5 Tips for Dating after Divorce

When the last asset has been divided, the alimony or child support settled, and the emotional scars of the divorce finally begin to fade you may start to feel things you havenít felt in quite some time. The hairs on the back of your neck may begin to dance when you smell the sensual cologne of the beautiful woman in front of you at Starbucks. Or maybe you find yourself gazing longingly at the very fit and tan construction worker on the side of the road as you are stuck in rush hour traffic. Before you know it, the old familiar feelings of lust and desire have been resurrected and itís time to start dating again.

Dating after a divorce can be a scary thing. Depending on the circumstances that led to your divorce, you may re-enter the dating world with tattered self-confidence, fear or even guilt. You may look at every prospect as the same wolf that your ex-spouse was, just in new sheepís clothing. If you were married for a long time, you probably feel quite a bit older than all of the competition and unfamiliar with the latest dating techniques such as speed dating, internet matchmaking and social networking. You are not alone. Millions of people have re-entered the sea of romantic possibility and navigated the waters quite successfully. Here are five tips to help you get sailing:

Fix Yourself First

Finding yourself single after a long relationship provides a great opportunity for self-discovery. Now that you are no longer half of a couple, take this time to learn more about yourself. Explore areas of your personality that youíve longed to get to know better, and let yourself experiment with new activities and hobbies. Find ways to repair the damage the divorce may have caused before you begin looking for someone else to fill in your voids. The last thing you want is to enter a relationship expecting your partner to fill in your gaps and heal you. The ideal partner will complement you, not complete you.

Take it Slow

When you begin dating after a divorce, you should consider entering the dating waters one toe at a time. Gauge your comfort level before you jump off the high dive. If you are more at ease in a group setting, consider going out with the girls to mingle with some eligible bachelors. If you feel confident one on one, set up a dating profile and start wining and dining some nice ladies once a week. No matter how you approach the dating world, do it at a speed that is comfortable for you.

Donít Compromise

When you were married, you probably wanted to change a million things about your spouse. Dating after a divorce gives you the chance to find the mate of your dreams. If you ex was bald, maybe youíve longed for someone with a full head of hair. If your former spouse was a materialistic person, perhaps you truly desire someone with deeper and more meaningful values. No matter what qualities you seek, do not settle for less. Dating will give you the opportunity to try on all of those traits that youíve always wanted in a partner and see how they fit. Set your expectations high enough to satisfy you, but within the realm of realistic.

If itís Not Fun, Theyíre Not the One

The whole goal of dating should be to find enjoyment in the company of someone else. When you begin dating after a divorce, focus on having a good time, not finding a new spouse. Give yourself a gut check every now and then to see if you are still having fun. If you are feeling pressured or unsure of the dating circumstances, change them. If you are not enjoying the time you spend with one particular person, stop seeing them. The beauty of dating is that you have the freedom to change course until your find the right one.

Stop Dating

A watched pot never boils. I canít tell you how many times my friends have told me that no matter how many dates they went on, they couldnít find that special someone. And as soon as they stopped looking, guess who popped into their lives? The same thing happened with me. I was newly divorced and had no intention of dating for some time. And thatís exactly when I met my current husband. When we are not pressured to impress and are being completely ourselves, we just may end up meeting that person who is attracted to all of those qualities that we try to cover up when we are on a date. So let your hair down, let your guard down, and take a look around. You may be surprised who is looking at you when you stop looking.

Divorce and 5 Reasons Not to Go to Bed Angry
10 Dating Tips from the Animal World
Conscious Dating


Michele Wilkinson

Thank you

Sandy Erickson
Sandy Erickson6 years ago

It is unclean to a lot of people what makes a good mate. Adam ask for a helpmete,That's what God gave him. We need to find that some one that stands beside us,helping us to be the best person that we can be. Little boys do play with dolls if allowed they are shamed in certain sectors to be the plant the seed kinda guys but my nature they do nest and protect.

Anja S.
Anja H6 years ago

I don't think anybody completes me. I want somebody who will add to my happiness.

Jane Barton
Jane Barton6 years ago

Lisa, continuing.... They have all deserted us, emotionally
and physically. I'm personally researching this modern day
phenomenon and since you are a film maker and writer I
think there is enough material to make a really good
documentary. The reasons you and I are finding true
happiness beyond our grasp are numerous and complex.
I would love to talk to you. Is there a way I can personally
communicate with you?

Jane Barton
Jane Barton6 years ago

Lisa, I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm recently
divorced and I'm out in the dating scene. It's totally changed.
What I have found is there are a diminishing number of quality men out there. You should consider yourself lucky you didn't
let some loser latch onto you and drag you down. And good
riddence to the Pastor! I totally understand your deep down
craving for a soul mate that would make your life complete because I feel the same way. I think most women have a natural mating instinct but I also think that most men don't have
that natural instinct to nest. They have a natural instinct to sow
their seed and they usually don't settle down until they are ready to reproduce and then most of them split after a few years (notice the 90% divorce rate). As women we were brought up to believe in the knight in shining armor coming along and swooping us up and taking care of us and living happily ever after. That's a fairy tale and very few women ever
get that. Statistics show that there are only 1 million out of 300 million people who are "soulmates". These lucky people have an extremely strong bond from the start and they stay together forever through hell and high water and they can't keep their
hands off each other. Society has told us that if we work hard
and are good people we can get that love that we deserve and
crave but as you and I have found, all of our achievements
have meant nothing to any man we have ever been involved
with. They

Patricia G.
Patricia G6 years ago


myra d.
myra d6 years ago

Together or alone. It's all hard work.

myra d.
myra d6 years ago

It's not easy. That's for sure. Alone is fine. In the end it's the truth. The shared moments are wonderful though.

Ann K.
Past Member 6 years ago

Knowing ourselves at a deeper level is important. What do we need or want from a relationship? What do we have to offer a relationship? Can we enjoy a relationship on a day to day basis without wondering where it will lead? I know strong successful women who turn into needy, clingy, jealous strangers when they are dating someone. These woman weren't always this way; It is conditioned thinking from being hurt in the past. Looking deeper is important to keep from making the same mistakes.

Yassin ki
Yassin ki6 years ago

very good articl