4 Myths About Self-Love, Busted

We hear a lot these days about self-love. For the most part, this is fantastic. A lot of us have been made to feel like there’s something about us that’s not good enough, so the fact that there is a growing dialog around this topic is certainly a good thing.

But the truth is, self-love isn’t always easy. So much of the conversation around self-love tells us just to tune out the disparaging media messages we’re being bombarded with constantly, to stop feeling badly about ourselves and step into our divine power. While that’s not bad advice, it can sometimes feel a little patronizing when the person giving it doesn’t acknowledge the reality about the nitty gritty that goes into loving yourself.

With that in mind, here are four myths about self-love to be wary of.

It means you feel great about yourself all the time.

Self-love doesn’t mean that you feel perfectly confident every single day. It doesn’t mean that you see yourself as flawless. It’s perfectly possible to truly love yourself and also feel frustrated when your hair won’t do what you want, or when something in your life takes a turn that you’re not exactly happy with. Self-love is about accepting that you’re not perfect, and neither is anyone else, but that’s okay – we’re all still inherently worthy of love and acceptance, both from ourselves and others.

It will solve all of your problems.

There seems to be the idea out that that if you can only learn to love yourself, then your life will become the harmonious fantasy you’ve always dreamed of. That’s not the case. Self-love is certainly the foundation for a happy, authentic life. Many of our challenges in life stem from the fact that we don’t feel worthy of love and acceptance, and so we’re trying to change ourselves in order to earn that love. When we begin to acknowledge that we’re actually already worthy of it, exactly as we are, then the healing can begin. Self-love is the catalyst for growth and healing, and it will help you weather the storms that come along with more grace and less drama. But it’s not a ticket to paradise (and really, who wants to live in a fantasy land anyway?).

It will help you lose weight.

This one is actually sometimes true. So many of us diet, count calories, binge eat, and overeat as a result of our lack of self-love. Either we’re trying to lose weight or keep it off in order to achieve the kind of body we think we’re “supposed” to have in order to be worthy of love, or we turn to food to fill the holes in our lives that would be better filled by self-acceptance. When we learn to love ourselves, we begin to understand that we deserve to enjoy our relationship with food, and to eat foods that genuinely nourish us physically and emotionally. For some of us this can lead to weight loss, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, what we need isn’t weight loss – it’s the ability to understand that health is more important than the number on the scale. Regardless, self-love will help us to create a healthy lifestyle for ourselves that we love, and that we can sustain over time.

It will fix your relationships.

Again, this one is sometimes true. If our relationships are suffering because we’re not showing up for ourselves in life, then there is a great chance they will be improved and strengthened when we learn to love ourselves. But sometimes, self-love is about respecting ourselves enough to let go of relationships that are no longer serving us, or that are holding us back.

To learn more about my body image and eating psychology coaching, visit SarahCookeCoaching.com.

106 comments

Angela Malafouris

Sounds like a plan and a good place to start with!

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Elena Poensgen
Elena Poensgen3 years ago

Thank you

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Tony J.
Tony J3 years ago

Good article. Everybody would have you think that you can just turn it on and off like a light bulb.

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Sarah Hill
Sarah Hill3 years ago

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

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Carole R.
Carole R3 years ago

Growing up my mother always said "self pride stinks".
To this day I feel I can't be proud of anything I do or have done.
I think you have to love yourself, you should love yourself.
It is hard, though, after years of conditioning. I was sure that my children knew their self worth and could be proud of who they are.

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Igor Panteleyev
Past Member 3 years ago

Bloody rubbish! Until you learn to love yourself , no one will love you...

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Angela K.
Angela K3 years ago

Thank you

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Siyus Copetallus
Siyus Copetallus3 years ago

Thank you for sharing.

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Elena Poensgen
Elena Poensgen3 years ago

Thank you

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Natalie Descent
Natalie Descent3 years ago

good advice

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