmas at home again. Decision made. Grow up.

Carol Cowbrough
Carol C6 years ago

Noted. Thank you.